How to Retain Pulchritude While Lost in the Woods
27 October 2013
How to Retain Pulchritude While Lost in the Woods Many people panic when they realize they are lost and focus solely on survival, forgetting the importance of their appearance. They emerge from the solitude of the wilderness alive but completely disheveled, bearing no regard to their unkempt hair or dirty and tattered clothing.
If you are going to get lost, you need to remember that looking good is the top priority so that when you are found you look like a professional model in your picture on the cover of Survivalist magazine. If you are lost in the woods, your first priority is to locate a suitable shelter to rest in. It will be very hard to maintain your good looks if you lack beauty sleep, so make sure that you pick a comfortable flat area free from any jagged rocks protruding from the ground. If you are not familiar with the area you are lost in, try finding a friendly woodland creature such as a bear and ask it for lodging recommendations. Once you realize that it is impossible to converse with a bear, you will have to fend off the ferocious 350-pound animal you just enraged. Before engaging the bear, be sure to remove your clothes so that they do not become soiled while you fight for your life. Next, grab any weapon you can find from your backpack, whether it be an emergency flair, a survival knife, or even that lucky horseshoe you carry around everywhere. If you neglected to bring any supplies before getting lost in the woods, be careful not to let the bear inflict upon you any wounds you will not later be able to cover with clothing as you fight it to the death. Once the bear is dead, you can claim its cave as your home. Your new bear prize can be utilized for many purposes. Its hide can be removed and worn as a fashionable fur coat, while its bones can be used to decorate your luxurious one-room apartment. Because malnutrition is not in style right now, be sure to prepare and eat the bear’s meat so that you can maintain your
How to Retain Pulchritude While Lost in the Woods Many people panic when they realize they are lost and focus solely on survival, forgetting the importance of their appearance. They emerge from the solitude of the wilderness alive but completely disheveled, bearing no regard to their unkempt hair or dirty and tattered clothing.
If you are going to get lost, you need to remember that looking good is the top priority so that when you are found you look like a professional model in your picture on the cover of Survivalist magazine. If you are lost in the woods, your first priority is to locate a suitable shelter to rest in. It will be very hard to maintain your good looks if you lack beauty sleep, so make sure that you pick a comfortable flat area free from any jagged rocks protruding from the ground. If you are not familiar with the area you are lost in, try finding a friendly woodland creature such as a bear and ask it for lodging recommendations. Once you realize that it is impossible to converse with a bear, you will have to fend off the ferocious 350-pound animal you just enraged. Before engaging the bear, be sure to remove your clothes so that they do not become soiled while you fight for your life. Next, grab any weapon you can find from your backpack, whether it be an emergency flair, a survival knife, or even that lucky horseshoe you carry around everywhere. If you neglected to bring any supplies before getting lost in the woods, be careful not to let the bear inflict upon you any wounds you will not later be able to cover with clothing as you fight it to the death. Once the bear is dead, you can claim its cave as your home. Your new bear prize can be utilized for many purposes. Its hide can be removed and worn as a fashionable fur coat, while its bones can be used to decorate your luxurious one-room apartment. Because malnutrition is not in style right now, be sure to prepare and eat the bear’s meat so that you can maintain your