Definition and Explanation of Interpersonal Communication from Perspective Discussed in Class

1. DEFINITION AND EXPLANATION OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION FROM PERSPECTIVE DISCUSSED IN CLASS.
There are two perspectives or views that defined and explained Interpersonal Communication. It is otherwise referred to as dyadic communication. The two views are contextual and developmental view. Developmental View was discussed in class.
We have many different relationships with people. Some scholars say that our definition of interpersonal communication must account for these differences. These scholars say that interacting with a sales clerk in a store is different than the relationship we have with our friends and family members. Thus, some scholars have proposed an alternative way of defining interpersonal communication. This is called the developmental view. From developmental view, interpersonal communication is defined as communication that occurs between people who have known each other for some time. Developmental view takes into consideration the relationship between the interactants involved in the communication process, whereas the contextual view ignores the relationships between the interactants completely.
Interpersonal communication would thus include what takes place between a son and his father, an employer and an employee, two sisters, a teacher and a student, two lovers, two friends, and so on. Although largely dyadic in nature interpersonal communication is often extended to include small intimate groups such as the family. This view of interpersonal communication and relationship is outstanding in the sense that it perceives each participant as a distinct individual with unique needs.
The development perspective of interpersonal communication, on the other hand, treats interpersonal communication as dynamic. Miller and Steinberg (1975) argue that Interpersonal communication develops as people get to know each other. Communication between strangers is less interpersonal than communication between friends. Extremely relevant to achieving personal as well as professional success.
The development perspective of interpersonal communication has some disadvantages:-
1. It is not easy to tell as observers when two or more people know each other personally.
2. It is difficult to tell when a particular interaction has become personal.
According to developmental view, effectiveness of communication depends on largely informal usage of verbal and non-verbal messages. Interpersonal communication is the verbal and nonverbal interaction between two interdependent people (sometimes more). Verbal message includes the use of human speech sounds in oral communication and symbolic representation in writing. Non-Verbal Message includes facial gestures, voice, intonation, physical distance, silence and format of document (in writing). Another important thing to note in interpersonal communication is element of communication. This is because of it's significant role in building up mutual relationship.
Every process is made up of interacting elements or components. Communication is made up of about eight elements—communicator, message, channel, medium, noise, context, feedback and effect.
Interpersonal communication involves communicator. Those involved in a particular communication encounter are called sender-receivers or transceivers. They simultaneously send and receive messages. There are no (and there should not be) permanent senders and permanent receivers; both alternate roles as senders and receivers. The information that is exchanged between transceivers is the message. It is the content of the communicative encounter. A message has two aspects—the content aspect which is the core distinct information and the relational aspect which is the affective stimuli we send along with the core information. The short statement, ‘come in’ has as its content the invitation to come in. However, the way it is said (relational) can suggest that we really have been looking forward to seeing the person being addressed, that he/she is not welcome or that he/she had in fact better not come in. The relational aspect of a message shows our attitude, feelings and emotions towards the person with whom we are communicating. Messages are sent and received through channels. These include our five senses as well as the physical carriers of message such as paper, light and airwaves. Human beings are multi-channel communicators and the more the channels engaged in a communicative act, the greater the chances that the act would be a successful one. The medium of communication often refers to the technical aspects of communication. In communication studies, we talk of mass media such as newspapers, radio and television. Mass media or media of mass communication can be divided into two: print media referring to newspapers, magazines, books and, in fact, whatever is printed; and electronic media which refer to radio, television and the computer. Electronic media can be sub-divided into two: broadcast media such as radio and television and narrowcast media i.e. cable, the Local Area Network (LAN) and Wider Area Network (WAN) of computers and the Internet. Medium and channel are used interchangeably by some communication scholars whereas some try to separate them. The latter claims that while radio is a (mass) medium, it is not a channel. Rather, it makes use of airwaves as its channel. Television uses both light and airwaves to reach people. Writing is a medium that uses paper and light as channels. In communication, there is almost always noise, which refers to whatever stands between the transceivers and makes communication difficult. It is anything that interferes with the easy flow of messages from one transceiver to the other. Noise comes in various forms. There is the physical noise which refers to that which disturbs the ears. There is also physiological noise which refers to disturbances arising as a result of discomfort, fatigue, pain or sickness in the body of one of the transceivers. When any of these is present, it affects the quality and impact of communication. There is also linguistic noise—wobbly writing, incorrect or inarticulate pronunciation and the use of expressions that are too advanced for or strange to one of the transceivers. Those bent on impressing (or dazzling) their listeners with bombastic expressions run the risk of creating linguistic