Moving On Without Closure Essay

The need for closure a state that comes naturally to everyone. From the questions of why did it end? To what could I have done differently to change it? We all experience it some more than others. I find that it is particularly apparent in American society due to the personal self being priority in our culture. It is not something that should always be indulged however as the truth often times will leave you just as lost as or worse than before. The articles both state that it is not the healthiest option to always move through and find the ending instead sometimes you need to move on without closure. The following is my personal beliefs and experiences on how to move on without closure. From realizing the underlying sources that effect you to find the ability to accept and move on from traumatic events.
The realization of the different sources effecting you allows you to understand why you are acting the way you are. Always being told how to act sad when a family member dies even though you have had either little or no personal contact with the person. We have all been in a scenario like this you are told to feel and act in some way but don’t understand why
such as when I lost my dad at the age of twelve. I felt somewhat sad but was unsure why as I can count the times I had seen him. Later I realized it was the same as when my adoption mom’s previous husband had passed away. It was due to being told to act that way and just following it. Once I realized this it helped me handle situations better as I realized the outside influences in play. By realizing that there are outside factors you can better control yourself or as Jennifer Harman put it “Being OK with not having all the answers can then lead to being okay with not knowing “why””.
Accepting the decisions that you made and that past events are in the past makes it easier to move past not having closure. My dog died of what we believe was cancer and we could have put her down or they could do the surgery. I chose instead to take the medicine that we could pay for hoping she would get better. She was not herself during the three weeks she was alive, all I had done was prolonged her suffering. After she had passed, I thought about what I could have done differently and what she may have had. I will never know if it was cancer and I should have put her down instead of letting her suffer. This lead to a want of closure or as Jerome Kagan said “We want to eliminate the distress of the unknown.” Due to the unknown. Though I realize that I have come to terms by understanding that I did what I thought was best and though I will never have closure I can say that I made a choice. This realization allowed me to move past the events of her death. By accepting what you did and that you did something will allow you to move past an event even with no closure.
Taking up a hobby or becoming transfixed with other issues will help with moving past traumatic issues. When my foster dad Tom died from cancer, my foster mom, Mary became more interested in fixing up the house. She used to fix up the house as an excuse to not think about the loss of her husband. Though she never did fully get over the loss of her husband till we moved. Partially due to the attachment of her husband having lived there similar to how Jennifer Harman was unable to listen to Coldplay music because “it was always too painful to listen to any of the band’s songs without feeling the loss of the relationship.” She could never move past needing closure due to the closeness of the house until we lost the house. However, her better days always happened when she set herself to a project in fixing something up. Once we moved from losing the house, she recovered pretty fast having had a lot of time to work past Tom’s death. By giving yourself a task to take your mind off the issue you give yourself time to heal. Doing this allows you to move past the issue in your own time will keep your mental sanity degrading from grief.
Speaking to someone to just speak about the issue that has been welling up in you. We all have that issue gnawing at the back of our mind till it boils over. For example, after I lost Sock I cried multiple times thinking it was my fault. Then I spoke to my sister Julie about it and she let me vent. I got all the things I felt I had done wrong and all the stories that came to my mind. I felt a lot better having someone who just listened and didn’t try to help. It doesn’t help you come to a conclusion, but just letting out what you have bottled inside before it can’t be contained lets out a lot of stress. Your mental health is one of the fastest ways to get sunk into an issue until you can’t get out you can helping to release all of the issues that were stewing you allow yourself to be healthy and slowly move on from traumatic events.
Taking the time you need for yourself, either through vacation or me time.
I have Asperger’s and sensory overload which is common among autism. Sensory overload can manifest itself in different ways, but the most common is enhanced hearing to the point of pain being extra sensitive to anything touching you and increased sinus pressure. When I was a child, I would often get these and was unsure of how to cope leaving me in immense pain often. Eventually as I grew older I realized that by moving myself away from stimuli such as people or loud noises, I could often times stop it from happening when it would begin. By doing this I was able to become more social instead of fearing being in public. Putting time away for yourself even if it is brief allows you to deal with painful issues and keep your sanity in
check.