Men Can Be Fathers Too

Mrs.Price

Single or Not: Men Can Be Fathers Too
All around the world, there are thousands and thousands of children waiting to be adopted. Some wait for months, others for years, and some have aged out of foster homes and are forced to take the world by storm all on their own. The adoption process, as some have come to learn, is long and grueling; nonetheless, worth it. What is adopting? To be put quite simply, adopting is the act of legally taking another’s child under one’s care and raising the child as one’s own. It is a time consuming course, which involves crucial examination, a vast amount of questions, criminal background checks, and much more for anybody seeking to adopt. Some people may have a lucky adoption process and some may be less successful, hitting a few bumps along the way, or ultimately, not be allowed to take a child home.
Unfortunately, it is toughest for single men to become adoptive parents. Kev Sutton, an educator and academic instructor who outlines various job duties, exclaims that “Fair or not, if you’re a single man you will have a more difficult time adopting” (3). One big issue is whether-or-not single men should be allowed to adopt at all. The reason is widely controversial. Sadly, many people are opposed to allowing single men to adopt, for some understandable and some illogical reasons. These reasons go all the way back to old morals, previous crimes having dealt with single men, and for the simple fact that it is uncommon, which puzzles most who encounter this situation. Morals are concerned with the judgment of the goodness or badness of human action or character, so old morals could be defined as what was believed to be good or bad back then and still, at times, now. One of those old morals is the idea that an ideal family consists of two parents. The two parents are most commonly, and idealistically, a male and a female. “Couples have it the easiest, of course, because, by traditional standards, a family is made up of a mother and father,” (Tessier 6). If a single man had gone to an adoption agency, years ago, and applied to adopt a child, there was no way the agencies would’ve accepted him. He would’ve been denied the opportunity because back then then, it just wasn’t done. There are numbers of agencies that still believe and stand by those morals, and “will deny you outright” (Sutton 1). It has also been branded into the heads of many people that it is more likely for men to commit crimes (Allan, and Steffensmeier 1). With their already bad reputations, created by other males, it makes it extremely difficult for single men to attempt an adoption. Although women are, and have been, capable to commit crimes as well, men have more of a reputation and more stats for crimes. In fact, it is even much more common for single women to adopt rather than single men. “Single women-accounted for 30% of the adoptions from the foster care system in 2001. The number of single men is 2 %,” (9), stated Jeffery McDonald, a correspondent for the Christian Science Monitor. An online posting from Good Morning America concluded that “National Adoption Center says that one-third of its adoptions are by single parents” and to no surprise, most are women (5). Overall, it just comes down to the fact that it is uncommon and unknown to hear of a single man wanting to adopt. Again, this falls under the previous reputation that men have been given, and even though not all men are the same, it doesn’t change the reasons why people oppose adoptions of any child by a single man.
I, on the other hand, fully believe that even single men, who have met the legal requirements, should be allowed to adopt children. I especially believe that they should have little to no trouble whatsoever, as other couples may have it. I stand firmly with the courageous and loving men who want nothing more to have the honor and the chance in life to be a father.
Of course, there will be many out there who will disagree with me. There are a number of problems that rise out of this situation, and because of this single men are the ones to “face more scrutiny than other prospective parents” (qtd. in Koch 21). Single men are more likely to be looked on with suspicion when looking to adopt (Sutton 3). One of the major suspicions brought upon single men is based on their sexuality. The question of their sexuality is a problem if they are homosexual, a person who is sexually attracted to members of the same sex. Homosexuality then introduces a new load of problems, questions, and difficulties, as if it wasn’t already difficult enough. Questions like “How will being adopted by adults involved in homosexual behavior affect the behavior of the children themselves?” and “What are the risks children may encounter by having a homosexual parent(s)?” begin to be asked. Even single men are so aware of this fact that they too question what people might think of them raising a child all on their own. “If I did adopt a boy, would people think I, a single man raising a boy, was a pedophile?” (Tessier 3). People and certain adoption agencies seem to worry about this matter more. Wendy Koch mentioned in her research on single men that “the trend of single men adopting children worries conservatives, especially if the parent is gay” (16) because kids are, supposedly, much more in stake to face molestation, and rape. Voddie Bauchman, a pastor and author for biblical ethics, expresses his reason to interrogate single men, for the fact that they may be homosexual, when he says “Children [of homosexual males] were more frequently exposed to parental molestation” (10). So, not only the fact that they are single man wanting to adopt, which gives certain adoption agencies “reasons” to interrogate, but also the fact that there is a possibility the man could be homosexual introduces a newer hardship.
