An Ineffective Parenting Style

An ineffective parenting style A twelve-year-old child sent a letter to her mother with the below tenor, “Dear mom, I know that you love me and always want good things for me. It is the reason why you want me to become a singer. You said that singers earn a lot of money; however, I do not want money. I do not want to spend my whole day learning music. I want to go to the themes park. You have promised me that you would take me there, but you did not. Mom, I do not want to become a singer!” Perhaps, what the above child writes for her mother seems very acquaintance to many families nowadays. Although that is not a serious situation, it is the cry for help of many children who have been living in the families with ineffective parenting styles. Some parents do not really think about what kind of style they want to adopt. They unwittingly follow the parenting style of their own parents. However, it is not always good for their kids, especially if they had had bad experiences in childhood. In fact, conservatism is one of those ineffective parenting styles; conservative parents have ruined their children’s future because of three main reasons: excessive coercion, unreasonable prohibition, and cold treatment.
First of all, conservative parents always constrain their children to do many things following their requests. Parents have lived for many years, so they think that what they got from their own experience will help children improve their futures. They give many ideas and set beautiful plans for their children without noticing that if it is suitable to the children or not. For example, some parents expect their children to become celebrities when they see the children have some special abilities. They try to find different ways to send the child to special classes hoping that he will be successful in someday. Therefore, the child has to follow what his parents ask because he has no choice for what he likes. Others want their children to be doctors or professors while these children want to become engineers, or artists. The conflict between two ideas gives these kids many pressures when they must do what they do not want to do. Of course, they probably cannot focus on what they are not interested in. In a result, they are failed, and the failure makes them feel disappointed. Parents actually kill their children’s dreams through their old thoughts.
Second, conservatism in parenting is also showed through how parents forbid their children from many things in life. In a family, there are many own rules that the members in that family have to follow. However, some parents make many unacceptable rules and ask their children keep to it without giving them any reason. We are living in a modern world; considering a person through his outlook is not exactly anymore. Some parents forbid their children from getting tattoo, ear pierced, or even colored hair. They think that their children will be considered as bad boys or bad girls. These rules do not completely make senses to the children. Following Why Do They Act That Way? A Survival Guide to the Adolescent Brain for You and Your Teen (2004), by David Walsh, forbidden things make children curious, and they want to explore why they are forbidden. When the parents know the truth, they think that their children do not obey them. They yell and spank instead of explaining why their children cannot do that. We only consider the small aspect with a simple example to understand about the unacceptable prohibitions affect to children’s psychology. Smoking, drinking, escaping from the family, or using drugs are terrible consequences that parents can lead their children to from forbidding many things. Instead of forbidding, parents should be friends who can talk and explain to their children about why subjects are right or wrong.
Hurting feelings of the children is the last reason that proves why conservatism in parenting is ineffective. No parent wants bad things happen to their children, and what they do for their children is on positive purposes. But, parents sometimes control their children too tight and do not let them have a chance to show out what they like or they want to speak. Parents are unintentionally hurt children’s feelings. No one is perfect, and parents also have their own mistake in parenting. The importance is whether parents admit that they are wrong or not. Conservative parents always keep their ideas although they are unacceptable. According to ancient legend, “when God created man, he attached two invisible bags for each person; a bag is placed in front of the chest containing the faults of others, and a bag is placed behind the back contains his or her sins. Therefore, they can only see the faults of people around them, but they cannot see theirs.” The above little story gives people an abstract example about how conservative parents admit their faults. When children do not have the rights to reply what they think, they are depressed, and depression affects badly to children’s feelings. Parents don't talk much with their children. Furthermore, children are too afraid to approach their parents when they need a shoulder to cry on or to solve their problems for them. According to Teen-Proofing: Fostering Responsible Decision Making in Your Teenager (1998), by John Rosemond, if parents are not in control, helping the teen to learn good decision-making, the situation will quickly cascade out of control, with disastrous consequences, The relationship between parents and children is also cracked.
Childbirth is tough, but parenting is more difficult. Parents should understand what their children want and desire. If a parent is not conservative, it does not mean that he or she will indulge his or her child. Conservatism is not only from the old thoughts of parents but also from the lack of communication between parents and children. Therefore, parents and children should communicate with each other in order to find love and understanding in their communication. Authoritative parents listen with empathy to their children's requests and questions. Parents should warm and loving. They can demonstrate their love to their children in many ways. And most importantly, their kids know that their parents love them. Besides that, parent also can set the limit for their kids. They should punish and reward, but it must be very fairly. Rules and punishments are never arbitrary or harsh. And it is done in a democratic style as children are sometimes involved in creating rules. Children are very innocent like pure white papers, what parents do will draw lines onto that paper. Hoping that parents would proud of “beautiful pictures” that they got from their parenting styles. And let’s remove “the fears of children” together.