Growing Old Paper

For this assignment, I interviewed one of my relatives, who is an 86-year-old white male of French-Canadian descent who currently resides in an apartment complex for the elderly in Manville, Rhode Island. He is in overall excellent health for his age and enjoys spending time with his family, particularly his young great-grandchildren.
One of the few disadvantages to growing old that A.R. mentioned was that he is constantly having to go the funerals of friends he has known his whole life. It is always a sad reminder for him that he will also eventually die and it is not something he tries to think about very often. He seems to still be grieving the loss of these friendships and repeatedly mentioned this throughout our discussion. According to Kubler-Ross’s theory on grief, he fits into the depression stage, but it is no longer as severe as it probably once was. I cannot say he has reached the acceptance point yet, though I do think
that he is well on his way to getting there. In addition, since I know him personally outside of the context of this interview, I am aware that this is something he tends to keep inside unless asked about it. This goes along with Doka’s idea of Disenfranchised Grief, which states that people tend to suffer more when they do not grieve publically. As a male and has always been known as the patriarch of the family, he most likely does not want to show these negative and vulnerable emotions (CSWE, 2010).
To A.R., the other negative consequence of aging is having to worry about his health and body far more often than before.
He misses being able to play golf and go dancing weekly, so now he has to resort to just watching these on television. In addition, he is very anxious about falling down and being forced to live in a nursing home where he would lose his independence. He has to climb stairs in order to get to his apartment and the elevator is far away, so this is a major concern for him. In addition, it has become increasingly difficult to be able to clean his own living space, but he does not want to have to spend the money on a maid service. However, he mentioned that all things considered, he feels he is very lucky health-wise compared to other people his age. Although he can no longer drive at night, he still travels to the grocery store, local family members’ homes, and the bike path. Also, A.R. is able to go for half-mile walks on the path four to five times per week, which he feels is rather impressive for a man in his
eighties.
A.R.’s daily life seems to contract Cumming and Henry’s disengagement theory. This states that “as people aged, they naturally withdrew from society by reducing the number of social roles and ties to others” (Roy, p. 349). However, he seems to still have an active social life and remains in contact with his family and the friends he has left. As part of his daily routine, he visits the local bars and interacts with the acquaintances he has made there, which has come to be a special part of the afternoon. He still values his morning and evening alone time, but also knows the importance of spending time in the company of others often. Even though he has moderate anxiety, he does not let that hinder him and he is open to forming new bonds with people he meets at the bars or his apartment complex.