Digging For This Poem Sparknotes

Within Alex Dimitrov’s first book of poetry, Begging for It, one is able to establish his artistic interpretation within his work. In addition, one is able to notice segments of his subject of pain and his conquest of shame. Through a psychological lens, one is able to see Dimitrov portray his gender by acknowledging the gay community. This allows one to explore the relationship of artist and contemporary gay poetry that he creates. Moreover, allowing one to observe how his identity shapes his poetry. Dimitrov’s gay identity is what makes his poetry distinct from others creating juxtaposition between gender and sex.
“Sensualism” portrays the narrators longing for feeling. This poem expands upon the idea of lust, and companionship of another. In doing so, the narrator portrays his need for intimacy that he mistakes pain for passion. Analyzing the title, “Sensualism”, which is to allow one to satisfy their sexual pleasure, creates a foundation for comprehending the poem. “A mosquito presses into my skin/ with such cruelty I mistake it for love” (Sensualism, 2-3). This literal interpretation creates a tone of emotional despair, conveying the narrator’s sexual desire. Pain becomes the conduit for love or in this case lust. Yet, at the same time pain is more than just a conduit it is
a reflation of the narrators emotional being within society. For example, “We have some words/ for each other and then what?/ We have some nights in a city” (Sensualism, 7-9). Dimitrov could have written a poem about lust; however, he decided to contrast love and pain to created an event that expressed desire, agony, and imagery.
Dimitrov’s poem, “Sensualism”, is entwined with literal and abstract meaning presented by a mosquito that becomes personified. Within stanza two, the narrator addresses a stranger who never speaks but has just entered his bedroom. However, the stranger is not identified, instead, the narrator has an epiphany, “Where was I? / I was opening the door to your life/ and mine” (5-7). The mosquito is depicted as an insect; yet, the speaker personifies the bug, “The mosquito will drink/ for as long as I’ll let it, And I do./ I hold still waiting for you” (15-17). By addressing the mosquito as “you”, he refers to it as the other sentient being within the poem that the narrator has been talking to within the poem. In doing so, the narrator has crated an insect that has emotions that can satisfy the narrators’ emotional despair and innate urges. By establishing pain and love within the narrators presents is a reflection of his emotional despair and self-punishment.
Daimitrov’s poem “I Will Be Loving” is a poem that contains literal and imaginative significance.
However, the poem itself focuses on the narrator demeaning himself. “Someone on the internet tells me, / ‘If we ever meet, I will lovingly degrade you’” (1-2). This sentence portrays the narrator having an online conversation with another person. However, what stands out is the significant of the word degrade. One can realize that to “lovingly degrade” could mean to humiliate or damage but in a lovingly way implies in a sensual way. This theme of pain and love portrays itself as a theme within Daimitrov’s two poems. One might also notice that there are two unknown characters within both
poems.
The poem “I Will Be Loving” then leads the reader to focuses on the narrators’ father. The narrator claims that he does not know his father the way that is dad wants him to. “Not the way he wanted to be known,/ not even the way I wanted him” (IWBL, 5-6). The first person narration creates a visual image of the narrator allowing the reader to distinguish the ton of regret and sham. Again, this theme of pain entwined with the love that he desires form his father. “Every time I walk into a bedroom/ I pretend to be someone I’m not/ interested in talking about in poems” (IWBL, 10-12). This quote demonstrates two critical points. One, that the narrator himself is actual Dimitrov, simply by stating “talking about in pomes”, portrays author himself reflecting on his artistic process for writing his poetry. Second, Dimitrov is claiming that he is ashamed of his inability to be himself when he has sex. The theme of degrading himself that arises within both poems demonstrates that Dimitrov cannot have pain without love.
The Juxtaposition of love and pain is a reflection of society’s social norms pressed upon Dimitrov that puts him in a position to confront the social norms. Dimitrov’s sexual identity allows him to write about the struggle of love for gay men. Dimitrov’s homosexuality is his identity and by portraying the hate and pain that encompasses love, he is able to demonstrate the struggle of a gay man in today’s society. Moreover, the imagery that is projected on the reader creates an anxious; yet, critical point within his work. For example, “The first man who kissed me/ also put his entire fist in my mouth” (IWBL, 13-14). Dominated by a lover in bed is degrading; however, in this instance portrays his approval of the sham. Further, on in the poem, Dimitrov points out that the last man inside of him refused to kiss him. By portraying this, one is able to see Dimitrov confront humiliation and pain on a physical and mental level. In doing so, Dimitrov has taken control of pain and love and used it as a means to reflect today’s society. One is able to see Dimitrov’s reference to his father by regretting their lack of communication and love for one another. “Every time I have sex I am leaving the town” (IWBL, 7). This line illuminates Dimitrov’s escape from his father and society’s judgmental views of homosexuality.
“I Will Be Loving” is one of Dimitrov’s most revealing poems that allow him to take control of the sham within his life. “I am always inside m. / I am always inside./ I will lovingly degrade myself./ I will lovingly degrade myself for you./ I will degrade myself, reader./ For you” (IWBL, 17-22). By analyzing this quote the reader is able to see the repetition of Dimitrov’s use of “I”. Doing so, allows Dimitrov to reveal himself as the narrator. Moreover, he is able to establish his conquest of degrading himself; by allowing himself to be degraded, he accepts it, doing so allows him to overcome pain, love, gender, and sex. The juxtaposition of love and pain, sex and gender, allows Dimitrov to reveal himself to his readers and by analyzing both of these poems one is able to see the narrators gaze shift from a third person perspective but to a first person narration of himself.