Essay On Abusive Relationships

Abusive Relationships Abusive relationships are characterized by extreme jealously, raging, sexual coercion, infidelity, threats, lies, broken promises, physical violence and control games. This relationship may be between a parent and a child, a husband and his wife and even between boyfriends and girlfriends. Abuse can take the form of physical, emotional and sexual abuse. The issue is whether abusers should be blamed for their actions based on their childhood experiences, pre-meditated actions and effects on the victims.

Often, abusers are survivors of abuse themselves. They act out of deep shame and low self-esteem due to their abusive childhood. Therefore, it is not surprising that abuse is a family dysfunction that repeats through generations. Usually, the abused becomes the abuser and the cycle continues. A very good example of this is Josef Fritzl, an Austrian man who imprisoned his daughter for 24 years in an underground basement about 1.5 m high. He sexually abused her and caused her to father seven children of his, of whom one died three days after birth. Josef later admitted to having an abusive relationship with his mother and blamed his actions on his abusive childhood.
Abusers plan their actions before abusing their victims.
This shows that their actions are deliberate and not an ‘accident’ caused by their inability to control themselves in their anger. After every abuse, they fantasize about the next abuse and manipulate their partners to carry out their plans. This can be seen in a case of a boy named David Pelzer who was repeatedly abused by his mother. She will set him a short time limit to do his chores. After that, she will proceed to punish him harshly for not completing his tasks in time. Fortunately for David, his school nurse and headmaster reported this matter to the police. However, as the law for abuse cases were not clearly written back then in 1973, David’s mother was not charged with child
abuse.

The most obvious effect of an abuse is bruises appearing on the body of the victims due to physical abuse. Victims are usually depressed, downcast, withdrawn, fearful and have a low self-esteem. These victims are reluctant to leave the relationship as the abusers make them feel that they deserve nothing better than them. Due to the lack of self-esteem and an unstable financial status, the victims are more content to stay in the relationship especially for those with children. Also, they cling on to the hope that their partners will change his ways. This is why women who are abused still stay and endure the abuse. An example of this is the recent news of Rihanna and Chris Brown. It has been reported that they are still together despite the news of the abuse being highlighted in many papers.

A person is well able to make a decision whether or not to abuse those around them. David Pelzer, an abuse survivor, for example, now writes novels and travels to give speeches against abuse. He also has a great relationship with his son despite his abusive childhood. Oprah Winfrey, another abuse survivor, is the first African-American anchor who hosts her own talk show. She constantly highlights the plight of women and children in her talk show. It can thus be concluded that abusers should take responsibility for their actions based on their pre-meditated abuse episodes and the effects on the victims despite their childhood experiences.