My Decisions Before Raising A Virtual Child
It is unbelievable how time flies before our eyes when it comes to raising our babies. One moment I was joyful to find out I was expecting a beautiful baby girl, Jazlyn Nicole, to the next moment where I was heartbroken to know that my time with my baby was over since she was off to college. As parents, we play a huge role in their lives since we are the ones that mold our children into the adults they become since we see all the potential they have and encourage them through life. Throughout the raising of my child I was able to learn a lot. Reflecting back on my virtual child, of course there are decisions I would’ve like to have made differently, but like in real life once a decision is made all you can do is move on and make better decisions
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next time. I was able to see how my actions, decisions, and my own personal up bringing directly affected my child and her upbringing. I was able to reflect on myself along the way, I saw that parenthood is not an easy or perfect thing but the truth of the matter is that it’s an amazing thing.
After analyzing Baumrind's labels I fell into the authoritative parenting style category. Authoritative parents are “those who are firm, setting clear and consistent limits, but who try to reason with their children, giving explanations for why they should behave in a particular way” (Feldman, 2014, p. 252). I say this because I was never an oppressive parent. I avoided controlling and demanding my child to do things. I was always there for my child every step of the way by being warm, comprehensive, and supportive. When I had to discipline my child I made sure it was in a loving way so that way I wouldn’t push my child away. When I think of an authoritarian parent I visualize a dictator instead of a parent because they are “controlling, punitive, rigid, and cold” (Feldman, 2014, p. 252). When parents are too strict this inflicts fear in the child, which is not what I wanted from my child. Kids raised under these conditions are scared to disappoint their parents. They may feel like what they do is never good enough to live up to their parents high standards. I also didn’t want to be a permissive parent because those are parents who “provide lax and inconsistent feedback and require little of their children” (Feldman, 2014, p. 252). This is not the parenting style I wanted to enforce on my child because I still wanted to be her parent and not just her friend.
Due to my personal upbringing I wanted to be the “cool” parent. I did realize I made a decision I made when my child was a teen that I was really proud of. When my child turned fourteen she realized boys no longer had the cooties, and at age sixteen she began dating a boy from school. The boy was good student and had nice grades. I realized she was infatuated with this guy and claiming she was in love (Manis, 2006). They are quite openly affectionate, and are together all of the time. I liked her boyfriend, but I worried that they might be engaging in sexual activity before they were mature enough to handle it (Manis, 2006). The way I handled this situation was by talking to Jazlyn about sex, and expressing my opinion that waiting was the best thing but I suggested we take a trip to the medical center for some birth control pills and condoms. I this because even though I knew that she trusted me there are things maybe she’s not comfortable speaking about immediately but I didn’t want her to not be safe if she had already started to have intercourse. Since I was a teen parent I didn’t want my daughter to go through all the struggles I went through so I was there for her. I feel like I could’ve have been a bit stricter and told her she was not allowed to date at such a young age. An age when we don’t know how to tell love from lust, hormones are sky rocketing, and we wear our emotions on our sleeve. Her relationship with the boy continued, she escaped and ran off with her boyfriend one day to get matching tattoos (Manis, 2006). This was a moment that made me question if I was doing something wrong as a parent. After all the trust and all the friendship I had offered her I was upset with her decision in running away and getting a tattoo. But I did let things go because after all she is my daughter and I talked to her and told her what I expected.
I was constant with my parenting style and never changed much throughout her childhood.
Around the age of fourteen I gave her a little more space so that she wouldn’t say I was stricter than the other parents. The more and more permissive I got the quicker she would try to abuse of the trust I was giving her. I could see the consequences like for example she got drunk at a party once, and the situation of her little tattoo at sixteen. However, when she did get drunk at a party I was proud of her when she called me to go pick her up (Manis, 2006). She trusted me and felt comfortable enough to come to me when she knew she had made a terrible mistake. She was responsible enough to not make a stupid decision and get behind the wheel. This made me realize I was doing something right because she was able to make this life …show more content…
saving.
After raising my virtual child to 18 years old I was able to compare myself and my virtual child. I was able to see that children may still act out even when you are trying your best. In all of my teenage years hadn’t done nothing as bad as Jazlyn. My child stole things, got suspended from school, and got home late at night on a few occasions (Manis, 2006). I belive I never did those things because I was a middle child and I had the example of my older brother and when he did do bad things I was able to see the consequences he received. I also never wanted to disappoint my mother because I know how hard she worked on raising us and expecting the best from me. As a kid I was never involved in any after school or extracurricular activities. My virtual child was very social and was always involved in some activity. She would have friends over all the time to play and sleepovers. I also put her in scouting because she loved the outdoors (Manis, 2006). I tried to give her the opportunities I never knew were open to me when I was little for example she learned how to play two instruments and was is multiple art clubs. I wanted her to always be involved.
