Personal Narrative: Growing Up In A Family

Since I grew up in a family with an abusive father, my response to conflict differs from most people. My father resolved conflict by shouting, degrading, and often physically abusing the other person. My mother’s response to conflict was to try to settle a compromise or walk away until her own frustration was no longer there. I think based off the conflict responses I observed growing up, my responses are a mixture of my parents. When in an intense argument with someone, I attack their character and then silence them out. Family members play a big part in how we resolve conflicts, because a good portion of our lives begin by us spending time with and watching our relatives. We, as a society, adapt skills and mannerisms from those closest to
us. Therefore, it is no wonder that my reactions to conflict are similar to my parents.

In the past year of dating my boyfriend, he and his family have definitely contributed to the ways I deal with conflict. They are a family who uses their words to resolve conflict. Also, they use ganging up and choosing sides to manipulate and escalate a conflict. So, my habitual patterns of dealing with conflict mirror theirs in that I choose sides. I make sure there is someone to back me up (or I am there to back them up) in a confrontation with another person. My boyfriend and his family play a big part in the way I resolve issues, because they have become an important part of my life. I see them on a regular basis and their influence has become a part of me. I learned the same way of choosing sides in conflict with my family growing up. I tended to side with the weaker person and defended them. I believe there are similarities in our resolving conflicts due to the strong relationship bond one has with their close ones and the need to defend them.

Grace can be defined in numerous ways. To me, grace is being pleasant to others without the need of any kind of compensation. I feel that there have been many accounts in my life in which I could have been graceful but wasn’t. One moment that sticks out in my mind occurred today. I had just gotten off work and was sitting in 5 o’clock traffic. I was in the lane that most people get in to turn onto the interstate. There was a truck in the lane next to me that decided they wanted in my lane, knowing that the lane I was in was packed with people who had already chosen to get in the lane they needed ahead of time. I was irritated at the person for thinking they could just skip ahead of everyone. So when they tried to get over I did not let them. I could have been graceful and allowed them in front of me, but I chose not to. If I could have done things differently, I don’t think I would. Everyone who uses the street knows what lane to get into and waits patiently for their turn. I still believe the person should not have thought they were superior in that they could skip everyone. I think I exhibited grace last night at work. The new girl was working on hanging clothes on a z-rack. I had just come back from putting away accessories in the store and saw she had knocked over the z-rack, causing all the clothes to fall on the floor. Even though it was getting time for me to clock out, I chose to stop and help her re-hang all the clothes back up. I chose to help her, because I would have wanted someone to help me if I had accidently done something embarrassing at a new job.