Whether the man is or isn’t a homosexual doesn’t change the fact that they will have trouble in that area of questions. Molestation is much more common with single men because the majority of sex offenders are men. “Men are suspects because of the sex abuse scandals. They wonder why a man would ever want to adopt,” (McDonald 7).Therefore, adoption agencies fear that allowing a single man to care for a younger child will only increase crimes of molestation, and child abuse. Another argument against single men adopting is the opinion that the absence of a mother will potentially harm the child. Glen Staton, senior analyst for marriage and sexuality at Focus on the Family, feels “a child who grows up without a mother is lacking something” (Koch 18). As far as they believe, “children need role models of both sexes” (qtd. in Campbell 5) because both mothers and fathers are of importance (Bauchman 1). People feel as though children should be raised under the care of two parents, rather than a single parent, even less a single man. These obstacles do tend to get in the way and become too much for some innocent single men, so many convert into international adoption. The difficulty is finding an agency that is willing to work with when you are a single man. So when all chances fail, most single men turn towards adopting a child internationally. Many singles do decide to adopt internationally “because an abundance of countries offer adoptions at any given time, [therefore they] have an abundance of opportunities to adopt” (Sutton 4). However, even by adopting internationally, men do not avoid the scrutiny or avoid the endless suspicion. For example, if a single man was looking to adopt a little girl from China, he must be 40 years older than the child in order to make sure that his relationship and feelings with her stay parental (Sutton 3). It is true when Tessier stated that politics of adoption made life even more so challenging (5). Although times are changing, “there are currently initiatives underway in a few states that would prohibit single-parent adoptions, based on the assumption that single parents- especially men- can’t raise a child” as well as couples may (Tessier 5). However, it is true that with everything going on in the world, it’s becoming tougher for men to adopt (McDonald 7), but that doesn’t mean that the entire populations of males are sexual deviates. Contrary to popular belief, I believe that all single men have every right to be adoptive fathers. As long as they can demonstrate proper and needed responsibility as parents, the way other people are expected to demonstrate, I hardly see a reason to strip a single man of his rights to raise a child. If a man is capable of raising a child why restrict him of the wonderful privilege? As Jeffery McDonald stated, “Through copious paperwork and home interviews, a candidate must convince each gatekeeper that he has the maturity, financial stability, and support network necessary for the task,” (10), and that should be the only major hurdle single men should have to overcome. Another big point, also contrary to popular belief, is the opinion that women are better parents than men. Maybe this rule came about in our country for our society believed in the notion of men-meant to work, and women-meant to do the household chores and raise children. However, with the society undergoing a drastic change this argument loses ground. Although they are the morally by nature “better parents”, that cannot be a proven statement. In fact, Brian Tessier, founder and CEO (Chief Executive Officer) of We Hear The Children Inc., adds that, “ mothering is not an exclusively female skill,”(8), which many men, such as Mr.Tessier, have proven true. It is illegal to discriminate by gender, and is unlawful towards Human Rights. There are too many kids in care, an estimated number of 408,425 in foster care since 2010 (Child Welfare Info Gateway 2012), to discriminate by gender. The single men choosing to adopt grew up in a generation believing in gender equality, so it should be of no surprise that more single men are choosing to do so (Navarro 26). It is most foolish to discriminate that way. Why is it when a single women goes to adopt a baby, it's normal and no one looks or pays attention, but when a single man wants to adopt a baby for the same exact reasons, bells and whistles go off and every eye in on the this poor guy. We as a society have got to drop sexist stereotypes both for the children and the potential dads.
