cause and effect of divorce on childeren

How Children are affected by Divorce The American dream is to grow up, get a job, and get married. According to Webster’s Dictionary- marriage is the legal and binding union between a man and woman. But when couples get married, they vow to stay with their partner ‘till death do us part.’ Currently that vow seems to have no value in today’s society. The current statistics for survival of marriages are very bad. The divorce rate in the United States is somewhere around 50 percent. One factor to the growing situation of divorce is the parting of family members or the breakup of the family as a unit, as well as the effects it could have on the children or the other spouse.

When the family is broken up it can lead to divorce and ultimately many negative effects. Research evidence has shown that marital distress and conflict within a marriage causes a wide range of negative effects on the children of the fighting spouses. Many of the effects upon the children include depression, social inadequacy, and mental health issues. Some American couples suggest the divorce may be a way to solve their problems more easily, or quickly rather than taking the time to work things out with each other, “But marital counseling, pastoral counseling or family therapy is often a better way to resolve marital issues, even if the marriage cannot be salvaged”. (Kessler)

When divorce occurs it does not just happen between those that are married, everyone in relation to the divorced couple are effected. This presents many other problems. When this happens it is often called a community divorce which can contribute to conflicts between friends and create tension between family members of the both spouses involved. Most of the time, children are stuck in the middle of the divorce and believe that it is their fault that their parents are breaking up. A lot of the time, the children’s wellbeing is not properly taken into the big picture. Parents may become over occupied with the conditions of the divorce and begin to satisfy their own needs. Unfortunately, parents often lack the ability to realize that the majority of divorces can be resolved.

Many assumptions about divorces may be connected to the idea that. Unhappy, separated homes create the children to have problems. Happy homes create happy children. “Even in a so-called "good divorce," in which parents amicably minimize their conflicts, and even though their children usually become well-adjusted adults, children whose parents divorce inhabit a more difficult emotional landscape than those who grow up with married parents, according to a new survey of 1,500 adults ages 18 to 35”. (Lewin) But as well, what should be taken into account is that children learn from what they are raised in and that parents are their role models. Not only do the child’s parents create the ideals of skills, work ethic, and manners. But also, the cycle of abuse may be taught to a child from them witnessing it firsthand. If a child sees abuse in the home he or she is more likely to express the same actions compared to children from non - violent homes. Although divorce is seen by many Americans as an unfortunate ending to a chapter in life, many still make the choice to go through with it.

Life in general is quite costly and divorces are highly priced to everyone but the judge of the divorce case. After divorces, most women feel the weight of having to support themselves after so many years being taken care of by their spouse. A lot of woman in this situation lack skills and abilities to work and some also lack education. Men often benefit from the divorce economically. Some men stay single, ultimately avoiding the burden of another partner or family. When women are granted custody of the children, men are usually court ordered to pay child support or alimony. The men are obligated to pay for their children’s upbringing, many do not and if they choose to, it may not be enough or it may not be on time. Due to the lack of money, many seek help from the government.

The difference between children of divorced homes and non-divorced homes are contributed to 6 major factors. The first is the separation of a parent from the home. This may lead to emotional depression to the parties involved. The second is the increase in stress. Not only do children feel responsible for the divorce but they must also deal with the conditions of the divorce. An example could be, changing homes between the parents might be inconsistent for the children. Children may also feel stressed in finding new friends in their new neighborhood. The third is the economic loss. Single parent families are given a great burden to financially provide for each other. This could result in further isolation of the children. The fourth factor is the parent’s adjusting to the situation. If parents adjust poorly to the divorce situation the effects on the child could become more long term and can contribute to the children being in a divorce in the future. The fifth factor is the parent’s competency. The growing process for the children is greatly contributed by their parents and the parents serve as the example or role models. Not making proper choices or acting out will show bad behavior that the child is likely to pick up on. The sixth and final factor is conflict between parents, constant fighting between the parents has harmful effects on the upbringing of the child. “After divorce, children are even more in need of what they couldn 't get before: a sense of their two parents collaborating on their behalf. Continuing conflict is a stress that can derail development.” (Marano)

Most important, a divorce may have a lot of negative consequences for the children or the entirety of the family. In some situations divorce may be the best alternative. Unfortunately, in other situations the divorce may be the catalyst to use the children to obtain certain wants between spouses. Ultimately, the best suggestion is to try to work things out between each other, and if things are irreconcilable then divorce is the right option. People need to realize that is not just the separation of the ones we once loved but, that it is the changing of the lifestyles for the children involved.

Works Cited
Kessler, Randall M. "Putting Kids First Will Ease Divorce." Atlanta Journal-Constitution (Atlanta, GA). 25 Dec 2009: A.27. SIRS Issues Researcher. Web. 23 Oct 2013.
Lewin, Tamar. "Poll Says Even Quiet Divorces Affect Children 's Paths." New York Times (New York, NY). Nov. 5 2005: A9. SIRS Issues Researcher. Web. 23 Oct 2013.
Marano, Hara Estroff. "Children of Divorce: 25 Years Later." USA Weekend. Sept. 15-17 2000: 16-17. SIRS Issues Researcher. Web. 23 Oct 2013
Amato, P. R. (1993). Children 's adjustment to divorce: Theories, hypotheses, and empirical support. JOURNAL OF MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY, 55, 23-38.

Cited: Kessler, Randall M. "Putting Kids First Will Ease Divorce." Atlanta Journal-Constitution (Atlanta, GA). 25 Dec 2009: A.27. SIRS Issues Researcher. Web. 23 Oct 2013. Lewin, Tamar. "Poll Says Even Quiet Divorces Affect Children 's Paths." New York Times (New York, NY). Nov. 5 2005: A9. SIRS Issues Researcher. Web. 23 Oct 2013. Marano, Hara Estroff. "Children of Divorce: 25 Years Later." USA Weekend. Sept. 15-17 2000: 16-17. SIRS Issues Researcher. Web. 23 Oct 2013 Amato, P. R. (1993). Children 's adjustment to divorce: Theories, hypotheses, and empirical support. JOURNAL OF MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY, 55, 23-38.