A Parody: A Short Story
John woke up, or rather, came to lying in a curved white hallway. Unsure how or or why he came to this place other than he is here, now, in this featureless curved hallway. The floor he was lying on was also curved. It was like being inside a large tube.
John stood up with feet apart, he stretched out his arms to touch the curved walls but couldn't reach. Taking one side step with his left foot he was able to touch the inner curved wall. John side stepped from center wan touched the outer wall.
“OK, I'm five foot and seven inches tall. ” John thought to himself. An outstretched arm is about 3 feet long, the body width 2 feet. John estimated that the diameter of this curved tube like hallway was about 12 feet wide.
Well this curved hallway …show more content…
must lead to somewhere. After about five minutes of walking, John became accustomed to walking without constantly readjusting his balance. “I guess I got my sea legs.”, he reflected to himself. John continued walking with no door or sign of progress.
“There is no way I can tell if I already walked a full, complete circle or not.” he brooded.
John need to make a mark to see if that has already happened he speculated. Mulling over how to do that without a pen or a knife to mark the surface of the rounded wall, he concluded that urinating might work.
But what if it takes 2 weeks to complete the entire circuit? The urine would be dried and invisible. John came to the conclusion that something more tangible was needed. Pulling his jeans down, he copped a squat. Although he had no urgent need for elimination, he attempted to at least squeeze out a shart. At first nothing but air. “Great.”, he amused himself, “I'm blowing this.”
He stood upright and then felt the familiar internal pressure that he was about to produce stool. Squatting again, he dropped a …show more content…
deuce.
No toilet paper, no water and no way to wipe his butt. He could use his sock but that would entail pulling up the pants or at least sitting butt naked on the curved floor and remove the shoe and sock.
“I didn't think this all the way through” he muttered to himself embarrassed. He stood straight and pulled his pants up.
He stood thinking about what to do next. What if it takes 2 weeks to make a complete lap? By that time the crap would be dried and indistinguishable from anybody else's. There could be another person in the seemingly donut that he is in. Furthermore, if he thought of 'making his mark” then surely anybody else would of also. He could come across somebody else's indistinguishable deposit.
John leaned forward facing the inner curved wall. With his left arm outstretched, he steadied himself with the palm of his hand up against the wall. Lifting his left foot, he used the toe of his sneaker to squish a bit of the poop to use as a marker. With his 'brush' loaded with 'paint' he made a vertical line on the lower part of the wall. John felt satisfied with his ideogram.
John deduced that there must be a door somewhere. He continued as before but walking close to the inner curved wall. His finger tracing along the wall for any edges. His only sense of orientation was what he was wearing, a t-shirt with an unbuttoned plaid long shirt jacket, jeans and sneakers.
John almost imperceptibly felt something. Stopping he glided his finger backwards and felt an unseen seam. His heart leaped. A seam! He was so relieved to find any distinguishing property in this borderless torus.
He traced the entire hidden hatch. Perhaps this is an intelligence test he theorized. Envisioning the 3x3 dot pattern of a locked cell phone he pushed different patterns in the belief that it would unlock the hatchway. After several minutes he was frustratingly disheartened. If there was a pattern lock, he surely by now have locked out the door forever.
The heat of anger flushed his face at the realization of that possibility. Feeling entrapped, he determined to break the flush flat door in. He shouldered the door. Nothing. Fear crept into his stomach and in a rising rage, he decided to get a running start. Walking backwards towards the outer curved wall, he lost his footing. He arms flung to the sides to catch himself. This would've work if the wall was a flat vertical surface - but it wasn't. He fell backwards and the outer curved wall gave way.
There was a gateway on the exact opposite of the inner curved hatch. He fell through the dissolved wall which became immediately solid again after he passed through closing on the bottom corner of his plaid shirt that was caught in the seam and tore off.
John was inside another curved hallway, exactly the same as the one he just escaped from except this one had a feature. The torn fabric of his shirttail was sticking out of the inner door. Dazed at what just happened, he imagined what that place he was in was like a layered onion. Layer within layers of the same deary featureless white curved hallways.
John stood up, shaken in disbelief.
“Perhaps I should be tracing my fingernail on the outer curved wall instead to get out of this onion like a maze.” he concluded. He turned around to face the outer curved wall and a rush of fear from his heart down to his genitals, he found a piece of cloth sticking out from the outer curved wall. He recognized it. It was the same plaid pattern of the shirt jacket that he was wearing with the torn off shirttail. His head began to swim with the realization that the fabric on the outer curved wall sticking out was the same piece of cloth that was stuck on the other side of the door of the inner curved wall.
He fell to his knees and wondered. This is no onion maze. This was a dimension other than the normal x, y and z of Euclidean coordinates. Was he in a Möbius strip with a one-sided surface and boundary?
John meditated on this and became calmer. Reviewing his geometry, he knew it was not Möbius strip since he himself is three dimensional. Was he in a Klein bottle that has no boundary, but is still a one-sided surface?
John decided to continue exploring the inner curved wall as before in a counter-clock direction using his finger to see if there was any other portals out of the seemingly endless curved hallway. He saw something ahead. As he slowly shortens the distance, still tracing his fingernail on the inner curved wall he stops and stares in disbelief at what he is
seeing.