Howbeit, simply seeing a single man adopt is very uncommon. “Single men account for just 3% of all adoptions from foster care,” states Wendy Koch according to a USA TODAY analysis of government statistics, “but their share has risen, “(5). The truth is that it is uncommon to see a single man adopt because not many of them are given a chance. Although it is allowed in most states throughout the United States, adoption agencies still refuse to let it happen. It is a shame because so many men would be wonderful single fathers; they just never get the opportunity to. In addition, it is dramatically beautiful to see a single man wanting and willing to be a father and adopt because it is so uncommon. I agree with David Klow, a psychotherapist in charge of a men’s group at the Family Institute at Northwestern University, when he say “ There’s a new sense of masculinity that incorporates being a single father” (Navarro 27). As for the worry of not having a woman in the child’s life when growing up with a single man, there will always be “a lot of mom figures” (qtd. in Koch 27) to fill in that gap, as there were in the situation of a single father interviewed by Koch, Wilson. If the man is credible and capable of nurturing and raising a child on his own, then I do not see any reason why he should not be allowed to raise a child, and I added the word credible because adoption should not be done for any reason other than genuinely nurturing and raising a child, so now how does the law decide whether a man is credible or not? On the contrary, there are many bright sides to single men adopting. For one, single fathers tend to be a stabilizing factor in a child’s life where he had previously been neglected or abused by his/her biological parents, according to many agency professionals (“Good Morning America” 12). Brian Tessier, a single father to now two adopted boys, experienced this and exclaimed that “when you have a child who came from such an incredibly tough start to life, you watch him unfold, you witness what love, discipline, and structure can do for a child” (15). Another advantage of single adoptive dads is that many adopt older boys,” a group that is historically difficult to place” (“Good Morning America” 12). Regardless to the obstacles, the adoption rates among single men have not faltered, and have only increased (McDonald 8). As Jeffrey McDonald concluded, “In 1998, 645 single men adopted children in the foster care system; that number grew to 1,110 in 2001” and is more than likely larger considering that 65,000 private adoptions are taken place each year in the U.S (8), and exact information is not released on those adoptions. Nevertheless, the truth of this matter is not solely on single males, but also on the children. These parentless children are numbers on a spread sheet. They need homes. By the time they are eighteen years of age they are faced to challenge this unsympathetic world of ours without the help of the strongest support system out there, a family. These children most definitely need someone capable and financially stable to be there, whether it be a single man, homosexual man, single parent, whoever. As Wing-Kovarik , a father of two boys and the starter of non-profit organization that fights for adoption rights, said “It doesn't matter if you're gay, straight, pink, purple, orange, polka-dotted, from Mars, from the moon or any other place… If you think you can make a difference with these kids, you should be stepping forward to do this” (Berger 15). A single parent, even a single father, raising a child most definitely beats having the child live in a single bed dormitory, or living in the streets. The problem with single males adopting should be non-existent, and that can be solved in various ways. First, if adoption agencies and society would only realize that “the only men who are going to adopt are the men who have a true passion for being a father,” (Tessier 7), which could solve a majority of the situation. Second, to ease the minds of the extensively suspicious interrogators, agencies should forbid any man with a criminal history for a crime pertaining to children or scandalous crimes in general, to adopt. However, their tests and examinations should be practiced on all males and females, or any couples of that matter. Hopefully, the only questions about the integrity of the potential parents are those of their background checks, financial standards, and psychiatric evaluations. Thirdly, have people realize that we live in a country where men and women are treated equally, and can do just as much, or more, than the other. If he is capable to provide love, affection, guidance, and wisdom to a young child- even a single male should not be deprived the opportunity to adopt. In the end, a single parent is better than no parent at all.