Effects Of Divorce On Children

The choice to divorce is an agonizing decision that many families face, but is divorce truly okay for children? There has been much research and studies done on both sides of this issue, but in the end, the children are the ones that are left with dealing with the change in their lives. It is a decision that shakes the environment that was supposed to be the source of their stability. It is the same as the death of a parent and in the end they are dealing with all the same stages of grief. No, divorce is not okay, just as the death of a parent is not okay. Death is not a choice, but divorce is. In the end, there is no such thing as a “good” divorce.
In today’s society, more than 40% of children under 16 years of age will experience
divorce in the family compared to the turn of the century when 25% of children experienced the death of a parent before the age of 15 (Amato 1994). This is a huge jump in the percentage of children feeling the abandonment of a parent through a decision of one the parents. Children are shown to suffer long range effects in various areas of their lives, including bonding, attachment, coping strategies and various developmental delays. It is due to these reasons that parents are presented with a moral dilemma; are they doing enough to save their marriage for the sake of the overall welfare of the children. Are parents doing enough to save children from the impact of divorce?
When a couple decide to get married, they are responsible for the life of the child that they raise through birth or adoption.
A child relies on their parents as they grow up and learn to be independent, and with this reliability, they form bonds and attachments. It has been noted that parents have the most influence on a child’s development than any other outside influence. (Wang, Peterson, & Morphey, 2007). These areas have the longest lasting effects into their adult life that impact possible career choices, relationships, faith and moral decisions. When parents get divorced, they are breaking the trust and bond that they have created and depending on what stage the child is in their development, it can create emotional damages that last throughout their entire life. In young children, the emotional bonds they create also allows them to grow in certain other developmental areas (such as feeling secure, trust, etc.) and when the parents get divorced, the sense that the child has to rely on their parents is gone and this can lead to unpredictable circumstances and, therefore, behaviors that can cause emotional issues such as anxiety and trauma (Quinn, 2008). Mr. Donal Quinn states that, “Children are accustomed to routine and structure. These concepts provide security and stability for them. As a consequence of divorce, their routine is disrupted,” (Quinn, 2008). With divorce, no matter what stage of development the child is in, the trauma of divorce can severely do
emotional damage no matter what development state they are in.
Children between the age of 0-3 have developmental needs that impact their emotional stability in the future, such as smooth routines, affectionate bonds and sufficient contact with all caregivers just to name a few (Kot and Shoemaker). In addition, children under the age of three will most likely lose the attachment of the person that they do not see as often, and therefore, this causes them to have a difficult time creating a parental bond (Kot and Shoemaker). So if a child is staying and living with their father, and their mother moves out due to divorce, the mother-child bond that they had before will slowly be diminished. In addition, without the noncustodial parent, separation anxiety will occur and once the child reaches the age of two, they will be much more likely to be affected by the divorce emotionally that will impact their future emotional development.
As children grow and enter the childhood stage, there is a high chance that these numbers of negative effects will increase.
Also, older children slowly begin to understand the concept of divorce and many negative effects will begin to impact them. Their academic behavior is shown to suffer which may lead to the long-term effects on their confidence level. In addition, depression and anxiety could intensify because the children will be torn between their mother and father. (Kot and Shoemaker). Shoemaker and Kot explain that, “the perception of “losing” a parent may cause the child to be hesitant in forming close relationships with others for fear of another loss” (Kot and Shoemaker). With less parental involvement and supervision, there is the likelihood that the child will act in delinquent behaviors (Kot and
Shoemaker).
Overall, it has been shown that divorce truly does have a negative impact in the total development of a child and should therefore, be avoided. This does not advocate staying in an environment that is abusive to anyone. And at that point, the parent has a moral obligation to keep the children safe. Resources should be available to help parents seek the counseling they need to overcome whatever differences are causing the possible divorce. Parents have an obligation to their children to try to reconcile. They can use their faith to help their marriage provide for a safe, loving home and allowing the children grow in a nurturing environment.

Amato, P. R. (). Life-Span Adjustment of Children to Their Parents' Divorce. The Future of Children, Vol. 4, p. 143.
Pickhardt, C. E. (2011, December 19). The Impact of Divorce on Young Children and Adolescents. Psychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist. Retrieved April 22, 2014, from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201112/the-impact-divorce-young-children-and-adolescents

Kot, L., & Shoemaker, H. M. (). Children of Divorce: An Investigation of the Developmental Effects from Infancy Through Adulthood. Divorce and Remarriage, Vol 31.

Wang, A., Peterson, G.W., & Morphey, L.K. (2007). Who is more important for early adolescents’ developmental choices? Peers or parents? Marriage and Family Review, 42, 95-122.