noise. Communication takes place in a context, setting or environment. The place in which something is said dictates, to some extent, the meaning the transceivers attach to it. If Femi, a pupil knocks at the principal’s door and hears ‘Yes’ from within, he goes in because ‘Yes’ means ‘Come in’. But it does only in that setting. If the same Femi knocks at the door of the loo, and hears the same principal say ‘Yes’ from within for whatever reason, he will certainly not go in because ‘Yes’ from inside the loo means ‘Don’t come in’. A good communicator must always take into account the power place has on meaning. Another dimension to the context of communication is the size-related dimension. This gives us contexts of communication such as intrapersonal (communication from a person to him/herself); interpersonal communication which involves two or more people; group communication; organisational communication and mass communication. The verbal and non-verbal responses we get during communication are called feedback. Without it, communication is an incomplete, one-way information dispersal effort, which is really not communication at all. Feedback helps us to know how clearly our message is reaching our co-communicator. Feedback comes in verbal forms such as when questions are correctly answered or when people say ‘Yes’ or ‘No’. A greater chunk of feedback, however, comes in non-verbal forms such as head nods, smiles, frowns and facial expressions that show confusion, approval, understanding etc. Finally, communication has effects. Effects of communication are very difficult to measure. That is why many communication researchers prefer the terms impact and influence. This however does not negate the presence of effects. Whatever people do as a result of our communication with them is the effect of our communication. Gamble and Gamble (1996) talk of three kinds of effects. There are physical, emotional and cognitive effects. When what you told someone caused him/her to clap, fight, hug, speak, scream or do any such physical act, then the effect of your communication is physical; if it caused him/her to be sad, happy or frightened, then the effect was emotional, and if by communicating with someone you added to the person’s knowledge or gave him/her new insights, the effect is cognitive. The result of a communicative act can be a combination of the three. For instance, if the people in a farm settlement were told that in response to their demands, the government has approved a subsidy on fertilizer, they are likely to show sincere happiness (emotional effect), laugh and shake hands (physical) and get better insight into the power of properly articulated demands (cognitive). There cannot be communication without effect, and a good communicator is always conscious of the effects his acts may have on other transceivers. The effect of communication is determined by so many factors. These include the listener’s personality, his/her background generally (especially his/her background knowledge of the issues being discussed), culture, gender and so many others. That is why many times different people receive similar messages but react differently. A communicator should not think he/she can easily manipulate people to achieve whatever effect he/she wants: people are not robots.

2. INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION AND INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP ARE SYMBIOTIC.
Interpersonal relationship can be considered as the connection between two or more than two people. What causes individual to come together is interpersonal communication and what happens to the interpersonal relationship they enter into over time is the result of interpersonal communication. Whatever happens to interactants in interpersonal relationship it is crucial for them to understand that interpersonal communication is crucial to interpersonal relationship building. Interpersonal communication is outstanding to interpersonal relationship in the sense that it perceives each participant as a distinct individual with unique needs.
Interpersonal communication is essential to maintain a romantic or an intimate relationship. One has to be engaged in the process of Interpersonal communication for maintaining positive relationship with friends and family members. Work-place relationship, getting along properly in the neighborhood, clubs or places of worship has also everything to do with how effective a person’s interpersonal communication is. Precisely, being an active part of the society demands interpersonal skills and relationship development. Interpersonal communication is the life blood or the death blow of an interpersonal relationship. Therefore, interpersonal relationship and interpersonal communication are symbiotic in nature.

CHARACTERISTICS OF INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP.
(1) Interpersonal relationship Involves Interdependent Individuals.
Interpersonal relationship is the relationship that takes place between people who are in some way “connected.” Interdependent people are engaged in interpersonal relationship. These people are relying on one another for one reason or the other. In other words, every individual has something(s) to benefit in a mutual relationship. For example, I involve in relationship with my colleagues to benefit or gain from their academic knowledge competency, while they have relationship with me because of my computer competency knowledge. Therefore, interpersonal relationship cannot be in existence where only one person is benefits from the relationship. Also, what one person does has an impact on the other person. The actions of one person have consequences for the other person. In a family, for example, a child’s trouble with the police will impact on the parents, other siblings, extended family members, and perhaps friends and neighbours.
(2) Pattern of interaction is unique to every individual in relationship. This means that every individual has a unique way of interaction in interpersonal relationship. The unique pattern of an individual can be different from general pattern of interaction in such relationship. Individual communication styles are as unique as fingerprints. Basically all fingerprints look similar, patterns of ridges and swirls. But on close inspection, they are shaped differently. The difference is in the details. This unique pattern can be referred to as personal style.
