Definition Essay: Asexuality As The Existence Of Sex

Asexuality is simply put as the absence of sexual attraction towards any gender. It’s not a synonym for chastity or abstinence; it is a sexuality on its own, separate from any choices a person makes or romantic feelings a person has. My first memory of ever revealing that I might consider myself asexual was the response, “So you can produce your own offspring?” This idiotic question came from the same 14-year-old who later decided that I can’t be asexual because I “have to like one or the other.” For some reason, the sexual attraction that this pubescent teenage boy experienced was so powerful that he found it impossible for me to lack the same feelings, meanwhile I was baffled by the idea of it at all. For months I searched for an answer for my illness. I spent hours online looking for a diagnosis, using hormonal imbalances or inexperience as an excuse. Feeling broken because of the nonexistent feelings I should have didn’t help my developing self-esteem. I went to my closest friends who I thought could help, who were
The more I discovered, the less I doubted that I was ace. More and more people come out as asexual every year, even people who are in loving, healthy relationships. Sex is a choice; asexual people aren’t afraid of the actual act, we just don’t experience it the same way as others. To me, it’s downright confusing, and I don’t think I’ll ever understand it, but it doesn’t mean intimacy isn’t an option. It’s just a matter of finding someone who will accept me for me, whether that person is a woman or man, it doesn’t really matter. What does matter is the feelings we share, and a mutual understanding of how my sexuality affects our relationship. I am proud of who I am and will never be ashamed to tell anyone, whether or not they think it’s a valid part of the LGBT+ community. Changing who I am for the wants of others is not an option and I would rather stick to my identity than let anyone else try to alter