Lala

Hi valiamma! Got an essay on comparing two poems for coursework. Can you please help!??
I'm not happy with the part in red can you please edit it? I find it a little wordy.
This is how far i've gotten so far.
With close reference to the poems, discuss the treatment of the themes of disobedience and parenting in “Little boy crying” by Mervyn Morris and “The Toys” by Coventry Patmore. In the poems “Little boy crying” and “The Toys” by Mervyn Morris and Coventry Patmore, the themes of disobedience and parenting are closely linked and dominant throughout the text. Even though the same themes are brought up, the poets take a different approach to them by giving the parents and children emotions and actions which are poles apart. Due to this contrast and varying approaches, the reader gains two separate views on these two themes. In the two poems, the pace plays a significant role in portraying the two themes. Morris makes use of monosyllables and short sentences making the scolding sound choppy and chaotic. The phrase, “quick slap struck” indicates the disobedience of the child due to the severe and painful punishment he has been forced to endure. The monosyllables make the words sound short and detached, increasing the pace and showing the quickness of the hit. Moreover, the word “struck” implies the strong impact of the hit, used to punish the defiant child. In addition, the pace plays a part in conveying the feelings felt by the parent. The frequent use of commas and full stops make the poem very rigid and implies the firm, forced and hurtful restriction the parent is instilling on himself in order to teach the child a valuable lesson without giving in to the tears. In contrast, only four long and extended sentences are used by Patmore in “The Toys” which decrease the pace and a sense of sorrow is felt for the dead mother. The extensive sentences suggest the continuous thoughts of guilt and sorrow which are profusely flowing into the guilty parent’s mind. In the phrase, “To god, I wept, and said:” the parent sadly pours out his sorrows for being harsh to his son, begging for forgiveness from god who he takes as his father. The slow pace makes the overall mood much more calm and emotional compared to “Little Boy Crying” where a somewhat mild farce breaks out. Furthermore, the poets vary the personalities of the two children making the disobedience of one more overpowering than the other. In “Little Boy Crying”, a sly child is introduced, “plotting deeper pits to trap him”. This phrase suggests that the child isn’t naïve and is clearly hungry for revenge over his strict father who he sees as a “grim giant”. Moreover, he stands there, “angling for a moment’s hint of guilt or sorrow.” This suggests that the young child isn’t innocent as he knows "the hurt your easy tears can scald him with." This phrase shows that the child is well aware of the discomfort and burning sensation he is able to make his heartless father tolerate. Furthermore, his emotions seem to be that of resentment, anger, sadness and frustration. On the other hand, a more mature and thoughtful boy is portrayed by Patmore in “The Toys”. We are told that he “spoke in quiet grown-up wise”, confirming that he is of quite a mature age. The phrase “having my law the seventh time disobey’d” indicates that the child is not an angel as disobedience is revisited here by the poet. The idea that the rules stated by the father have several times been broken suggests that strict parenting should come into play. The use of “seventh time” makes the job of parenting appear tedious and never ending. However, a sense of sympathy is created where the poet writes, “with darken’d eyelids…from his late sobbing wet”. A contrast is created here from the disobedient young boy to an innocent one who miserably cries himself to sleep. Moreover, the almost worthless toys lying beside his bed make his father feel guilty as they perform the task which he should have done which was “to comfort his sad heart”. The readers get the idea that stricter parenting should be enforced on the child in “Little boy crying” as a mischievous young toddler is portrayed. In contrast, due to the humble behaviour seen in the more mature child in “The Toys” his disobedience is slowly forgotten as the poem gains a more emotional mood. In both poems “Little Boy Crying” and “The Toys”, there is a change of mood as they start with strict parenting and unforgivable disobedience but as the poem progresses, the emotions of the parents start to falter creating a more sensitive sensation. Effective language and techniques used by the poets allows these different views on the poems to be understood. In “Little Boy Crying”, Morris uses lots of sibilance and alliteration including, “recently relaxed”, “swimming tears splashing” and “slap struck”. The continued use of these techniques frequently creates emphasis on the distressed state the disobedient child is in and enhances the emotions of hate, anger and revenge.
In the 4th stanza the emotions change from hate to the sensitive and sentimental issues of parenting. This stanza brings out the fact that both father and son are suffering from ordeal punishment.
Parenting is referred to as being extremely tormenting as the poet conveys the hurt the parent feels for seeing the child crying but struggles to hold back his comforting in order to instill some discipline in the child.
Language generally used is not simple however, there is some contrast in the 2nd stanza where a reference is made to fairytales, including jack and the beanstalk. Here more immature language is used to relate to he child, “ogre”, “grim giant”, “colossal cruel”. Fantastical ideas are used to convey the thoughts running in the infant’s mind. This variation in language is used to imbue the idea that the child’s mind is complex but the emotions are immature.
Single line at the end aims to emphasise the stress on the lesson the child must learn. Also for the parent who musn’t give in, in order not to spoil the lesson on discilpline. Acts as a dual purpose to cover both the troubles felt in parenting and disobedience.