(3) Participants in interpersonal relationship are two or more in number. A relationship is normally viewed as a connection between two individuals, such as a romantic or intimate relationship, or a parent–child relationship. Individuals can also have relationships with groups of people, such as the relation between a pastor and his congregation, an uncle and a family. Most scholarly work on relationships focuses on the small subset of interpersonal relationships involving romantic partners in pairs or dyads.
(4) Interaction for some time: This is the last characteristics of interpersonal relationship. It's means that individuals in relationship must have had contact together for some time, because first contact does not constitutes relationship. Sharing of experience, exchange of conversation, discussion of personal opinion, and other personal matters must have been shared before individuals know each other.

INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP DEVELOPMENT
A. INITIATING – The stage of initiation involves the initial making of contact with an-other person. An American communication scholar Mark Knapp restricts this stage to conversation openers, both in initial contacts and in contacts with acquaintances: Nice to meet you, “How’s it going?” and so on. At the initial stage, the characteristics of effective interpersonal communication are usually present to only a small degree. You’re guarded rather than open or expressive, lest you reveal aspects of yourself that might be viewed negatively. Because you don’t yet know the other person, your ability to empathize with or to orient yourself significantly to the other is limited, and the “relationship”—at this stage, at least—is probably viewed as too temporary to be worth the effort. Because the other person is not well-known to you, supportiveness, positiveness, and equality would all be difficult to manifest in any meaningful sense. The characteristics demonstrated are probably more the result of politeness than any genuine expression of positive regard.
At this stage, there is little genuine immediacy; the people see themselves as separate and distinct rather than as a unit. The confidence that is demonstrated is probably more a function of the individual personalities than of the relationship. Because the relationship is so new and because the people don’t know each other very well, the interaction is often characterized by awkwardness—for example, overlong pauses, uncertainty over the topics to be discussed, and ineffective exchanges of speaker an listener roles. Partners try to create favorable impression; observe for cues about personality, attitudes and willingness to engage in further interactions; look for ways to open communication channels; communication is cautious and shallow.
B. EXPERIMENTING – In the stage of experimenting, the conversation develops as the people get acquainted by making “small talk.” We ask: “Where are you from?” or “What do you do?” Though small talk might seem meaningless, Knapp points out that it serves four purposes: It is a useful process for uncovering integrating topics and openings for more penetrating conversation ; It can be an audition for a future friendship or a way of increasing the scope of a current relationship; It provides a safe procedure for indicating who we are and how another can come to know us better (reduction of uncertainty); and It allows us to maintain a sense of community with our fellow human beings. The relationship during this stage is generally pleasant and uncritical, and the commitments are minimal. Experimenting may last ten minutes or ten years. The willingness to pursue relationships with strangers is partly a matter of personal style. Some people are outgoing and others more shy. But culture also plays a role in orientations to newcomers, especially ones from a different back-ground. Research suggests that members of some cultures—Chinese and Japanese, for example—are more cautious in their first encounters with strangers and make more assumptions about them based on their backgrounds than do North Americans and most Europeans. This fact might explain why people from certain backgrounds appear unfriendly, when in fact they are simply operating by a set of rules different from those common in the outgoing United States.
C. INTENSIFYING – At the next stage the kind of truly interpersonal relationship defined earlier to develop. Several changes in communication patterns occur during intensifying. The expression of feelings toward the other becomes more common. Dating couples use a wide range of communication strategies to describe their feelings of attraction.
About a quarter of the time they express their feelings directly, using metacommunication to discuss the state of the relationship. More often they use less-direct methods of communication: spending an increasing amount of time together, asking for support from one another, doing favors for the partner, giving tokens of affection, hinting and flirting, expressing feelings nonverbally, getting to know the partner’s friends and family, and trying to look more physically attractive. Touching is more common during this stage than in either earlier or later ones.
Other changes mark the intensifying stage. Forms of address become more familiar. The parties begin to see themselves as “we” instead of separate individuals. It is during the intensifying stage that we begin to express directly feelings of commitment to one another.
D. INTEGRATING – As the relationship strengthens, the parties begin to take on an identity as a social unit. Invitations begin to come addressed to the couple. Social circles merge. The partners begin to take on each other’s commitments: "Sure, we’ll spend Thanksgiving with your family.” Common property may begin to be designated—our apartment, our car, our song.
