How To Be A Police Officer
Jillian David
Ms. Eyer
English 4 AP
October 31 2014
How to be a Police Officer in Ripon
Being a police officer should not be taken lightly- especially in the slums of Ripon. Crime is on every corner of this villainous city; you never know what might happen on any given day on the job. As a police officer of fifteen years, I have outlined a list of tips and priorities you should have as a policeman in Ripon.
First, jaywalking is the ultimate offence. Approach every jaywalker with caution, you never know what they could have on them. Jaywalking, the act of crossing the street in an unmarked area, is seen as a public display of aggression. This type of rebellion against clearly marked crosswalks makes the citizenry of Ripon recoil in horror. The first thing you must do is approach with caution, the next thing to do is rest your hand on your gun. Third, yell at them and publicly arrest them for their offense. If this isn’t enough to get the Ripon Record on scene, perform an aggressive pat-down of the suspect claiming that you smelled cannabis on or near the suspect.
Second, loitering. Just the word itself should be a crime. Churches, schools, and Girl Scout cookie sale tables are hubs for dangerous loitering. The after-church crowds are the most grievous. They are large and require crowd control, particularly when part of the crowd has consumed large amounts of sugar from the donuts they are served. Always rest your hand on your gun; a shot in the air is known to disperse any aggressive crowds.
Third, the delinquents without helmets are a transgression to the safety of the public. These delusional delinquents are the prime criminals in this city. The priority for this offence is much higher than that for any other scofflaw. On the way to a domestic violence call, be sure to stop for twenty-five minutes and explain to this felon why they are irresponsible and must dismantle their bike because of the lack of proper headwear.
Litter bugs fill our streets like the locusts
Ms. Eyer
English 4 AP
October 31 2014
How to be a Police Officer in Ripon
Being a police officer should not be taken lightly- especially in the slums of Ripon. Crime is on every corner of this villainous city; you never know what might happen on any given day on the job. As a police officer of fifteen years, I have outlined a list of tips and priorities you should have as a policeman in Ripon.
First, jaywalking is the ultimate offence. Approach every jaywalker with caution, you never know what they could have on them. Jaywalking, the act of crossing the street in an unmarked area, is seen as a public display of aggression. This type of rebellion against clearly marked crosswalks makes the citizenry of Ripon recoil in horror. The first thing you must do is approach with caution, the next thing to do is rest your hand on your gun. Third, yell at them and publicly arrest them for their offense. If this isn’t enough to get the Ripon Record on scene, perform an aggressive pat-down of the suspect claiming that you smelled cannabis on or near the suspect.
Second, loitering. Just the word itself should be a crime. Churches, schools, and Girl Scout cookie sale tables are hubs for dangerous loitering. The after-church crowds are the most grievous. They are large and require crowd control, particularly when part of the crowd has consumed large amounts of sugar from the donuts they are served. Always rest your hand on your gun; a shot in the air is known to disperse any aggressive crowds.
Third, the delinquents without helmets are a transgression to the safety of the public. These delusional delinquents are the prime criminals in this city. The priority for this offence is much higher than that for any other scofflaw. On the way to a domestic violence call, be sure to stop for twenty-five minutes and explain to this felon why they are irresponsible and must dismantle their bike because of the lack of proper headwear.
Litter bugs fill our streets like the locusts