Chronic: Premarital Sex

This case study talks about an issue that is becoming more and more chronic and alarming. For our culture, for the youth and for the future generation. We often hear the elders or adults say that “Today’s age is very different from what we have been through and experienced during our time.” And it is true. Together with the fast evolution of technology, so did the youths change. And what was that? It’s premarital sex.
Is it ok to have premarital sex? That is a common question among teens and engaged couples. Perhaps you are in a relationship that is progressing in that direction, but you're not sure what to do. In your mind, you are probably weighing the pros and cons of premarital sex. On the positive side of the scale, there is acceptance from your peers, hope for pleasure, make the one you love feel loved and the fulfillment of sexual desires. The negative side of the scale carries the weights of morals, fear of unwanted pregnancy or disease, guilt and regrets.
But maybe there is something inside you, like a voice in your head, that is making you uncertain about whether or not sex before marriage is a right or wrong action. Many people refer to this voice as their conscience. How can you know if your "conscience" is right?
Premarital sex, moral or immoral?
Morality is a factor for many people when deciding whether or not to have premarital sex. Is it a factor for you? At this day and age, teens are becoming more and more aggressive and impulsive. They tend to be so smart and would want to know about everything. Sometimes they do certain things without thinking about it once, twice or thrice.
What is immoral about having premarital sex?
On the other side, premarital sex is an immoral deed because it violates the word of God. The Bible explains, "…The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body" (1 Corinthians 6:13). Verse 18 of this chapter goes on to say, "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body." Galatians 5:19 speaks the same, "The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity…" Ephesians 5:3 says it most plainly, "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people." From these verses, we see that the Bible promotes complete and total abstinence from premarital sex.
Hearing different opinions and so much comments upon the discussion or the topic of premarital sex what does it really mean? Or what really is premarital sex? A word that we’ve been commonly hearing nowadays.

