How Children Are Affected by the Media
How Children are affected by the Media Michelle Krueger ENG/101 11/11/2012 Rosemary Cummings
[The first sentence is very important—no matter how impressive the information or discoveries in the rest of the essay, the reader must be “hooked” by the first sentence. Try to compose a first sentence that will pique the interest of the reader. Possibilities are a summary of what will follow, an illustrative anecdote, some background information, a question, and a description, an example of a problem, a definition, or a quotation.] [Double space throughout your essay.] What parent’s may not often realize malleable [Replace this word or phrase with one that is more appropriate for academic writing.)] and may easily receive information through television, radio, Internet websites, video games, and other public source, which perhaps would be beyond their parents capability to supervise. During this time in their development, children are very susceptible to negative influence from music and child stars. Famous figures such as Justin Beiber, Dora the Explorer, and the heroes and, villains of video games, (whose Entertainment Software Rating Board, or ESRB, ratings are often disregarded) are the kind of individuals whom children will often idolize and emulate. However, we [Eliminate first person (I, we, our) in academic essays.] as adults know, these child stars and popular icons are products of the agencies that employ and create them. These agencies are for entertainment, not developmental health. These groups focus solely on attracting an audience for profit whether or not their material is beneficial, neutral, or detrimental. Because of these varying and widespread influences
[The first sentence is very important—no matter how impressive the information or discoveries in the rest of the essay, the reader must be “hooked” by the first sentence. Try to compose a first sentence that will pique the interest of the reader. Possibilities are a summary of what will follow, an illustrative anecdote, some background information, a question, and a description, an example of a problem, a definition, or a quotation.] [Double space throughout your essay.] What parent’s may not often realize malleable [Replace this word or phrase with one that is more appropriate for academic writing.)] and may easily receive information through television, radio, Internet websites, video games, and other public source, which perhaps would be beyond their parents capability to supervise. During this time in their development, children are very susceptible to negative influence from music and child stars. Famous figures such as Justin Beiber, Dora the Explorer, and the heroes and, villains of video games, (whose Entertainment Software Rating Board, or ESRB, ratings are often disregarded) are the kind of individuals whom children will often idolize and emulate. However, we [Eliminate first person (I, we, our) in academic essays.] as adults know, these child stars and popular icons are products of the agencies that employ and create them. These agencies are for entertainment, not developmental health. These groups focus solely on attracting an audience for profit whether or not their material is beneficial, neutral, or detrimental. Because of these varying and widespread influences
Citations: of original works within the body of the paper and the reference page are consistent with Associate Program style guidelines. | | The paper is laid out with effective use of headings, font styles, and white space. | | Rules of grammar, usage, and punctuation are followed. | | Spelling is correct. | | | | Total 250 Points | Points Earned 180/250 | Overall Comments:Michelle,You have a strong idea here but it is not well organized. The thesis statement is not clear and does not tell the reader what the essay is about. You did research but you didn’t use it well within the paper. This essay lacks real organization and there are numerous citation errors. Some good effort here, but the piece is still all over the place. Also, you make all these generalizations that are really just your opinion. Be careful of that. Again some good ideas. |