Graduation Speech: How To Screw Up Hockey Tryouts

Congratulations newly minted hockey star! Now you have been selected to tryout for the best team around. Next comes the hard work and time you have to put into it. This is when most people give up because it's simply work, plus the drills and rules. There are many people that get invited to these kinds of tryouts all the time. Now you want to make this count unlike the other lazy people that can't do the drills right. It's not just lazy hockey players that quit because of the work and rules they have to put into it and follow. All kinds of athletes in different sports do this too. And if all these athletes can do it, so can you. With my How to Screw Up Hockey Tryouts* Book series.
Ten essentials, just to get you started:
Missing a shot 5 feet wide of the net. You're the new kid at tryouts
this year so you're a little nervous. To make it worse, you just screwed up a drill for yourself by taking a shot and missing the net so wide that if there was another net there, you still wouldn't have scored.
Break your stick. You are already having a bad tryout, now to make it worse, you broke your $200 stick. You forgot your back-up stick at home, so now you're pretty much screwed unless another guy will let you borrow his stick. Life sucks because every guy at that tryout got mad before they came and smacked their stick against a tree.
Being late for the tryout.
You made the cut for the last tryout but it’s at 4:00 the next day and your bus gets home at 4:00. Now you have to take off school early and you dad has to take off work early. Good luck getting to that practice on time.
Screwing up the easiest drill. So you managed to get through practice so far, but your nerves have gotten to you and now you screwed up the easiest drill that was ever invented. The drill is where you literally get passed to and shoot the puck. It's not too easy when you don’t know how to catch a pass.
Getting lit up at your first tryout. Well this is a great way to give a first impression. You're all pumped up because you were the best at 1 on 1’s on your last team. You take off going 1 on 1 and all the sudden you're laying flat on the ground. Congratulations on being the best at 1 on 1’s this year.
Trying to hit and get reverse checked like you're hitting a brick wall. You're trying to get back at the guy that nailed you the first tryout. So you skate up to him like a lamborghini going 1000 miles an hour and try to knock him down and make him eat the ice. Now the whole world turns upside down because you just ran into a brick
wall.
Let’s make fun of the coach. You are the best guy out so you think you can do anything and still make the team. Guess what….. You were wrong. Making fun of the coach is an instant cut.
Talking when the coach is talking. The coach is trying to teach a drill to the players but you don't want to listen so you start talking to your teammate.
Forgetting some of your gear. So you're wanting to have the perfect practice, but you forget your pants. You forget the biggest piece of equipment that you have… Yeah that's logical.
Having a high school hockey game the night of the tryout. Even though it's not your fault, you can't go to the tryout because you have a high school game at the