The Bible refers to premarital sex as fornication. That's a word we don't hear much these days, so what does it mean? Fornication is sexual intercourse between people who are not married to each other. The only distinction the Bible makes between premarital sex and adultery is that adultery involves married persons while fornication involves those who are unmarried. Premarital sex is just as much of a sin as adultery and all other forms of sexual immorality. They all involve having sexual relations with someone you are not married to.
Premarital sex is sexual intercourse engaged in by persons who are unmarried or in other words, it is sex before marriage. Going back to biblical times, premarital sex is referred to as “fornication”. It is forbidden, for sex creates a “one flesh” bond between two people. This powerful emotional attachment was designed by God only for married people. But why do unmarried people or those who are in a relationship also engage to this kind of activity?
Teenagers who feel incomplete, inadequate and unappreciated are more likely to seek comfort in a sexual relationship. But those with a life rich in relationships, family traditions, activities, interests and — most of all — consistent love and affirmation are less likely to embark on a desperate search for fulfillment that could lead to unwise sexual decisions. Those who have a healthy, productive faith in God are more likely to have deeply rooted reasons to respect and preserve the gift of sex and to respect rather than exploit others.
There are many factors why some or most teenagers engage to this kind of activity. One is Curiosity. Teenagers of today tend to be so smart and curious about so many things and that is why they explore without knowing that they are already exposing themselves to some kind of massive self exploitation. They didn’t know that they are already damaging their selves. Physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Second is Peer pressure. Peer pressure is one great factor being looked at. Peer pressure sometimes can be either good or bad. For a certain individual, it’s the feeling of belongingness that he/she wanted to feel. An example is during initiations, some other fraternities or gangs demands for a premarital sex. Another is, if a person is into a group of people or belongs into a so called “barkada”. If his/her mates are doing it and tell him/her stories about it he/she we’ll be curious to do it and we’ll be encouraged at the same time too. Third factor is the calling of the world. “If everybody is doing it, why would I won’t? If everybody is already doing it, why it is forbidden? If everybody is doing it, if I have sin because of it, then I won’t be the only one condemned. I’m not the only one.” A thought that could arise. Fourth is the emotion. For example, in couples, sharing love, and desires. Those could lead into having premarital sex. So much love can convince and blind a person to do it. And having different desires too. Desires are like magnets. When two people feel the feeling of need for affection and the desire for it, this could get them into engaging into premarital sex.
Premarital sex is not just immoral but it is also not safe for us. Physically and emotionally. Did you know that 50% of the people who currently have HIV are between the ages of 15 and 24? Using a condom only reduces the risk of contracting HIV by 85%. Condoms do not significantly reduce the risk of contracting other sexually transmitted diseases. Take these statistics into consideration when making your decision.
Emotional consequences happen 100% of the time. They are an unavoidable part of sexual intimacy outside of God’s will.
Most people don't consider the emotional effects of premarital sex. You see, sex is an emotional experience and it affects our lives in ways we don't understand. After engaging in premarital sex, many people express feelings of guilt, embarrassment, distrust, resentment, lack of respect, tension, and so much more.
Some of the risk factors for having premarital sex according to studies and researches are: * Alcohol and drug use. Aside from reflecting problem attitudes (rebellion, poor self-concept, invulnerability) that make sex more likely, intoxication also clouds judgment and weakens resistance to sexual overtures. * A steady boyfriend or girlfriend. Strong attachments and feelings of exclusivity invite nature to take its course, especially when physical expressions of affection begin early in the relationship. This is a particular risk in a situation where the boy is more than two or three years older than the girl is. If a teen romance appears to be getting hot and heavy and a lot of physical contact is already displayed, you will need to speak with both boy and girl diplomatically but candidly about the physical process they are setting in motion. * Little parental monitoring. Leaving adolescents alone for hours at a time or not requiring accountability is a setup for sex. * A parental belief that adolescent sex is appropriate. If you think premarital sex is okay, your adolescent will too and will act on that belief. * A parental belief that adolescent sex is inevitable. Many parents who disapprove of teen sex have also concluded that it is as certain as death and taxes. Their approach to the subject will thus be double-edged: "Don't do it, but in case you do, use this condom." Adolescents will get the message loud and clear and are likely to act accordingly. * Low grade-point average/low attachment to school. While school performance is affected by a variety of factors, a basic desire to do well in school reflects a more hopeful outlook on the future and a willingness to put off immediate gratification for long-term goals. Teen sex, on the contrary, usually reflects ignorance of or little regard for consequences.
This doesn't mean, of course, that every scholar is a bulwark of morality or that all who are not academically oriented are destined to be promiscuous. What ultimately matters is a person's commitment to basic values such as responsibility, respect for self and others and concern about the effect of today's decisions on the future. * A history of physical or sexual abuse. These acts against children and adolescents violate their bodies, minds and hearts. Sexual abuse creates a grossly distorted view of sexual behavior, destroys boundaries, and drives a deep sense of worthlessness into the emotions. Whether the abuse occurred in the distant or recent past, adolescents with this history need ongoing support, counseling and prayer to help them develop healthy attitudes about sex and about themselves. * Frequent family relocations. Moving generally stresses both parents and adolescents (especially if the kids resent the decision). This can erode parental authority and distract parents from involvement with their children. Bonds to social supports such as church groups that help prevent sexual activity are severed by multiple moves. Loneliness and loss of friendships may lead some teenagers to use sexual activity to gain social acceptance. These issues should be considered by parents who are thinking about a possible relocation. * Only one parent in the household. Parenting was meant to be a team effort, and some risks will naturally increase when one parent is left to do all the protecting and monitoring alone. Some studies do indicate that adolescents living with a single parent are more likely to become sexually active than those living with both parents. Work and household demands can prevent single parents from being as involved and attentive as they need and want to be. And the divorce and desertion that sometimes lead to a one-parent home can make teens uncertain about the value of marriage as the setting for sexual activity and about the role of sexuality in parental relationships.
This increased risk does not mean that adolescent sex is inevitable in single-parent families. But it does place an additional responsibility on single parents to send their teenagers clear and consistent messages about sexuality. And it is one more reason for single parents to enlist as much support as they can.

* To be able to know the reasons why teenagers engage into a kind of forbidden activity, premarital sex. * To be able to know and learn the feeling of what is next after premarital sex happened, the risk and consequences * To be able to impart some information about the chronic topic or problem being faced by teenagers of today.

