Personal Narrative: Am I Worth The Odd One Out?

I’ve always had the ability to push myself beyond any reasonable expectation.

Whether it was emerging as the captain of the boys wrestling team or being accepted into

both Harvard and Yale’s precollegiate summer programs, my diligent and ambitious nature

has been the driving force behind some pretty amazing victories. Recently however, I have

been matched against a much worthier opponent than 200-pound boys or prestigious

universities: myself. This internal battle against the most dedicated, strong-willed and

aggressive fighter I’ve ever encountered almost resulted in suicide. How does one emerge

victorious when they become both the protagonist and antagonist? Regrettably I resorted to

the infamous, “permanent solution to a
temporary problem,” which by the grace of god sent

me directly to a mental health institution and started my life-changing journey of self-

discovery and acceptance.
I am frequently considered the “odd one out” in social and intellectual situations. In

a frustrating phenomenon, I am simply unable to conform. The mechanics of my mind have

puzzled numerous psychiatrists, who now collectively agree my illness vaguely resembles

both autism and schizophrenia. One can assume how troublesome these circumstances

became to an adolescent female only seeking public-acceptance. Societies failure
to

comprehend my views, assortment of interests and methods of problem solving began to

trigger reoccurring daydreams of conventionality. An idealism of unoriginality grew like a

fungus inside of me and eventually resulted in countless failed pursuits of adaptation.

Eventually I became internally deteriorated. I had fought tediously and strenuously

and, for lack of a more creative phrase, I was exhausted. In a war against oneself it is

theoretically impossible to succeed; so I surrendered. September 9th 2015 was the date of

my attempt, which I have decided to leave ambiguous aside from the confirmation that it

was unsuccessful.
That night I was admitted into Georgetown Behavioral Health Institution

where I discovered I was not alone in my state of self-animosity.

The facilities curriculum promoted two basic principles: acceptance and

appreciation. Before coming to the institution I had despised my unconventionality. Always

trying to cram my thoughts back into that notorious “box” was tedious and miserable.

Thankfully, that box did not exist in the mental hospital. The normality of abnormality made

my triumph over previous insecurities unusually facile. Through profound discussions with

other patients I came that to realize although our illnesses made us unusual, they did not

make us inadequate. On the final day of my sentence I was told there was no cure for my

illness and I could not be “fixed”, but with my new acquisition of self-acceptance I

recognized that I was not broken.

Later came appreciation. I decided to discontinue my attempts to conform to high-

school clichés and pursue a path of self-gratitude. Although it has been a gradual and

formidable process, I have come to embrace my originality. I abandoned my previous

parasitic nature to celebrate myself as unit. I am an inseparable amalgamation
of

extraordinary ambitions, determination and unconventionality. Together these features

make me unstoppable.