Dying to Live

Tabitha Sharp
EN-1102
Cory Latta
Learning Autobiography Essay

Dying to Live

Growing up, I have attended several funerals and memorials. I have never been around a dead body or witnessed a death. When viewing the body, I am the one you see darting out the back. I have never handled death well. When my sister-in-law was killed in a car accident in 2008, she was the first I had ever seen. I remember her not looking like herself. They had a lot of makeup on her, she did not wear makeup, and parts of her hair were coming off her scalp. I was horrified. She was not at all herself. I had a hard time sitting through the service. Half way through, I went and sat outside crying. Asking what they had done to her. I told myself that day, Never again will I look at the dead. I kept my word and attended 4 more funerals and 2 memorials, but always left before the end.

For the past year, I had been my grandmother's ( Mama Kay) caregiver. Spending time with her was the highlight of my week. She was the most Christian person I have ever known. She was my role model. Mama Kay taught me so much. I would have to say that she helped me grow in my faith. I had talked to her about how death freaked me out. Not actually dying but being around a person after death. I explained to her how it made me feel. Mama Kay told me that the feelings I had were normal. It takes a strong person in their faith to except death and know that when the body dies, the soul is set free. That when we take that last breath, we look normal. It is when they put makeup on us that we do not look ourselves. But they have to do that because our bodies turn cold and have no blood flow for color. So it is to make us look alive. I knew all that but she had to explain it for herself. We had talked a little more about it over the year and I told her that I wasn't sure if I could see her after she dies. She said it will not be bad, that she will look like she is sleeping peacefully. I smiled and told her that I would let God decide were I need to be when that day approaches. She agreed.

The last 2 weeks of her life was difficult for me. I had never watched anyone pass on. I was with her almost everyday. Two of my aunts and I rotated days and nights. We watched her sleep. They had sedated her so the last 16 days, she was non responsive. On January 7, 2014 I stood with 3 of my aunts and my mother beside Mama Kay's bedside. I put my hand on her leg and we sang “I'll Fly Away” as she took her last breath. That was one of the saddest but happiest days of my life. She was right, she looked so peaceful.

Mama Kay taught me that death is the only way we can live again. The circle of life, so to speak. I miss her everyday and I will cherish that special moment when I sang her to heaven. I know that is where God wanted me to be and I wouldn't have realized it if she had not talked to me about it. She has taught me a lot in life and I will never forget it. She is in her garden in the sky. Living her new life.