* Premarital Sex- is sexual intercourse engaged in by persons who are unmarried. * Peer pressure- refers to the influence exerted by a peer group in encouraging a person to change his or her attitudes, values, or behavior in order to conform to group norms. * Curiosity- refers to the influence exerted by a peer group in encouraging a person to change his or her attitudes, values, or behavior in order to conform to group norms. * Fraternity- is a brotherhood, though the term sometimes connotes a distinct or formal organization and a secret society.

* Gang- is a group of people, through the organization, formation, and establishment of an assemblage, share a common identity.[1] In current usage it typically denotes a criminal organization or else a criminal affiliation. In early usage, the word gang referred to a group of workmen. The word gang often carries a negative connotation; however, within a gang which defines itself in opposition to mainstream norms, members may adopt the phrase as a statement of identity or defiance. * Emotion- Emotion is associated with mood, temperament, personality anddisposition, and motivation. It is a complex psychophysiological experience of an individual's state of mind as interacting with biochemical (internal) and environmental (external) influences. In humans, emotion fundamentally involves "physiological arousal, expressive behaviors, and conscious experience. * Love- is an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment.[1] In philosophical context, love is a virtue representing all of human kindness,compassion, and affection.

* Desire- is a sense of longing for a person or object or hoping for an outcome. Desire is the fire that sets action aflame. The same sense is expressed by emotions such as "craving" or "hankering". When a person desires something or someone, their sense of longing is excited by the enjoyment or the thought of the item or person, and they want to take actions to obtain their goal. * Affection- is a "disposition or rare state of mind or body"[1] that is often associated with a feeling or type of love. * Adultery- is a form of extramarital sex. It is sexual infidelity to one's spouse. It originally referred only to sex between a woman who was married and a person other than her spouse. * Moral- is a sense of behavioral conduct that differentiates intentions, decisions, and actions between those that are good (or right) and bad (or wrong). * Immoral- is the active opposition to morality, while amorality is variously defined as an unawareness of, indifference toward, or disbelief in any set of moral standards or principles. * Fornication- is a term that typically refers to consensual sexual intercourse between two people not married to each other.

My interviewee agreed to be interviewed by me, but did not greed on exposing her full name. Her nickname is LOVE. According to her, this name matches her because when she loves, it really is LOVE. She is born in 1993 and at present, she is 17. She is born and spent her childhood in the province, but when her parents separated, they transferred here in Manila together with her mother. Love is jolly, pretty and always full of life. And whenever she has problems, she never shows it to anyone because she doesn’t want anyone to get worried about her. She is smart too. She has good academic standings during her high school days and she doesn’t have any failing mark right now in college. If you’re going to look at her, Love looks like a very strong and independent person. She looks like she can cope up and survive everything with her looking strong image. But according to her, what we see in the outside was very different from the true Love inside. Love was brought up into a portrait of a very happy and loving family and so she was devastated when her parents separated because she never thought that could happen. She also has a very happy childhood. When they transferred here in Manila, everything about her was changed. Some are improvements and some are disappointments. The only thing that remains with her and the only thing that was never changed about her is her concern for her studies and the way how she hides every pain she feels. According to her, transferring from the province to Manila was never easy for her. Aside from the fact that every people she used to be with was left in the province, it’s also because she don’t have any idea of how life was like in the city. When she continues her studies, she met new friends and she had a “barkada”. She then was able to go along with everyone new with her. And so she learned how to smoke, how to drink, how to go out late at night and how to go home in dawn and in mornings. At first, she was amused how her friends were able to do such things and how their parents would allow them to do so. But when she’s becoming just like everyone else, she was able to answer her question. Her “barkada” according to her was never a bad influence on her. “Yes they do drink, they go out a lot, they go home late but they never pushed me to do anything I dislike. I became what I am not because they told me to be like them, but because it’s my will. And besides, were not doing anything harmful, we are just having fun and there’s nothing wrong with that. This is Manila and this is how the way of life goes for most teenagers. Even if we do such things we are proper. We know what is wrong from what is right. We know the family of one another and so we treat each other like a family too.” Love is fun to be with and she knows how to interact with people. Maybe that is why she has a lot of friends. She is outgoing, adventurous and would always think about others before herself. She always wants to make everyone around her happy. When someone has problems she is always ready to listen. In the group, she is like the mother. Many were grateful to her because she is helpful and never rejects anyone who wants to be friends with her. She is very kind and generous. She is very caring and thoughtful also. Love is also my friend and I know her too well. We belong in the same group, the same barkada. We do not differ much with our personality. If I would describe her, Love is like a bamboo tree. She always goes with the flow. Whenever where the wind blows, her body will follow. She never fights back. I’ve only seen her got mad once. She has a very long patience. Whenever she is feeling irritated or feeling mad she avoids it. She redirects herself to doing something else that would help her loose the unwanted feeling. I’ve seen how Love invests into a relationship and I am very amazed and afraid how she falls in love. Love is a good person, though a bit weak, she is learning. When I asked others about her, they never said anything against her because she is so good. She is that good and that is why I am afraid of her and for her. Because when someone is that good, that someone has a problem. And if that someone is able to be that good, I also believe that that someone can be as bad as she could. For being kind and good is harder than being bad.

