A Mother's Death: A Short Story
The dentist said, “I had to. You yelled so loud you scared away two other patients.”
109. One little boy said to another little boy, “Why don’t you come to my church?”
The other little boy said, “Because I belong to another abomination.”
110. You know the famous picture of Whistler’s mother. She is sitting in a rocking chair. Once Whistler saw his mother, down on her hands and knees, scrubbing the floor. What did Whistler say to his mother when he saw her scrubbing the floor?
Answer: “Hey, Mom, you’re off your rocker.”
111. Q. Did you hear about the 95 year old man who has AIDS? A. One in each year –hearing aids.
112. Teacher: What does unaware mean? Student: It’s the last thing you take off at night and the first thing you …show more content…
put on in the morning.
113. Q. What is the quietest game in the world? A. Bowling. Why? You can hear a pin drop.
114. Q. What is a cat’s favorite dessert? A. Mice cream.
115. Q. Which moves faster—heat or cold? A. Heat. Why: Because you can catch cold.
116. A man said to his friend, “You say you are going to marry a woman with one million dollars a year income, and you say it’s a love match!”
His friend said, “Certainly, it’s a love match. I love money.”
117. First Moron: “I got me one of those suits with two pairs of pants.”
Second Moron: “How do you like it?”
First Moron: “Not so well. “It’s too hot wearing two pairs of pants.”
118. Q. What is the daffynition of a spinster? A. A woman who is unhappily unmarried.
119. Q. What happened to the two bedbugs who fell in love? A. They got married in the spring.
120. A man was arrested for stealing. The Judge asked him, “Where were you stealing?”
He replied, “Oh, here and there.”
The Judge asked, “When were you stealing?”
He replied, ”Oh, now and then.”
The Judge said to the police officer, “Lock him up.”
He asked, “When do I get out?”
The Judge replied, “Sooner or later.”
121.
Doctor: “Don’t worry. You are going to make a complete recovery.”
Patient: “But, how can you be so sure, doctor? I thought this was a very serious disease with a petty poor outlook.”
Doctor: “It is. The textbooks say nine out of ten patients with your condition die.”
Patient: “Well then, how can you be so optimistic in my case?”
Doctor: “Just a matter of statistics. You are the tenth case I’ve treated, and the other nine are already dead.”
122. A man had been a loafer all his life. His wife was always trying to get him to help with jobs around the house, but he always refused. His wife did all the work. When he died she had his body cremated and she put the ashes in an hour glass. She put the hour glass on the mantle above the fireplace. Underneath she printed a sign. What did It say? AT WORK AT LAST
123. The guest speaker said, “I know this great joke about amnesia. If only could remember the punch line.”
124. Customer: “How much are these tomatoes?” Clerk: “One dollar a pound.” Customer: “Did you raise them yourself?” Clerk: “I certainly did. They were only fifty cents a pound
yesterday.”
125. A mother’s note to her daughter’s teacher: “Please excuse Mary. She was sick and I had her shot.”
126. Another blooper: “Ralph was absent because he was playing football and got hurt in the growing part.” (groin)
127. The teacher said, “Johnnie, please use the word bulletin in a sentence.”
Johnnie said, “Dad got in a fight and now he has a bulletin in his leg.” (bullet in)
128. Silly, silly. Q. What do Eskimos call their cows? A. Eskimoos..
129. Q. Why do Eskimos wash their clothes in Tide? (baby talk for inside) A. Because it’s too cold to wash them outside?
130. Q. What animal goes to bed with its shoes on? A. a horse
131. Lawyer: “You mean you want to get a divorce on grounds of your husband’s appearance?” Wife: “Yes. He hasn’t shown up for five years.”
109. One little boy said to another little boy, “Why don’t you come to my church?”
The other little boy said, “Because I belong to another abomination.”
110. You know the famous picture of Whistler’s mother. She is sitting in a rocking chair. Once Whistler saw his mother, down on her hands and knees, scrubbing the floor. What did Whistler say to his mother when he saw her scrubbing the floor?
Answer: “Hey, Mom, you’re off your rocker.”
111. Q. Did you hear about the 95 year old man who has AIDS? A. One in each year –hearing aids.
112. Teacher: What does unaware mean? Student: It’s the last thing you take off at night and the first thing you …show more content…
put on in the morning.
113. Q. What is the quietest game in the world? A. Bowling. Why? You can hear a pin drop.
114. Q. What is a cat’s favorite dessert? A. Mice cream.
115. Q. Which moves faster—heat or cold? A. Heat. Why: Because you can catch cold.
116. A man said to his friend, “You say you are going to marry a woman with one million dollars a year income, and you say it’s a love match!”
His friend said, “Certainly, it’s a love match. I love money.”
117. First Moron: “I got me one of those suits with two pairs of pants.”
Second Moron: “How do you like it?”
First Moron: “Not so well. “It’s too hot wearing two pairs of pants.”
118. Q. What is the daffynition of a spinster? A. A woman who is unhappily unmarried.
119. Q. What happened to the two bedbugs who fell in love? A. They got married in the spring.
120. A man was arrested for stealing. The Judge asked him, “Where were you stealing?”
He replied, “Oh, here and there.”
The Judge asked, “When were you stealing?”
He replied, ”Oh, now and then.”
The Judge said to the police officer, “Lock him up.”
He asked, “When do I get out?”
The Judge replied, “Sooner or later.”
121.
Doctor: “Don’t worry. You are going to make a complete recovery.”
Patient: “But, how can you be so sure, doctor? I thought this was a very serious disease with a petty poor outlook.”
Doctor: “It is. The textbooks say nine out of ten patients with your condition die.”
Patient: “Well then, how can you be so optimistic in my case?”
Doctor: “Just a matter of statistics. You are the tenth case I’ve treated, and the other nine are already dead.”
122. A man had been a loafer all his life. His wife was always trying to get him to help with jobs around the house, but he always refused. His wife did all the work. When he died she had his body cremated and she put the ashes in an hour glass. She put the hour glass on the mantle above the fireplace. Underneath she printed a sign. What did It say? AT WORK AT LAST
123. The guest speaker said, “I know this great joke about amnesia. If only could remember the punch line.”
124. Customer: “How much are these tomatoes?” Clerk: “One dollar a pound.” Customer: “Did you raise them yourself?” Clerk: “I certainly did. They were only fifty cents a pound
yesterday.”
125. A mother’s note to her daughter’s teacher: “Please excuse Mary. She was sick and I had her shot.”
126. Another blooper: “Ralph was absent because he was playing football and got hurt in the growing part.” (groin)
127. The teacher said, “Johnnie, please use the word bulletin in a sentence.”
Johnnie said, “Dad got in a fight and now he has a bulletin in his leg.” (bullet in)
128. Silly, silly. Q. What do Eskimos call their cows? A. Eskimoos..
129. Q. Why do Eskimos wash their clothes in Tide? (baby talk for inside) A. Because it’s too cold to wash them outside?
130. Q. What animal goes to bed with its shoes on? A. a horse
131. Lawyer: “You mean you want to get a divorce on grounds of your husband’s appearance?” Wife: “Yes. He hasn’t shown up for five years.”