Out of the five pathways, the last one, I noticed fully develop in my child was the moral pathway. When a child fully achieves this stage they can finally see and decide what is right from wrong (Feldman, 2014, pp. 322). This means they can make responsible decisions and know that their actions have consequences. I agree with the Lawrence Kohlberg theory of stages that a child has to go through the stages in order to reach the moral pathway. He mentioned that a child will not reach the moral pathway until the teenage years because levels of cognitive development have to be achieved meaning that a child’s reasoning has to mature (Feldman, 2014, p. 322-323). I believe my parenting and teachings directly affected her moral development the most. From early stages of life I was teaching her what was right from wrong. As a parent we want to do as much as possible for our kids to have correct morals, and values so we are continuously guiding them on the righteous path. This path continues to develop once our kids use everything we have taught them and continue the path and continue learning from mistakes and bettering themselves.
I noticed that my child was always very attached to me this was my doing because I was always very involved in her activities when she was little. With the arrival of my second child she was still very close to me. This leads me to talk about the social pathway. I believe she relied heavily on me because with all the drastic changes that happened with the new baby. She found comfort in me and felt safe because of the security I provided for her .This made me think of Harry Harlow’s experiment with the monkeys. The monkeys were attracted to the comfort the cloth monkey provided them (Feldman, 2014, p. 182). My child was more attached to me than her father because I was the one that was always there for her throughout her whole life since infancy. But as seen in the experiment even the little monkeys would go to where they felt security and the most comfort (Feldman, 2014, p. 182).
My child also went through the emotional and cognitive development.
As an infant my child did have separation anxiety (Feldman, 2014, p. 176). She wasn’t her normal self when she was away from me and would often cry. This didn’t last long and as she got older she became more and more independent. Cognitive development is the ability to record information or memory (Feldman, 2014, p. 154). As the cognitive develops and matures infants start retaining more information. Jean Piaget had a theory for the maturing of cognitive development. This psychologist believed that cognitive development involved 4 stages and until these stages were all reached a child could not reach a maximum cognitive potential (Feldman, 2014, p.
144).
Reflecting back on me as a parent I am proud of how I raised my child. I realized that no child is perfect and they need someone to always be there for them which is where the parent role plays. Children are a parent’s responsibility and it is their job to be there for them through good and bad. It is up to the parents to teach the child lots of things about life. My child did get into college and was ready to move into her dorm and begin life! I do personally believe that the authoritarian parenting style is the most effective. I am really happy with the outcome of my child Jazlyn Nicole Sharp.
next time. I was able to see how my actions, decisions, and my own personal up bringing directly affected my child and her upbringing. I was able to reflect on myself along the way, I saw that parenthood is not an easy or perfect thing but the truth of the matter is that it’s an amazing thing.
After analyzing Baumrind's labels I fell into the authoritative parenting style category. Authoritative parents are “those who are firm, setting clear and consistent limits, but who try to reason with their children, giving explanations for why they should behave in a particular way” (Feldman, 2014, p. 252). I say this because I was never an oppressive parent. I avoided controlling and demanding my child to do things. I was always there for my child every step of the way by being warm, comprehensive, and supportive. When I had to discipline my child I made sure it was in a loving way so that way I wouldn’t push my child away. When I think of an authoritarian parent I visualize a dictator instead of a parent because they are “controlling, punitive, rigid, and cold” (Feldman, 2014, p. 252). When parents are too strict this inflicts fear in the child, which is not what I wanted from my child. Kids raised under these conditions are scared to disappoint their parents. They may feel like what they do is never good enough to live up to their parents high standards. I also didn’t want to be a permissive parent because those are parents who “provide lax and inconsistent feedback and require little of their children” (Feldman, 2014, p. 252). This is not the parenting style I wanted to enforce on my child because I still wanted to be her parent and not just her friend.
Due to my personal upbringing I wanted to be the “cool” parent. I did realize I made a decision I made when my child was a teen that I was really proud of. When my child turned fourteen she realized boys no longer had the cooties, and at age sixteen she began dating a boy from school. The boy was good student and had nice grades. I realized she was infatuated with this guy and claiming she was in love (Manis, 2006). They are quite openly affectionate, and are together all of the time. I liked her boyfriend, but I worried that they might be engaging in sexual activity before they were mature enough to handle it (Manis, 2006). The way I handled this situation was by talking to Jazlyn about sex, and expressing my opinion that waiting was the best thing but I suggested we take a trip to the medical center for some birth control pills and condoms. I this because even though I knew that she trusted me there are things maybe she’s not comfortable speaking about immediately but I didn’t want her to not be safe if she had already started to have intercourse. Since I was a teen parent I didn’t want my daughter to go through all the struggles I went through so I was there for her. I feel like I could’ve have been a bit stricter and told her she was not allowed to date at such a young age. An age when we don’t know how to tell love from lust, hormones are sky rocketing, and we wear our emotions on our sleeve. Her relationship with the boy continued, she escaped and ran off with her boyfriend one day to get matching tattoos (Manis, 2006). This was a moment that made me question if I was doing something wrong as a parent. After all the trust and all the friendship I had offered her I was upset with her decision in running away and getting a tattoo. But I did let things go because after all she is my daughter and I talked to her and told her what I expected.
