Deborah Tannen Sex Lies And Conversation Analysis

As the rate of divorces in the United States rises greatly per year, the question as to ‘why’ comes up. Which then brings many factors into perspective, but the factor of miscommunication comes up more frequently than others. As published in The Washington Post in 1990, Deborah Tannen discusses the factor of miscommunication in her article, “Sex, Lies, and Conversations:Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?”. In which she discusses how communication or the lack thereof can impact marriages for both men and women, as well as both men and women feel about conversation within a relationship.
Tannen explains that there is a new pattern that has been observed when it comes to couples discussing the problems within their
When growing up and interacting with others, boys and girls usually play with other children who are of the same gender. Showing that the a child’s development is based upon peer interactions which link to how they talk with their significant other (208). Men and women interpret the need of conversation differently as they are growing up, typically men stay more reserved towards their friends, where women are more likely to talk more openly. When women and men grow together in order to form relationships, the women will be more expecting of the man to be open and talkative when it comes to their conversations, whether they be in public or in the privacy of their own home. This stems back to how a woman is raised. Women are raised to not be afraid to express themselves, so because of this, a wife will expect “her husband to be a new and improved version of a best friend” (208). A sense of closeness is formed within a relationships, when conversations of importance are brought up. If that bond is not formed early on, the relationship could
Which isn’t the case, but because men typically don’t express their feelings, but as Tannen explains, when a man explains his feelings it’s usually of a matter of importance. She also explains that when a boy tries to talk to someone about one of his problems he usually gets shot down where when a girl talks to one of her friends about her problems “the friend responded by asking probing questions and expressing agreement and understanding”(210). This brings back the idea that women expect men to be better best friends when it comes to them talking, but the men don’t get the same treatment when they go to talk about their problems.
According to Tannen men often get frustrated with the conversational tendencies of women. Tannen states, “Men who expect silent attention interpret a stream of listener noise as overreaction or impatience” (210). This can lead to arguments within the relationship, leading women to believe in disloyalty within the conversation if her significant other takes the time of “pointing out the other side of the argument” (210). Tannen also describes this matter as men taking a woman’s complaining for too literally which can lead into more