Personal Narrative: Ball Was Life
Ball Was Life
Summer
My summer was an inch away from being perfect. I had a good GPA and people to hangout with, but I was missing one thing: starting on the basketball team. Basketball was going great beside that one problem, but I just could not remove the obsession of starting from my mind. Basketball and happiness go hand in hand for me. Over the next month basketball and my attitude started spiraling downwards and brought my happiness and friendships with them. I isolated myself from nearly everybody and dreaded basketball more and more every day. It’s funny how one thing can truly control your life. I understand if your a professional athlete or your in love with a women, but I was just a sixteen year old who loved the game. I understand that you need to treat sports as not a job, …show more content…
but a hobby. As school got closer, my mind and happiness exponentially disappeared until they were gone and they seemed to not be coming back. I came home one day after practice and showered like usual. I remember everything about this day: the peppermint Bath and Body Works soap I used in the shower, the Livestrong shorts I put on after showering, the blue and white Nike elite socks I wore on my feet. After the shower I sat down on the brown leather couch in my living room thinking to myself, it will be better. When my mom got home from work fifteen minutes later, she came upstairs and I recreated the thoughts in the back of my mind in words. “Mom, I want to go back to Yarmouth.” Her face was so clearly engraved in my mind: the frown, the disappointment, and her words, “Not again Liam, you can’t keep running away.” If only I knew how right she was. Over the next week my parents and I outweighed Yarmouth as a better option for me.
Fall
School started along with football. I had a very optimistic view of everything. Having played decent minutes at Cheverus, I expected to start in football. School was going well and I liked all my teachers. I was really looking forward to basketball season. My happiness had returned, and my isolation had ended. The first football game came, no play time, the second game came, no play time. This pattern continued and I started to hate football and Yarmouth in general just as my mom feared the previous summer. In a junior varsity game about three weeks later, we played Falmouth.
During the 3rd quarter, I was running down field on a kickoff. Approaching the first blocker, I tried to go around him, and he drove his helmet straight into my knees. All I remember is having thoughts of relief as my knee exploded in pain. I enjoyed the idea of no longer playing football, but not the physical pain. Football season passed by in what seemed like a week because I was sitting at home everyday instead of practicing. My grades were rising, my happiness and excitement were both coming back to a healthy state as basketball approached. I was cleared to play basketball a few days before the football season was over by my physical therapist, Matt. I rushed home that day packed my sneakers and a ball and went to the gym. The ball felt so natural and nice in my hands, the squeaking of my shoes was so pleasant to my ear, and the swish of the net was a almost heavenly euphoria. I started hanging out with a lot of people again, my grades were back to normal, and I was expecting my goal to of starting to be finally accomplished. My problems were almost erased as it seemed everything was
perfect.
Winter Tryouts arrived and so did my anxiousness and self-doubt. I walked into the gym looking at fifty people who would have loved to take my spot and see me fail. This was a horrible feeling that made me sick to my stomach. The first day I played horrible basketball which was not normal and couldn’t stop myself because of how much I put myself down. The second day was easier after staying up the whole night thinking in bed and giving myself pep talks. I shot well, I passed well, and most importantly I felt good about myself and my game. At the end of the second day of tryouts, I had to leave early for a dinner with a Naval Academy admissions officer. Coach called everybody to the middle and announced that I took a varsity spot. I expected this and starting, but I was still happy. I have played around six thousand hours so far in my short life, and think about basketball every hour of the day. My emotional state, my attitude, my actions revolve around basketball. The first day of practice came the next day, I played a ton with the starters and had a great practice because of how confident I was. The first couple of preseason games went great. These games included a win over Cheverus, my old high school. One can only imagine how good it felt to beat them. I started the next game at Medomak which was our final preseason game. I was so nervous that I played horrible. I spiraled out of control and got so down on myself that I lost the game for us with my play. I’d seen my teammates play bad games and saw them start again, I thought this rule applied for me too. Our first regular season game came and I came off the bench and played well, expecting I was going to start next game. The next game came, and I still came off the bench. My play worsened as my hatred of Yarmouth, anxiousness, and self-inflicted anger and depression kicked back in.
Present The pattern continued and still does to this day. It’s just who I am. I don’t play ever now and have completely blown my starting spot for next year. I won’t let myself play under two sophomores but am too anxious and down on myself to actually follow through with this ideal. I don’t plan on playing basketball next year because nothing will get better, I’ll never be the player I was and should be again. My parents made me promise I will stay at Yarmouth because transferring again would make my application for college look bad. This whole experience has revealed to me aspects of life I never saw before. Life can never be blamed on others as your actions are almost always what causes the results. Excluding this realization one still needs to fight through adversity with a positive attitude. If I would have followed my own advice, I’m sure I would be in a different place then I am now.
