of men. Cross is well intentioned but unsure of how to lead his men. Tim O'Brien shows us this, "Cross must lead his men through the rice paddles of Vietnam. He would rather be back in New Jersey with Martha, a girl he loves who does not love him back" (1249). He was a young soldier, drafted like many others, and committed to the war effort and getting his men out alive. He is not emotionally or patriotically committed instead simply seeing the war as his assigned job to which he gives his best effort. "His mind wandered. He had difficulty keeping his attention on the war" (1254). He carries a different kind of gun and the responsibility to protect his men, "Jimmy Cross carried a compass, maps, code books, binoculars, and a .45 caliber pistol that weighed 2.9 pounds fully loaded. He carried a strobe light and the responsibility for the lives of his men" (1253). He may have been the lieutenant of the platoon, but he wasn't ready to hold that rank. Although Lientenant Jimmy Cross was a soldier, he was also a love stricken boy.
"He was a kid at war, in love. He was twenty-four years old. He couldn't help it" (1255). When O'Brien mentions Jimmy Cross in the story, he also often involves Martha, "First Lieutenant Jimmy Cross carried letters from Martha" (1249). On top of the carrying letters from Martha he also carried pictures of her in his wallet. And O'Brien shows how important that relationship means to Jimmy when he states, "Lieutenant Cross kept to himself. He pictured Martha's smooth face, thinking he loved her more than anything, more than his men" (1252). Jimmy was so in love with Martha that he barely took his responsibilities as a commander of the company. "On occasion he would yell at his men to spread out the column, to keep their eyes open, but then he would slip away into daydreams, just pretending, walking barefoot along the Jersey Shore with Martha, carrying nothing" (1254). O'Brien directly points out that Jimmy Cross could not concentrate on war and was not able to handle the circumstances. "After five minutes, Lieutenant Jimmy Cross moved to the tunnel, leaned down, and examined the darkness. Trouble, he thought - a cave-in maybe. And suddenly, without willing it, he was thinking about Martha" (1254). The platoon was on a mission and his men was in danger and just moments before one of his men died, he was daydreaming about the girl back home "...and now Ted Lavender was dead because he loved her so much and could not stop thinking about her" (1251). Jimmy Cross carried more than physical things with him, he carried such love and obsession for Martha that he was losing his soldiers but he was going to try and fix things. "On the morning after Ted Lavender died, First Lieutenant Jimmy Cross crouched at the bottom of his foxhole and burned Martha's letters. The be burned the two photographs" (1258). The guilt he feels for Ted's death could turn him into the soldier, he should have been all
along. Although burning the letters and pictures of Martha was a step in the right direction to becoming a better leader of his men it will not bring back the men already lost, "Lavender was dead. You couldn't burn the blame" (1259). Jimmy Cross felt shame and pain and finally found the reason why he must not think about Martha. Besides that, Jimmy Cross physically felt how important the responsibility he had in the company was. "Lieutenant Jimmy Cross reminded himself that his obligation was not to be loved but to lead" (1259). He also realized that if he does not take that responsibility seriously, he would lose more men. His only goal now in the war is to take care of his men since he feels that his men do not deserve to die but he cannot take their place. "He was now determined to perform his duties firmly and without negligence. It wouldn't help Lavender, he knew that, but from this point on he would comport himself as an officer" (1259). Lieutenant Jimmy Cross has made some mistakes and the price he paid was the life of a soldier but he is becoming a better leader. O'Brien shows us in this short story the different stages it took for Jimmy Cross to become a real soldier. Before Lavender died, he was a kid in the war who thought about Martha all the time. He was confused in self-consciousness between being commander of the company and the kid who fell in love with Martha. Then O'Brien creates the events of Lavender's death which caused Jimmy Cross's decision. Afterward, O'Brien shows variation that Jimmy Cross got from Lavender's death. Jimmy Cross eventually became a real commander of the company at the end of the story. But now O'Brien will carry much more than just physical things he will always carry the thought that he was the cause for a soldier's death and it will weigh heavy on his heart.