Overprotecting Disabled Children
Overprotecting Another aspect to parenting disabled children is balancing protection and overprotection. Many times parents are afraid their disable child is unfit to make certain decisions, could harm themselves, or feel they are not ready to face certain things. Although protecting children is a God-given instinct, overprotecting them out of fear damages their potential to grow (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006). In many cases, mothers of autistic children feel an increased need to protect their children from even the smallest of things they believe are damaging (Dudziak, 1982). Although many autistic children function at a diminished capacity, they still need similar life experiences as non-disabled children in order to learn to function independently (Dudziak, 1982). One of the ways parents attempt to overprotect their children is by lying about what life is actually like,
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fabricating a story to sound much more pleasant in order to save the child from experiencing pain (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006). Because children with disabilities are faced with a harsh reality every day, parents of these children are even more inclined to lie in order to protect their children (Ankonina & Margalit, 1991). One of the greatest lies, even the parents believe, is that the child is not suffering from a disability and will eventually grow out of it (Ankonina & Margalit, 1991). This can be incredibly destructive to the child as they grow up and realize they have a permanent disability. For instance, dyslexia can be a permanent disability for individuals and when children are experiencing it they should not be told they will grow out of it (Shaywitz, 2003). If children believe this lie and ultimately find out they will not grow out of their disability, their parents lose credibility with them (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006). Another downfall overprotective parents have is rescuing their children from all of their situations (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006). Parents should help protect their children from harmful situations but it becomes overprotection when the parent is saving the child from things they should be doing themselves (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006). For instance, if a child with a learning disability cannot finish their homework, the parent should not complete the homework for them (Berman, 1979). Instead, the parent should take the time to help teach the child the information and allow them to finish their homework on their own, promoting self-sufficiency (Berman, 1979). Moreover, it is extremely important for children with learning disabilities to do their homework, reading, and writing themselves in order to help them develop ways to cope with the disorder and ultimately be successful (Berman, 1979). Accompanying the need to always rescue the children, is the overprotective parents desire to take responsibility for things the child should (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006).
This comes into play when the parent does not require the child to participate in cleaning, cooking, taking care of the lawn, and so on (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006). For parents with disabled children, many of them feel like it is easier to do the work than to take the extra time and do it with the child (Ankonina & Margalit, 1991). Although it may be easier, parents are doing their disabled children an injustice by not training them to take responsibility (Ankonina & Margalit, 1991). Contrary to what the parent may think, children are capable of maintaining a clean play room, helping pack lunches or make dinner, as well as washing dishes or taking out the garbage (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006). Disabled children may have a slightly more difficult time completing the task or remembering to do it, but they still have the ability to help with things around the house provided the parents help them accomplish it (Ankonina & Margalit,
1991). Overprotective parents also often have a desire to fight their children’s battles for them (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006). The battles are not always physical confrontations with a school bully or verbal disputes at school (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006). For disabled children a battle could be learning to read and their parent tries to fight for them by reading the book aloud to them instead of encouraging them to learn it themselves (Shaywitz, 2003). Another battle would be not allowing your slightly autistic child to play with other children from fear of them being teased (Dudziak, 1982). Parents may have good intentions to protect their child, but in certain situations it is actually healthier for the child to gain the experience and learn from it (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006). Overly sheltering your child is only teaching them to “avoid difficult situations rather than to deal effectively with conflict” (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006, p. 22). Finally, overprotective parents do not push their children enough (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006). These parents will typically allow their child to quit whatever task they are doing at the first sign of failure (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006). When parenting a disable child, it is even more important to push them to finish a task because it promotes self-esteem (Ankonina & Margalit, 1991). Parents should attempt to push their child to complete a task, while still being sensitive to the limitation the child might have (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006). If a dyslexic child is trying to learn how to read, it is incredibly important for the parent to push them to finish, even if they don’t always get the words right (Shaywitz, 2003). This trains the child to be strong and pursue their goal even if they fail a few times before reaching it, it teaches them to never quit (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006). The reward of finishing a task, like reading, is a positive reinforcement and will encourage the child to follow things through to the end in future challenges (Shaywitz, 2003).
fabricating a story to sound much more pleasant in order to save the child from experiencing pain (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006). Because children with disabilities are faced with a harsh reality every day, parents of these children are even more inclined to lie in order to protect their children (Ankonina & Margalit, 1991). One of the greatest lies, even the parents believe, is that the child is not suffering from a disability and will eventually grow out of it (Ankonina & Margalit, 1991). This can be incredibly destructive to the child as they grow up and realize they have a permanent disability. For instance, dyslexia can be a permanent disability for individuals and when children are experiencing it they should not be told they will grow out of it (Shaywitz, 2003). If children believe this lie and ultimately find out they will not grow out of their disability, their parents lose credibility with them (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006). Another downfall overprotective parents have is rescuing their children from all of their situations (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006). Parents should help protect their children from harmful situations but it becomes overprotection when the parent is saving the child from things they should be doing themselves (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006). For instance, if a child with a learning disability cannot finish their homework, the parent should not complete the homework for them (Berman, 1979). Instead, the parent should take the time to help teach the child the information and allow them to finish their homework on their own, promoting self-sufficiency (Berman, 1979). Moreover, it is extremely important for children with learning disabilities to do their homework, reading, and writing themselves in order to help them develop ways to cope with the disorder and ultimately be successful (Berman, 1979). Accompanying the need to always rescue the children, is the overprotective parents desire to take responsibility for things the child should (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006).
This comes into play when the parent does not require the child to participate in cleaning, cooking, taking care of the lawn, and so on (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006). For parents with disabled children, many of them feel like it is easier to do the work than to take the extra time and do it with the child (Ankonina & Margalit, 1991). Although it may be easier, parents are doing their disabled children an injustice by not training them to take responsibility (Ankonina & Margalit, 1991). Contrary to what the parent may think, children are capable of maintaining a clean play room, helping pack lunches or make dinner, as well as washing dishes or taking out the garbage (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006). Disabled children may have a slightly more difficult time completing the task or remembering to do it, but they still have the ability to help with things around the house provided the parents help them accomplish it (Ankonina & Margalit,
1991). Overprotective parents also often have a desire to fight their children’s battles for them (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006). The battles are not always physical confrontations with a school bully or verbal disputes at school (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006). For disabled children a battle could be learning to read and their parent tries to fight for them by reading the book aloud to them instead of encouraging them to learn it themselves (Shaywitz, 2003). Another battle would be not allowing your slightly autistic child to play with other children from fear of them being teased (Dudziak, 1982). Parents may have good intentions to protect their child, but in certain situations it is actually healthier for the child to gain the experience and learn from it (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006). Overly sheltering your child is only teaching them to “avoid difficult situations rather than to deal effectively with conflict” (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006, p. 22). Finally, overprotective parents do not push their children enough (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006). These parents will typically allow their child to quit whatever task they are doing at the first sign of failure (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006). When parenting a disable child, it is even more important to push them to finish a task because it promotes self-esteem (Ankonina & Margalit, 1991). Parents should attempt to push their child to complete a task, while still being sensitive to the limitation the child might have (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006). If a dyslexic child is trying to learn how to read, it is incredibly important for the parent to push them to finish, even if they don’t always get the words right (Shaywitz, 2003). This trains the child to be strong and pursue their goal even if they fail a few times before reaching it, it teaches them to never quit (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006). The reward of finishing a task, like reading, is a positive reinforcement and will encourage the child to follow things through to the end in future challenges (Shaywitz, 2003).