Summer
My summer was an inch away from being perfect. I had a good GPA and people to hangout with, but I was missing one thing: starting on the basketball team. Basketball was going great beside that one problem, but I just could not remove the obsession of starting from my mind. Basketball and happiness go hand in hand for me. Over the next month basketball and my attitude started spiraling downwards and brought my happiness and friendships with them. I isolated myself from nearly everybody and dreaded basketball more and more every day. It’s funny how one thing can truly control your life. I understand if your a professional athlete or your in love with a women, but I was just a sixteen year old who loved the game. I understand that you need to treat sports as not a job, …show more content…
but a hobby. As school got closer, my mind and happiness exponentially disappeared until they were gone and they seemed to not be coming back. I came home one day after practice and showered like usual. I remember everything about this day: the peppermint Bath and Body Works soap I used in the shower, the Livestrong shorts I put on after showering, the blue and white Nike elite socks I wore on my feet. After the shower I sat down on the brown leather couch in my living room thinking to myself, it will be better. When my mom got home from work fifteen minutes later, she came upstairs and I recreated the thoughts in the back of my mind in words. “Mom, I want to go back to Yarmouth.” Her face was so clearly engraved in my mind: the frown, the disappointment, and her words, “Not again Liam, you can’t keep running away.” If only I knew how right she was. Over the next week my parents and I outweighed Yarmouth as a better option for me.
Fall
School started along with football. I had a very optimistic view of everything. Having played decent minutes at Cheverus, I expected to start in football. School was going well and I liked all my teachers. I was really looking forward to basketball season. My happiness had returned, and my isolation had ended. The first football game came, no play time, the second game came, no play time. This pattern continued and I started to hate football and Yarmouth in general just as my mom feared the previous summer. In a junior varsity game about three weeks later, we played Falmouth.
During the 3rd quarter, I was running down field on a kickoff. Approaching the first blocker, I tried to go around him, and he drove his helmet straight into my knees. All I remember is having thoughts of relief as my knee exploded in pain. I enjoyed the idea of no longer playing football, but not the physical pain. Football season passed by in what seemed like a week because I was sitting at home everyday instead of practicing. My grades were rising, my happiness and excitement were both coming back to a healthy state as basketball approached. I was cleared to play basketball a few days before the football season was over by my physical therapist, Matt. I rushed home that day packed my sneakers and a ball and went to the gym. The ball felt so natural and nice in my hands, the squeaking of my shoes was so pleasant to my ear, and the swish of the net was a almost heavenly euphoria. I started hanging out with a lot of people again, my grades were back to normal, and I was expecting my goal to of starting to be finally accomplished. My problems were almost erased as it seemed everything was
perfect.
Winter Tryouts arrived and so did my anxiousness and self-doubt. I walked into the gym looking at fifty people who would have loved to take my spot and see me fail. This was a horrible feeling that made me sick to my stomach. The first day I played horrible basketball which was not normal and couldn’t stop myself because of how much I put myself down. The second day was easier after staying up the whole night thinking in bed and giving myself pep talks. I shot well, I passed well, and most importantly I felt good about myself and my game. At the end of the second day of tryouts, I had to leave early for a dinner with a Naval Academy admissions officer. Coach called everybody to the middle and announced that I took a varsity spot. I expected this and starting, but I was still happy. I have played around six thousand hours so far in my short life, and think about basketball every hour of the day. My emotional state, my attitude, my actions revolve around basketball. The first day of practice came the next day, I played a ton with the starters and had a great practice because of how confident I was. The first couple of preseason games went great. These games included a win over Cheverus, my old high school. One can only imagine how good it felt to beat them. I started the next game at Medomak which was our final preseason game. I was so nervous that I played horrible. I spiraled out of control and got so down on myself that I lost the game for us with my play. I’d seen my teammates play bad games and saw them start again, I thought this rule applied for me too. Our first regular season game came and I came off the bench and played well, expecting I was going to start next game. The next game came, and I still came off the bench. My play worsened as my hatred of Yarmouth, anxiousness, and self-inflicted anger and depression kicked back in.
Present The pattern continued and still does to this day. It’s just who I am. I don’t play ever now and have completely blown my starting spot for next year. I won’t let myself play under two sophomores but am too anxious and down on myself to actually follow through with this ideal. I don’t plan on playing basketball next year because nothing will get better, I’ll never be the player I was and should be again. My parents made me promise I will stay at Yarmouth because transferring again would make my application for college look bad. This whole experience has revealed to me aspects of life I never saw before. Life can never be blamed on others as your actions are almost always what causes the results. Excluding this realization one still needs to fight through adversity with a positive attitude. If I would have followed my own advice, I’m sure I would be in a different place then I am now.