*Me- Interviewer *Love- Interviewee Me: How old are you when you first engage into premarital sex? Love: 15 years old. Me: With whom did you did it? Love: With my first serious boyfriend. Me: Would it be alright if I asked how many times did you do it with him? Love: Yes. As far as I can remember, it’s more than five but less than ten. Me: Where did you did it? Love: At their house. Me: Is there anyone there in their house at that time? In what part of the house? Love: There’s no one else there but us, in his room. Me: Who was he with inside their house? Love: His parents and his younger brother. Me: Where are the people in their house at that time? Love: His parent’s were at work and his younger brother is at school. Me: Did he force you to do it? Love: No. Me: What is the reason why you agreed in to doing it with him? Love: Honestly I don’t know. Maybe it was because I was young and I don’t think about the things that I am doing. Maybe it’s also because we are curious about things. We’ve been impulsive and aggressive. We let ourselves be carried away with our feelings and the desires of the world. But if you’re going to ask me if at that time I love him, it’s yes. I love him. That could be the major reason why I did it with him. It’s because I’m afraid that I may lose him at that time if I don’t do it. But he never told me that he’s going to leave me if I don’t agree with it. And now I’m thinking that was stupidity. Me: Weren’t you aware that that was a sin? Love: I know it was a sin. But yet, I didn’t know why I still did it knowing it was a sin. Me: Are you still with the same guy? Love: Not anymore. We’ve separate about almost two years. Me: Who broke up? Love: At first, he broke up with me but when he insisted on going back I refused. Me: Why? Are you still having communications with him? Love: Yes. Were still having communications. He texts me a lot and he’s trying to get back in my life. I refused him maybe because I became tired of everything. I feel numb about him. Because when we were still together he has a lot of other girls and so we will break up and then he will get back with me again promising he won’t do it again but the scenario just keep on repeating and repeating and I already felt exhausted and done with his ways and so I decided to have a new life without him. Me: For how long did you stayed together? Love: We stayed together for 2 years, 3 months and seventeen days. It took me that long for me to realize that there can always be a new and better life for me without him. Me: Where you both legal on each other’s family? Love: Yes. He introduced me to his family even to his whole clan. And so I did introduce him to mine. Me: are you guys still seeing each other? Love: Yes. When there is a gathering with friends. Night out with the group or if there is a family occasion in them. His mother and other relatives will text me and request for my presence and if I’m available I go there. Me: How does it feel when you see him? Or when you see each other? Is there any uncomfortable feeling? Love: To me there is no more feeling anymore. I’ve outgrown being in love with him. Me: Were you on regrets that on a very young age you gave that man what you shouldn’t have give and you never ended up with him? Love: I regret. But I only regret giving what I shouldn’t have given. Not because he’s not the right one but I should have wait for the right time. I regret the way rushed into things and made the wrong decision not because we did not ended up together but because I realized that it’s the only thing I can be proud of until the day I get married. Until the day I surrender myself to the man I’m going to be with for the rest of my life. Me: Are you afraid that no man will ever accept you again? Love: At first I was afraid, but until my someone came into my life and accepted me for who I am. He accepted my past and my present wholly. Me: Do you believe that he’s the right one for you now? Or are you willing to giving it to him? Love: I don’t know. We can never can tell. But I do hope that he’s gonna be it. I’m praying a lot for us. Because he’s the one I already I wanted to be with for the rest of my life I think. The question about giving it up to him, I don’t know but if I’m going to or before I did. I’m gonna think about it a lot of times. I’m gonna weigh everything first. Me: What have you learned from your mistakes? Love: I’ve learned a lot about it. Literally. A lot about it. I can never summarize that LOT. And I don’t have to. Because in myself I already know what are those things that I have learned.

