High School Hoodies

I wore hoodies in 90 degree weather & hated wearing short sleeve shirts because someone would see the scars on my arm from self inflicted wounds for wishing I could be someone else. Wishing I could be more smarter, more important, and even more prettier. However no one could understand that in the mind of a 14 year old girl who seemed to have it all together everywhere she went. Did i show that I had inferiority complex?
Throughout Kindergarten to 8th grade, I was an exemplary student, earning honor roll each year. I was an active choir member because I loved to sing. To fill my interest in singing, I sung in 3 choirs during my 5th grade year. I sung at church, school,& the Chicago Children’s Choir. At a young age I gained interest in dancing
& joined the junior praise dance group at church. Towards 8th grade I ranked as Junior Choreographer. During my middle school I scored college level scores on the english portion of the MAP test, a school wide test that measures academic skills on basic subjects. Graduating with honors from my 8th grade class, I was proud to be who I thought I was.
I thought I would enter into high school the same zealous 8th grader I once was.
However, I remember starting high school crushed in spirit. Little did I know, I suffered from depression, I had every sign of it: loss in interest in school, fatigue, & anxiety. Apparently I didn’t understand who I was. Maybe it's safe to say that I was depressed before freshman year, reality just hadn't set in. Possibly safe to say that I loved to sing but I didn’t breath it, I liked school but didn't live it, I loved to dance but my every move wasn’t made with a dance in mind.
Honestly, it wasn’t. Truthfully, I lived the life others planned. My grades reflected upon that: from freshman to junior year I continuously strived to bring up my grades. My GPA increased over those 3 years.I had to lean to not let life degrade me or I’d never arise to challenges to come. Hurdling through life without putting the fire to my passion, I realized I had never been through anything to set that fire ablaze.
It takes an open mindset, heart, & soul to deal with the curve balls that life throws . Today, I don’t mind letting my pain spearhead my passion. Now I don’t mind singing from my pain, or dancing from where it hurts. In the midst of it all, I found pieces of myself that I acquired from hardship. “Who am I?”, I honestly don't know, but over the past few years, who I've become, a strong young lady who still desires to know more of herself one step at a time. Who I am & who I acquire to be is yet to
come.