It is the dung mark he made with the toe of his sneaker beside the pile of excrement he shat out.
end
John stood up with feet apart, he stretched out his arms to touch the curved walls but couldn't reach. Taking one side step with his left foot he was able to touch the inner curved wall. John side stepped from center wan touched the outer wall.
“OK, I'm five foot and seven inches tall. ” John thought to himself. An outstretched arm is about 3 feet long, the body width 2 feet. John estimated that the diameter of this curved tube like hallway was about 12 feet wide.
Well this curved hallway …show more content…
must lead to somewhere. After about five minutes of walking, John became accustomed to walking without constantly readjusting his balance. “I guess I got my sea legs.”, he reflected to himself. John continued walking with no door or sign of progress.
“There is no way I can tell if I already walked a full, complete circle or not.” he brooded.
John need to make a mark to see if that has already happened he speculated. Mulling over how to do that without a pen or a knife to mark the surface of the rounded wall, he concluded that urinating might work.
But what if it takes 2 weeks to complete the entire circuit? The urine would be dried and invisible. John came to the conclusion that something more tangible was needed. Pulling his jeans down, he copped a squat. Although he had no urgent need for elimination, he attempted to at least squeeze out a shart. At first nothing but air. “Great.”, he amused himself, “I'm blowing this.”
He stood upright and then felt the familiar internal pressure that he was about to produce stool. Squatting again, he dropped a …show more content…
deuce.
No toilet paper, no water and no way to wipe his butt. He could use his sock but that would entail pulling up the pants or at least sitting butt naked on the curved floor and remove the shoe and sock.
“I didn't think this all the way through” he muttered to himself embarrassed. He stood straight and pulled his pants up.
He stood thinking about what to do next. What if it takes 2 weeks to make a complete lap? By that time the crap would be dried and indistinguishable from anybody else's. There could be another person in the seemingly donut that he is in. Furthermore, if he thought of 'making his mark” then surely anybody else would of also. He could come across somebody else's indistinguishable deposit.
John leaned forward facing the inner curved wall. With his left arm outstretched, he steadied himself with the palm of his hand up against the wall. Lifting his left foot, he used the toe of his sneaker to squish a bit of the poop to use as a marker. With his 'brush' loaded with 'paint' he made a vertical line on the lower part of the wall. John felt satisfied with his ideogram.
John deduced that there must be a door somewhere. He continued as before but walking close to the inner curved wall. His finger tracing along the wall for any edges. His only sense of orientation was what he was wearing, a t-shirt with an unbuttoned plaid long shirt jacket, jeans and sneakers.
John almost imperceptibly felt something. Stopping he glided his finger backwards and felt an unseen seam. His heart leaped. A seam! He was so relieved to find any distinguishing property in this borderless torus.
He traced the entire hidden hatch. Perhaps this is an intelligence test he theorized. Envisioning the 3x3 dot pattern of a locked cell phone he pushed different patterns in the belief that it would unlock the hatchway. After several minutes he was frustratingly disheartened. If there was a pattern lock, he surely by now have locked out the door forever.
The heat of anger flushed his face at the realization of that possibility. Feeling entrapped, he determined to break the flush flat door in. He shouldered the door. Nothing. Fear crept into his stomach and in a rising rage, he decided to get a running start. Walking backwards towards the outer curved wall, he lost his footing. He arms flung to the sides to catch himself. This would've work if the wall was a flat vertical surface - but it wasn't. He fell backwards and the outer curved wall gave way.
There was a gateway on the exact opposite of the inner curved hatch. He fell through the dissolved wall which became immediately solid again after he passed through closing on the bottom corner of his plaid shirt that was caught in the seam and tore off.
John was inside another curved hallway, exactly the same as the one he just escaped from except this one had a feature. The torn fabric of his shirttail was sticking out of the inner door. Dazed at what just happened, he imagined what that place he was in was like a layered onion. Layer within layers of the same deary featureless white curved hallways.
John stood up, shaken in disbelief.
“Perhaps I should be tracing my fingernail on the outer curved wall instead to get out of this onion like a maze.” he concluded. He turned around to face the outer curved wall and a rush of fear from his heart down to his genitals, he found a piece of cloth sticking out from the outer curved wall. He recognized it. It was the same plaid pattern of the shirt jacket that he was wearing with the torn off shirttail. His head began to swim with the realization that the fabric on the outer curved wall sticking out was the same piece of cloth that was stuck on the other side of the door of the inner curved wall.
He fell to his knees and wondered. This is no onion maze. This was a dimension other than the normal x, y and z of Euclidean coordinates. Was he in a Möbius strip with a one-sided surface and boundary?
John meditated on this and became calmer. Reviewing his geometry, he knew it was not Möbius strip since he himself is three dimensional. Was he in a Klein bottle that has no boundary, but is still a one-sided surface?
John decided to continue exploring the inner curved wall as before in a counter-clock direction using his finger to see if there was any other portals out of the seemingly endless curved hallway. He saw something ahead. As he slowly shortens the distance, still tracing his fingernail on the inner curved wall he stops and stares in disbelief at what he is
seeing.
It is the dung mark he made with the toe of his sneaker beside the pile of excrement he shat out.
end