I was constant with my parenting style and never changed much throughout her childhood.
Around the age of fourteen I gave her a little more space so that she wouldn’t say I was stricter than the other parents. The more and more permissive I got the quicker she would try to abuse of the trust I was giving her. I could see the consequences like for example she got drunk at a party once, and the situation of her little tattoo at sixteen. However, when she did get drunk at a party I was proud of her when she called me to go pick her up (Manis, 2006). She trusted me and felt comfortable enough to come to me when she knew she had made a terrible mistake. She was responsible enough to not make a stupid decision and get behind the wheel. This made me realize I was doing something right because she was able to make this life …show more content…
saving.
After raising my virtual child to 18 years old I was able to compare myself and my virtual child. I was able to see that children may still act out even when you are trying your best. In all of my teenage years hadn’t done nothing as bad as Jazlyn. My child stole things, got suspended from school, and got home late at night on a few occasions (Manis, 2006). I belive I never did those things because I was a middle child and I had the example of my older brother and when he did do bad things I was able to see the consequences he received. I also never wanted to disappoint my mother because I know how hard she worked on raising us and expecting the best from me. As a kid I was never involved in any after school or extracurricular activities. My virtual child was very social and was always involved in some activity. She would have friends over all the time to play and sleepovers. I also put her in scouting because she loved the outdoors (Manis, 2006). I tried to give her the opportunities I never knew were open to me when I was little for example she learned how to play two instruments and was is multiple art clubs. I wanted her to always be involved.
Out of the five pathways, the last one, I noticed fully develop in my child was the moral pathway. When a child fully achieves this stage they can finally see and decide what is right from wrong (Feldman, 2014, pp. 322). This means they can make responsible decisions and know that their actions have consequences. I agree with the Lawrence Kohlberg theory of stages that a child has to go through the stages in order to reach the moral pathway. He mentioned that a child will not reach the moral pathway until the teenage years because levels of cognitive development have to be achieved meaning that a child’s reasoning has to mature (Feldman, 2014, p. 322-323). I believe my parenting and teachings directly affected her moral development the most. From early stages of life I was teaching her what was right from wrong. As a parent we want to do as much as possible for our kids to have correct morals, and values so we are continuously guiding them on the righteous path. This path continues to develop once our kids use everything we have taught them and continue the path and continue learning from mistakes and bettering themselves.
I noticed that my child was always very attached to me this was my doing because I was always very involved in her activities when she was little. With the arrival of my second child she was still very close to me. This leads me to talk about the social pathway. I believe she relied heavily on me because with all the drastic changes that happened with the new baby. She found comfort in me and felt safe because of the security I provided for her .This made me think of Harry Harlow’s experiment with the monkeys. The monkeys were attracted to the comfort the cloth monkey provided them (Feldman, 2014, p. 182). My child was more attached to me than her father because I was the one that was always there for her throughout her whole life since infancy. But as seen in the experiment even the little monkeys would go to where they felt security and the most comfort (Feldman, 2014, p. 182).
My child also went through the emotional and cognitive development.
As an infant my child did have separation anxiety (Feldman, 2014, p. 176). She wasn’t her normal self when she was away from me and would often cry. This didn’t last long and as she got older she became more and more independent. Cognitive development is the ability to record information or memory (Feldman, 2014, p. 154). As the cognitive develops and matures infants start retaining more information. Jean Piaget had a theory for the maturing of cognitive development. This psychologist believed that cognitive development involved 4 stages and until these stages were all reached a child could not reach a maximum cognitive potential (Feldman, 2014, p.
144).
Reflecting back on me as a parent I am proud of how I raised my child. I realized that no child is perfect and they need someone to always be there for them which is where the parent role plays. Children are a parent’s responsibility and it is their job to be there for them through good and bad. It is up to the parents to teach the child lots of things about life. My child did get into college and was ready to move into her dorm and begin life! I do personally believe that the authoritarian parenting style is the most effective. I am really happy with the outcome of my child Jazlyn Nicole Sharp.