Partners develop their own rituals for everything from expressing intimacy to handling daily routines. They even begin to speak alike, using common words and sentence patterns. In this sense, the integration stage is a time when we give up some characteristics of our old selves and become different people. As we become more integrated with others, our sense of obligation to them grows. We feel obliged to provide a variety of resources such as class notes and money, whether or not the other person asks for them. When intimates do make requests of one another, they are relatively straightforward. Gone are the elaborate explanations, inducements, and apologies. In short, partners in an integrated relationship expect more from one another than they do in less-intimate associations.
E. BONDING- During the bonding stage, the parties make symbolic public gestures to show the world that their relationship exists. The most common form of bonding in romantic relationships is a wedding ceremony. Bonding generates social support for the relationship. Both custom and law impose certain obligations on partners who have officially bonded. Bonding marks a turning point in a relationship.
Now the relationship may have developed at a steady pace: Experimenting gradually moved into intensifying and then into integrating. Now, however, there is a spurt of commitment. The public display and declaration of exclusivity make this a critical period in the relationship. Relationships don’t have to be romantic to have a bonding stage. Business contracts form a bond, as does being initiated into a fraternity or sorority. Acts like these “officialize” a relationship and involve a measure of public commitment. 3. YOUR SELF-CONCEPT DETERMINED THE WAY WE COMMUNICATE INTERPERSONALLY.
We give and receive messages by a process called communication. These messages influence our own behaviour and self concept, and also the behaviour and self concept of others. The way we communicate with others is important because that's how we let people know who we are, what we believe in, what our values are, and how we feel.
The self-concept is a set of relatively stable perceptions that each of us holds about ourselves. The self-concept includes our conception about what is unique about us and what makes us both similar to, and different from others. To put it differently, the self-concept is rather like a mental mirror that reflects how we view ourselves: not only physical features, but also emotional states, talents, likes and dislikes, values, and roles. One can discover himself/herself by answering a simple question: Who am I? ”How do I define myself? As a student? A man or woman? By my age? My religion? Occupation? There are many ways of identifying yourself. One can also discover/identify himself/herself through the following list ways: moods or feelings, appearance and physical condition, social traits, talents one possess or lack , intellectual capacity , strong beliefs and social roles. Though not all listed items would be equally important. For example, the most significant part of one person’s self-concept might consist of social roles, whereas for another it might consist of physical appearance, health, friendships, accomplishments or skills.
An important element of the self-concept is self-esteem: our evaluations of self-worth. One person’s self-concept might include being religious, tall, or athletic. That person’s self-esteem would be shaped by how he or she felt about these qualities: "I'm glad that I am athletic,” or “I am embarrassed about being so tall,” for example, Self-esteem has a powerful effect on the way we communicate. People with high self-esteem are more willing to communicate than people with low self-esteem. They are more likely to think highly of others and expect to be accepted by others. They aren’t afraid of others’ reactions and perform well when others are watching them. They work harder for people who demand high standards of performance, and they are comfortable with others whom they view as superior in some way. When confronted with critical comments, they are comfortable defending themselves. By contrast, people with low self-esteem are likely to be critical of others and expect rejection from them. They are also critical of their own performances. They are sensitive to possible disapproval of others and perform poorly when being watched. They work harder for undemanding, less critical people. They feel threatened by people they view as superior in some way and have difficulty defending themselves against others’ negative comments.
Self-awareness is also an element of self-concept. It is recognition of our personality, our strengths and weaknesses, our likes and dislikes. Developing self-awareness can help us to recognise when we are stressed or under pressure. It is also often a prerequisite for effective communication and interpersonal relations, as well as for developing empathy for others.
 The self-fulfilling prophecy refers to the idea that what you believe about yourself often comes true because you expect it to come true.
 Your level of self-esteem affects the kinds of prophecies you make about yourself and colors your interpretation of events.

SELF AND COMMUNICATION STYLE
Assertiveness: This is a style where individuals are able to be firm advocates of their own rights and needs without infringing the rights of others. Assertive communication is a product of good self esteem; these individuals value themselves, their time, their own beliefs and needs and are able to be strong advocates for themselves whilst remaining respectful of others. There are many benefits of being assertive, such as better time management, increased self esteem and the ability to negotiate more effectively. Assertion means standing up for what we want.
Responsiveness: In this style of communication, some people find it harder than others to be assertive because of their natural easy-going style, and therefore they place other persons' interest on their own. In other words they have more empathy for people they interact with.
Aggressive or driver communication can also occur from a place of low self esteem or highly assertive often caused by some form of trauma or past ill treatment. This is a style where the individual will ensure that their own needs are met at the expense of others. The individual feels very clear in expressing their own feelings, opinions and judgments of an individual or a situation, and this often appears as rude or verbally aggressive. They often criticise and are likely to blame others. At the extreme, the type of behaviour that will be displayed could be an overbearing voice and posture, they will interrupt frequently and fail to listen well. They will say things like “your opinion isn’t worth anything” or “it’s your fault”, and people can be made to feel intimidated.
