Anorexia Speech

Goals: "I need to have a voice"
"I need to learn that I deserve it to me my way or the highway"
"Eating disorders are not parents fault - going forward it's about learning how to support me"

I grew up and internalized the values of being skinny, rich and pretty. I believed that reaching these goals would magically find me a spouse, a family, and the ultimate happiness and fulfillment.

Now I am learning that these can no longer be my values - it landed me here fighting for my life against anorexia.

Against popular belief, anorexia is not a beautiful or glorified choice. Anorexia is spending day after day trying to make the 'right' decision that will please that gnawing anxious voice inside of you, forgetting to check in what exactly your
You want to cry, but you're too numb to cry. You pick up and go on pretending you're ok.
But now I am learning that it is ok not to be ok!
Anorexia has left me bereft of money, time, brain space, personality family, friends and a healthy body. I'm coming to terms with the fact that my old values are unrealistic and unfair to demand of myself. Anorexia isn't beautiful - it causes shame, disgust, embarrassment, and self loathing. It gets me labeled as helpless, defiant, rude, an irritation, stubborn and mean. And I've had enough!
It is time i break free from my old distorted values and create new ones to support and healthy and happy life for myself. I have decided to wake up ad make the decision to rewind and rewrite the path I've chosen through my childhood. I chose to spend hours of time, money, talking, therapy, treatment, blood, sweat, tears, pain and eve fat to rewire the hardware in my brain.
I refused to be controlled by values that bring me misery as i chase around for outside approval like a cat chasing its take. The time has come to take my life back. I'm starting to see th ebeautfy in breaking free and I really hope you can see it
I know you want the best for me and for my happiness, but I tend to suffer in silence and pretend I'm ok with everything. Allow me the slack I need to recover. Allow me to make mistakes and I promise I will allow you to make mistakes. I know that I struggle with something so foreign to you and you won't always know what to say to support me, but that will be ok. If you're open to it, I can gently remind you what is damaging to my recovery so I don't have to chose between pleasing my parents and my