Divorce. How can we prevent divorces? What can the government do?

Introduction

When people first meet and fall in love they feel like everything is wonderful. When they think of their future together, it's filled with the smell of roses. But sometimes, life ends up differently for them. Sometimes it's just the thorns they feel. Lots of couples argue and fight over little things. Many wonder whether all the fighting is worth keeping their marriage together or even normal. Is there hope for their marriage?

Divorce has become very common. Usually it's just because marriage has become a task. One researcher says, "Compared to years ago, people today pay less value on obligation to other, on sacrifice, and on self-restraint. We place more value on individualism, on self-expression and self-realization, and on personal choice" (Galston 4). These changes occurred because people's principles have changed. We are more accepting of divorce today than we were years ago.

Gray believes that many marriages in trouble can be saved and a successful marriage all depends on the husband and wife working together. He also says that sometimes love is easy and other times it needs effort. We shouldn't expect to always be loving and we need to be understanding when we don't know how to be loving (285-286).

Couples need to be provided with the tools they need to keep their relationship strong. I think there are three ways we can prevent or lessen our chances of divorce. The first step occurs before marriage, the second during marriage, and the third at the beginning of divorce.

Statistics and Facts

It's pretty obvious that the divorce rate is very high and continuing to grow. According to "The Divorce Center", "In 1998 2.2 million couples were married and 1.1 million couples divorced. In 2000, 58 million couples were married yet separated". It's also proven in this research that 60% of all divorces happen to people between the ages of 25 and 39.

Currently, the United States is number one in divorces in the whole world ("Nation Master"). About 20% of Catholic and 40% of Jewish marriages end in divorce after five years of marriage. Currently, in the United States, there are more than 12 million females and over 9 million males who are divorced ("Divorce Peers"). The Population Monitor reports that, "In 2002, the peak age for divorce among men was 42 years, while for women the peak age was lower at 34 years."

Main Effects

Children that are part of a divorced family are more likely to have problems growing up. Hughes says, "... children from divorced families are on 'average' somewhat worse off than children who have intact families". Children of divorced families also have more trouble in school, their behavior, and getting along with their parents (Fagan and Robert 2).

More than one million children are affected by divorce each year (Fagan and Robert). Children are greatly affected but there are ways to help them cope. Both of the parents need to work together if they want to help their children. According to Hughes, both parents need to make sure the children understand that both mom and dad will discipline them when needed, protect them from harm, and love the child and remain in the child's life. Also, according to this research, it's very important to keep a standard routine with the bedtimes and chores.

Pre-Marital Education

The first point of intervention should occur at the beginning of marriage. People need to be educated about marriage before they get themselves into something they wouldn't be able to handle. Couples who want to get married need to understand the reality of marriage and the responsibilities that come along with it. A law should be passed forcing couples that want to get married finish a program that prepares them for marriage. According to a research Marano did, "Markman said, 'the quality of the couple's communication before marriage is one of the best predictors of future marital success'" (3).

Premarital classes can really help relationships. Couples who attend classes will learn how to communicate and solve problems together. These skills can strengthen their marriage. Couples who participate in premarital counseling have a better understanding of marriage. If a couple wants to get married, they should have to go through marriage counseling to make sure they thoroughly understand the reality of marriage. McManus states, "Marriage prep should break weak relationships apart. It should bring out the strengths and weaknesses so that those in weak relationships end their engagements instead of their marriages (World and I 2).

During Marriage Counseling

Problems early in a marriage worsen over time. Couples who are able to resolve their problems have the best chance of having a successful marriage. "Couples should view their discrepancies as a way to help develop their relationship skills. What's crucial is how these differences are handled" (Hagen and Hopson 2).

Most couples don't have the chance to learn the skills they need. Counseling during marriage can help teach communication skills, ways to resolve a conflict, and other skills they can use in the future. Marriage counseling helps couples change their ways and habits. Also, couples can find out how they contribute to a problem and how they can resolve it. Counselors help resolve communication issues. They teach people how to listen to each other and find solutions to their problem.

Problems will never go away by avoiding them. The book "Should I Stay or Go?" says that marriage counseling can help resolve issues of the present and also work to develop settle techniques that you can use in the future (Raffel 217-226). Counseling, even during marriage is needed. Just because you are married it doesn't mean things will get easier. Even if you are able to successfully resolve problems, you might still need help later on. Schwab claims, "A healthy relationship calls for constant treatment and for constant effort. What is suitable for the one year will not work the same for the next year".

Beginning of Divorce

Even if couples went through all the steps they needed for a healthy marriage, they might still have problems. Counseling, even at the threshold of divorce, should be taken. The law should be changed. In some places in the United Stated one spouse can end the marriage without the other knowing. States should require a waiting period where both spouses can think about what they want to do. Merrill explains, "Even in cases where both parties consent, there should be appropriate braking mechanics, a mandatory pause for reflection, counseling, and meditation". The government should try helping couples whose marriage is in trouble.

Conclusion

I think the main key to holding a marriage together is time. The other way is counseling. There are three ways we can try to save a marriage. The first occurs before marriage, the second during marriage, and the third at the threshold of divorce.

We all need to open our eyes and realize the importance of helping people avoid a marriage that would end in divorce. Most couples that are engaged most likely don't think they need to prepare themselves for marriage. It should be required for people who want to get married to take premarital classes. They should be educated in communication because too many couples get married without being taught the important skills on communicating.

Works Cited:

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"Divorce Peers." Statistics. 2004. 24 May 2004.

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