Peer Review: Our Side Of The Fence
Cause/Effect Essay Peer Review
Directions: Please use Microsoft Word or a compatible word processing program to computerize responses to these questions. Attached to this form is an outstanding computerized peer review written in my English 1301 course in Fall 2013. This student wrote in essay form. This peer review, unlike yours, is about an essay analyzing a short story. Still, this peer review gives you an idea of how to conduct one. Essay form is fine as long as all of my questions are addressed. Yet even if you merely use the form and answer the questions, you have just as much of a chance at a score of “30/30” as someone who writes an essay. Your Name__Abby Ybarra_____________ Writer’s Name_____Student 13__________________ …show more content…
Title of Writer’s Essay____________The Passions in Our Lives____________________
Deadline:
Directions: The purpose of this assignment is to read the essay of a fellow student who also completed the cause/effect essay assignment and offer praise and suggestions for improved writing. Please read the cause/effect essay of an anonymously assigned student and then answer the following questions about the essay.
Grading: Your peer review will not be graded NEARLY as stringently as the essays. I am concerned that you take the time to offer helpful advice, and not just say “Good.” As long as your answers are thorough and well justified, you should expect a high score on this assignment.
Has the writer written a thesis? Check __x___yes_____no
Does the thesis have three keywords? Check ___x__yes_____no
Is the thesis written with parallel sentence structure? Check___x__yes_____no
If you checked “yes,” please write the thesis below. For this peer review, you are not required to rewrite the thesis. All you are required to do is write the thesis word for word as the writer has written it. If you are completing the peer review online, you may cut and paste. A penalty will be applied if I locate a thesis and you have failed to write it down.
As for me, I am passionate about food, my future career, and the military.
Do you agree with the writer’s ordering of the three keywords? If not, how would you rearrange the keywords for better effect? For this response, you do not need to write a complete sentence—just place the keywords in a different order.
My future career, military, food
What is the first keyword?______________food_____________________
Check if the word is ________________Abstract____________X_____Concrete
Is the abstract word further defined or explained_____________yes___________X_______no___________N/A
What is the second keyword?__________my future career_______________________________
Check if the word is ________________________X_____________Abstract____________________________Concrete
Is the abstract word further defined or explained_____________yes_____X____no___________N/A
What is the third keyword?________military________________________________________________
Check if the word is _______________________________________Abstract____________X_____________Concrete
Is the abstract word further defined or explained_____X_yes___________________________no___________N/A
Having read this essay, what questions do you feel this writer should address in further detail?
-I feel that it should have went in further in detail because it would give the read more insight on these passions. Of course they are his passions but explain more detail about each three would have made it a whole lot better.
How effectively do you feel the writer’s concluding paragraph assesses the importance of examining the definition under consideration?
-These passions should have been more explained thoroughly. (eg. Food is one of my passions. Define food) it gives what food does but need more define term of it.
Of the five paragraphs, which do you enjoy reading the most, and why? Give an example of how the paragraph or a portion of the paragraph succeeds. Please respond in anywhere from two to five sentences.
Starting from sentence (21) all the way to (28) is very well written. It gives a firm understanding on what the military does. How is applies to it being a strong passion of theirs.
Of the five paragraphs, which do you feel needs the most improvement? Give an example of how the paragraph or a portion of the paragraph could have been improved. Please respond in anywhere from two to five sentences.
The conclusion paragraph needs another sentence to help the reader grasp the essay .it gives the thesis statement again but that’s about it. Really needs a meaningful closing to pull the whole thing together.
(eg. My passions about my future career, military, and food make me stay humble and gives me satisfaction for my overall life. I will continue to love these passions of mine to guide me through my journey of life.
Points Earned__________20__________ Maximum Points Possible: 30
Reader 010
Dr. S.E. Phillips
English 1302.123
28 September 2013 Peer Review on Writer 004 From Reader 010
1.) The beginning paragraph makes me feel curious about the writer of the essay about Gyanranjan’s “Our Side of the Fence and Theirs”.
It was satisfactory and pulled me in from the first sentence, which says, “A rather intriguing story “Our Side of the Fence” is, it follows the narrators thoughts concerning his new neighbors that have just moved into his family next door”.
2.) Thesis: “Three things I liked about this wondrous short story, was the friendliness and honor the narrators family appears to possess, the concise thought process behind the narrator, and the simplicity yet effectiveness bond the narrator’s family embodies”
3.) The concluding paragraph was awful it may have had a thesis statement but the ending could have been better. This writer fell short with the last sentence “I hope to be able to read more short stories similar to this, ones that I can really get into and feel as though I am the narrator himself in the story”. That just didn’t appeal to me at
all.
4.) The first paragraph I enjoyed the most it gave me a feel for how the writer felt about the story “Our Side of the Fence”. The part where the writer had written “ comparing and contrasting, the narrator proceeds to grow distaste for the new family, mainly because they do not wish to introduce themselves nor do they care to create a neighborly bond” really shows that this writer has a way with words that are incredible. This writer’s way with words was what drew me in the most.
5.) The concluding paragraph most definitely needs improvement it states the writers opinion twice about the story. The writer should have restated the other paragraphs in the beginning sentence instead of “I am very pleased to have been given the opportunity to read this story in class”.
