Eulogy For Father

I leaned over my dog's grave it was right next to my grandmothers and my own mother's beyond that, I had never knew my mother, she had died not long after I was born. Because of that my father hates me. When I say it like that it sounds bad, let me explain as best I can. He doesn’t actively hate me in fact there are times he is almost kind. But there are also times when his hate reveals itself like a snake lashing out to strike at its victim, who had never seen it coming. It is times like these when I feel I can see the death of his wife replaying itself before him. My grandmother always told me not to take his hate personally, he has had a terrible ten years, he loves me but sometimes his sorrow blinded him. He hates everything though that
I guess I can’t fault him, winter was coming and we needed the money. He made me sell them too. One by one. With every match I sold I felt like I sold a little part of her. And me. People mostly buy them out of pity, I think. I came home yesterday a few hours before my father to make some broth for dinner. Oh how I wish something other than green onions survived. I left my shoes by the fire to warm them up when I went to bed. I wasn’t worried about the fire, father would be home soon and he would put it out after he was done eating. Hopefully my shoes would dry before then I didn’t really want to go to town with wet shoes. My grandmother had bought me those shoes. I liked them very much but I loved Stella so much more. She must have been feeling lonely she chewed them. My father was not happy. I finished pushing the dirt over the hole where I had placed the bruised and broken body of my dog and looked to the cottage, my dad had woken up. I don’t want to go inside, not now. Today was new year's eve or it will be once dawn breaks. I walk to town in the dark, the starlight lighting my path, very clear sky for winter. I look at the stars and I think of my grandmother and my Stella. Stars themselves both of them. Then I remember she once said that there is one star for everyone on earth and that when a star falls it means someone has left