The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
The self-concept is such a powerful force on the personality that it not only determines how we communicate in the present, but also can actually influence our behavior and that of others in the future. Such occurrences come about through a phenomenon called the self-fulfilling prophecy. A self-fulfilling prophecy occurs when a person’s expectation of an out-come makes the outcome more likely to occur than would otherwise have been true. Self-fulfilling prophecies occur all the time although you might never have given them that label. For example, one expected to become nervous and botch a job interview and later did so. A teacher or boss explained a new task to his student, saying that the student probably wouldn’t do well at first. The student did not do well. A friend described someone you were about to meet, saying that you wouldn’t like the person. The prediction turned out to be correct—you didn’t like the new acquaintance. In each of these cases, there is a good chance that the outcome happened because it was predicted to occur. One needn’t botched the interview, one might have one better on the new task if his boss hadn’t spoken up, and you might have liked the new acquaintance if your friend hadn’t given you preconceptions. In other words, what helped make each outcome occur was the expectation that it would happen. There are two types of self-fulfilling prophecies. The first type occurs when your own expectations influence your behavior. Like the job interview earlier, there are many times when an outcome that needn’t have occurred does occur because you expect it to. In sports you have probably psyched yourself into playing either better or worse than usual, so that the only explanation for your unusual performance was your attitude that you would behave differently. The same principle operates for anxious public speakers: Communicators who feel anxious about facing an audience often create self-fulfilling prophecies about doing poorly that cause them to perform less effectively.
Research has demonstrated the power of self-fulfilling prophecies. In one study, communicators who believed they were incompetent proved less likely than others to pursue rewarding relationships and more likely to sabotage their existing relationships than did people who were less critical of themselves. On the other hand, students who perceived themselves as capable achieved more academically. In another study, subjects who were sensitive to social rejection tended to expect rejection, perceive it where it might not have existed, and over react to their exaggerated perceptions in ways that jeopardized the quality of their relationships.
The self-fulfilling prophecy also operates on the job. For example, sales people who perceive themselves as being effective communicators are more successful than those who perceive themselves as less effective, despite the fact that there was no difference in the approach that members of each group used with customers. In other words, the apparent reason why some salespeople are successful is because they expect to succeed. As the nearby cartoon suggests, self-fulfilling prophecies can be physiologically induced: Researchers have found that putting a smile on your face, even if you’re not in a good mood, can lead to a more positive disposition.
The self-fulfilling prophecy is an important force in communication, but it doesn’t explain all behavior. There are certainly times when the expectation of an event’s outcome won’t bring about that outcome. Your hope of drawing an ace in card game won’t in any way affect the chance of that card’s turning up in an already shuffled deck, and your belief that good weather is coming won’t stop the rain from falling. In the same way, believing you’ll do well in a job interview when you’re clearly not qualified for the position is unrealistic. Similarly, there will probably be people you don’t like and occasions you won’t enjoy, no matter what your attitude. To connect the self-fulfilling prophecy with the “power of positive thinking” is an over simplification. n other cases, your expectations will be borne out because you are a good predictor and not because of the self-fulfilling prophecy.

4. CONFLICT IS UNAVOIDABLE IN INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP.
Conflict is one of the inescapable aspects of individual, group or social relations. It develops in situations in which one party perceives that the other party has frustrated his/her major concerns in relationship. Conflict, therefore, involves specific perceptions, emotions and behaviour of the persons involved. It is a dispute in which each party expresses hostility towards the other party and intentionally interferes with the other's goal attainment.
Although, conflict is an important feature of human relations, if not attended at the right time may take huge proportions. It has many faces from gentle to harsh, direct to indirect and organised to unorganised.
Generally, conflict is regarded as an evil to be eliminated whenever and wherever possible. But studies show that certain level of conflict is inevitable and desirable. Some amount of conflict is good for the well being of the individual and the organisation. When conflict exists, free expressions become possible where conflicting viewpoints may be explored which in turn facilitate improved interpersonal resolution. Moderate level of conflict helps people in an organization to realize their own potentialities and limitation, increases their motivation, energy and ingenuity and promote their initiative and innovativeness. Conflicts help to spot light personal, group and organizational problems and deficiencies and to direct efforts toward their societies. Constructively used and held within reasonable limits conflict can create a climate of adaptation, dynamism and creativity.