Directions: Please use Microsoft Word or a compatible word processing program to computerize responses to these questions. Attached to this form is an outstanding computerized peer review written in my English 1301 course in Fall 2013. This student wrote in essay form. This peer review, unlike yours, is about an essay analyzing a short story. Still, this peer review gives you an idea of how to conduct one. Essay form is fine as long as all of my questions are addressed. Yet even if you merely use the form and answer the questions, you have just as much of a chance at a score of “30/30” as someone who writes an essay. Your Name__Abby Ybarra_____________ Writer’s Name_____Student 13__________________ …show more content…
Title of Writer’s Essay____________The Passions in Our Lives____________________
Deadline:
Directions: The purpose of this assignment is to read the essay of a fellow student who also completed the cause/effect essay assignment and offer praise and suggestions for improved writing. Please read the cause/effect essay of an anonymously assigned student and then answer the following questions about the essay.
Grading: Your peer review will not be graded NEARLY as stringently as the essays. I am concerned that you take the time to offer helpful advice, and not just say “Good.” As long as your answers are thorough and well justified, you should expect a high score on this assignment.
Has the writer written a thesis? Check __x___yes_____no
Does the thesis have three keywords? Check ___x__yes_____no
Is the thesis written with parallel sentence structure? Check___x__yes_____no
If you checked “yes,” please write the thesis below. For this peer review, you are not required to rewrite the thesis. All you are required to do is write the thesis word for word as the writer has written it. If you are completing the peer review online, you may cut and paste. A penalty will be applied if I locate a thesis and you have failed to write it down.
As for me, I am passionate about food, my future career, and the military.
Do you agree with the writer’s ordering of the three keywords? If not, how would you rearrange the keywords for better effect? For this response, you do not need to write a complete sentence—just place the keywords in a different order.
My future career, military, food
What is the first keyword?______________food_____________________
Check if the word is ________________Abstract____________X_____Concrete
Is the abstract word further defined or explained_____________yes___________X_______no___________N/A
What is the second keyword?__________my future career_______________________________
Check if the word is ________________________X_____________Abstract____________________________Concrete
Is the abstract word further defined or explained_____________yes_____X____no___________N/A
What is the third keyword?________military________________________________________________
Check if the word is _______________________________________Abstract____________X_____________Concrete
Is the abstract word further defined or explained_____X_yes___________________________no___________N/A
Having read this essay, what questions do you feel this writer should address in further detail?
-I feel that it should have went in further in detail because it would give the read more insight on these passions. Of course they are his passions but explain more detail about each three would have made it a whole lot better.
How effectively do you feel the writer’s concluding paragraph assesses the importance of examining the definition under consideration?
-These passions should have been more explained thoroughly. (eg. Food is one of my passions. Define food) it gives what food does but need more define term of it.
Of the five paragraphs, which do you enjoy reading the most, and why? Give an example of how the paragraph or a portion of the paragraph succeeds. Please respond in anywhere from two to five sentences.
Starting from sentence (21) all the way to (28) is very well written. It gives a firm understanding on what the military does. How is applies to it being a strong passion of theirs.
Of the five paragraphs, which do you feel needs the most improvement? Give an example of how the paragraph or a portion of the paragraph could have been improved. Please respond in anywhere from two to five sentences.
The conclusion paragraph needs another sentence to help the reader grasp the essay .it gives the thesis statement again but that’s about it. Really needs a meaningful closing to pull the whole thing together.
(eg. My passions about my future career, military, and food make me stay humble and gives me satisfaction for my overall life. I will continue to love these passions of mine to guide me through my journey of life.
Points Earned__________20__________ Maximum Points Possible: 30
Reader 010
Dr. S.E. Phillips
English 1302.123
28 September 2013 Peer Review on Writer 004 From Reader 010
1.) The beginning paragraph makes me feel curious about the writer of the essay about Gyanranjan’s “Our Side of the Fence and Theirs”.
It was satisfactory and pulled me in from the first sentence, which says, “A rather intriguing story “Our Side of the Fence” is, it follows the narrators thoughts concerning his new neighbors that have just moved into his family next door”.
2.) Thesis: “Three things I liked about this wondrous short story, was the friendliness and honor the narrators family appears to possess, the concise thought process behind the narrator, and the simplicity yet effectiveness bond the narrator’s family embodies”
3.) The concluding paragraph was awful it may have had a thesis statement but the ending could have been better. This writer fell short with the last sentence “I hope to be able to read more short stories similar to this, ones that I can really get into and feel as though I am the narrator himself in the story”. That just didn’t appeal to me at
all.
4.) The first paragraph I enjoyed the most it gave me a feel for how the writer felt about the story “Our Side of the Fence”. The part where the writer had written “ comparing and contrasting, the narrator proceeds to grow distaste for the new family, mainly because they do not wish to introduce themselves nor do they care to create a neighborly bond” really shows that this writer has a way with words that are incredible. This writer’s way with words was what drew me in the most.
5.) The concluding paragraph most definitely needs improvement it states the writers opinion twice about the story. The writer should have restated the other paragraphs in the beginning sentence instead of “I am very pleased to have been given the opportunity to read this story in class”.