Through the help of this case study I have learned a lot about premarital sex and deeper understanding and knowledge about it. I’ve also got the chance to know more about people engaging into this kind of activity. They helped me and I guess I was able to help them too. I was able to impart something to them too. They were able to impart their feelings, experience and outlook to me while I was able to impart knowledge about the chronic subject to them. There are a lot of things that I have learned. One is what is really is premarital sex. The subject matter and a better or more justified meaning about it. Comments and opinions from those who are greatly knowledgeable about the subject matter helped me understand what it really is. Discussions, arguments and talks that I’ve found and obtained while conducting and gathering informations about this study also helped me to have a deeper understanding and it made me interest more about the subject matter. Those informations I‘ve obtained encouraged me to finish this case study and dig deeper about the subject. Through them I was not only able to finish this case study but also to be interested in this case that I am studying. Second is I’ve learned what are the factor’s why teenagers are plunging into those kinds of activities even if they know that it was a sin and the word of God is being violated. And those factors are mentioned earlier in the forepart of this case study. Personally, from this case study what I have learned is that if you think of doing something you know is not good or you know will not do any good to you and to your loved ones, think about it a lot. Not once not twice not even thrice but think about it repeatedly and constantly until you’ve convinced yourself not to do it because you know there would be a lot of consequences and regrets. Think about it repeatedly and constantly until you’ve realized that you’ve been stupid for even just thinking about it. Let us not rush things out. For certain things are meant to happen in their own time. They need the right timing. And as the saying goes, “There is time for everything”. Let us try to listen to the elders and to our parents for sometimes they know what is right for us. They have more experiences than what we have. Meaning they have a lot of life lessons learned already than we are. “We are just on our way and they have already pasts by us”. They have been there and have already done that. Let us not forget that they have been also young once and maybe they have been like us once. “A mango tree will always yield a mango fruit. An apple tree will never yield a mango”. What I mean is if we are like this now, then maybe our parents are like this during their time too. * More bonding time with parents and children specially teenagers Teenage years are said to be the most complicated part of a person’s life. For this is the stage of confusion. The stage where everything starts. For this stage is a stage of adjustment from childhood to adulthood. Teenagers will be needing guide and more attention especially to this stage where in they can’t merely decide on what is wrong and what is right. Parents should guide them in order for them to surpass this stage successfully. Good parenting is mostly needed at this time. A parent can either make or break his/her child. Take time to see your teens and have a talked with them before they sleep. Encourage them to open up and not to be shy for you are their parents and that no matter what you’ll be the only one who will never leave them and you’ll always try to understand them.

* Parents should share them stories while they are growing up. Tell them your dilemmas when you were a teenager. Make them feel that they are not the only one going through with it. Bond with them and meet their friends so you’ll get to meet the people your child is going with. Explain every misunderstanding with them and have a lot of patience for handling a teenager can be so hard. Make them feel love and lots of love. * Make them feel loved and accepted no matter what. Make them feel that no matter what he or she looks like or no matter what he or she is you are proud of him/ her. So they won’t most likely to seek love, affection, acceptance and plunge into an early serious relationship or get into some group of people who can be a bad influence to your child. * Teenagers should learn how to communicate with their parents Most teenagers are most likely to avoid talking to their parents about their problems because they are shy about it. They would prefer telling their friends rather than telling their parents. Advices from elder’s are better for they have more experiences.

“Case Study” A deeper understanding and exploration with today’s most chronic issue.

In partial fulfillment of the requirements in PHI 203, this case study is submitted to Prof. Peter Go-Monilla.

Submitted by: Armhen Kaith L. Mendoza TTH 1:30- 3:00