Butterfly (Process Analysis/ Informational)
Smarthinking's E-structor Response Form
(Your marked-up essay is below this form.)
HOW THIS WORKS: Your e-structor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your e-structor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] throughout your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking's OWL; best wishes with revising your paper!
*Strengths of the essay:
Hi Heather! I am Patricia C., and I will be your e-structor for your essay about the metamorphosis of a butterfly. First of all, I want to commend you for using transitions to connect ideas. For example:
“It seems like the larva and cocoon are doing nothing to the naked eye. However, it is possibly the most complex and visibly noticeable change thus far.”
The transition “However” is a clear indicator that you are presenting a contrasting idea to the previous one about larva and cocoon seeming to do nothing. Using transitions like that will help readers understand the discussion better, as it facilitates the smooth flow of ideas. Keep it up! =)
Main Idea/Thesis:
Now, you need to create a thesis statement that will express the process you are discussing in the essay so that readers will be guided in following the discussion. In your current introduction, you did provide some key points about the metamorphosis process:
“My most memorable lesson was one found in a slideshow Mrs. Fowlkes showed, about the butterfly. Still, twenty years later I can clearly explain how a millimeter-sized egg becomes a larva, then a pupa, and finally a wondrous butterfly.”
You can use those key points and turn them into a thesis statement at the end of your introduction that will give readers an overview of your essay. In particular, the thesis will tell readers the process you are discussing and your supporting discussion points about the process. Consider these questions when crafting your thesis statement: What is the process that you are discussing in your essay? What are the steps in
(Your marked-up essay is below this form.)
HOW THIS WORKS: Your e-structor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your e-structor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] throughout your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking's OWL; best wishes with revising your paper!
*Strengths of the essay:
Hi Heather! I am Patricia C., and I will be your e-structor for your essay about the metamorphosis of a butterfly. First of all, I want to commend you for using transitions to connect ideas. For example:
“It seems like the larva and cocoon are doing nothing to the naked eye. However, it is possibly the most complex and visibly noticeable change thus far.”
The transition “However” is a clear indicator that you are presenting a contrasting idea to the previous one about larva and cocoon seeming to do nothing. Using transitions like that will help readers understand the discussion better, as it facilitates the smooth flow of ideas. Keep it up! =)
Main Idea/Thesis:
Now, you need to create a thesis statement that will express the process you are discussing in the essay so that readers will be guided in following the discussion. In your current introduction, you did provide some key points about the metamorphosis process:
“My most memorable lesson was one found in a slideshow Mrs. Fowlkes showed, about the butterfly. Still, twenty years later I can clearly explain how a millimeter-sized egg becomes a larva, then a pupa, and finally a wondrous butterfly.”
You can use those key points and turn them into a thesis statement at the end of your introduction that will give readers an overview of your essay. In particular, the thesis will tell readers the process you are discussing and your supporting discussion points about the process. Consider these questions when crafting your thesis statement: What is the process that you are discussing in your essay? What are the steps in