Personal Narrative: I Am A Perfectionist
After years of being myself, I have learned that I am a perfectionist. When I was younger, I would have been embarrassed to admit it because I was stubborn. Everything had to have the best outcome for me or else I would have a melt down. Denying that I was a perfectionist was impossible for anyone, including myself, since I would always strive to have the best grades, have the best handwriting, draw the best pictures, read at the highest level, and win games. Throughout elementary school I have had this unwavering drive to be the best that has stuck. Most elementary students do not have to worry much because they are still young and have not been given a lot of responsibilities. They do not strive to be the best because they do not get that many of their actions and accomplishments will matter in the future when doing things like applying for jobs. Although I did not understand that school would affect where I could go to college and what job opportunities I would have, I was hard on myself. I would try to do my best, but I would convince myself that my best was not good enough. This made me very stubborn when it came to being told I was not doing something right. When reading books out loud, I would be upset if I was told I
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mispronounced any words. My feeling toward literature at this point in my life was negative because I was not perfect at reading. The solution my parents came up to solve my discontent with reading was with a sticker chart to positively encourage improvement of my reading skills and to better my overall attitude toward literature.
Ever since elementary school I have listened to and read stories. My parents often would read to me. The way they read would seem so amazing to me. Each line would sound so fluent and effortless, and I could not help but want to read that way too. They would read anything from fiction books about talking animals, to educational books about learning new words and working with numbers. Before I fell asleep is when they read to me the most so that the words would leave a lasting impression. Practicing to read out loud was the next step into expanding my literacy capability, and I was anxious to begin.
The time put aside for me to read to my mom and dad became a time I always dreaded. Reading out loud was not my favorite because I would stumble over my words, which meant I was far from perfection. My parents still had me practice every day so that I would improve. Although I was petrified that I would not know a word in the book I had to read, I did love to read, and I still do. The issue was that stumbling over difficult words would give me a strong feeling of embarrassment that I despised. When this would happen, I would stop reading immediately. Tears would fill my eyes as I sat there and stared at the page, too stubborn to attempt to say the word. Since I did not know the word I would try and skip over it to avoid making a mistake, but my mom would stop me. She would ask if I needed help with the word, but I never would want to admit that I did.
I knew that my parents would never be mad if I did not know something.
As an elementary school student, I needed to come to the realization that I was not going to know every word I would come across. I was very, very young. The purpose of reading out loud was to expand my vocabulary. My anger toward myself when reading was what upset my mom and made her start yelling. It was frustrating to her that I could not accept a mistake. Keeping my stance on reading was a reflection of how stubborn I was. Stance is the attitude someone has toward something. The way you express that stance affects the way you come across to others (Bullock, Richard, Maureen D. Goggin, Francine Weinberg 12). This is evident in my attitude and writing to this
day.
My parents knew that something had to be done about my inability to read an entire short book without having a panic attack. The time put aside for me to read became less for practicing reading out loud fluently and more of a test to see if I could get through an entire book without getting frustrated. They decided to make reading the books seem as fun as possible by making it seem like some sort of game. They came up with the idea of a sticker chart that they put on the refrigerator. This was way more helpful than the yelling tactic that had failed many times before. Basically, every time I got through an entire book without breaking down I would get a sticker to add to a row. Once I filled up an entire row of stickers, I could go to the library to buy a new book. This always gave me something to look forward to, and I would really try my best to get through the books because of this. I always bothered my parents to buy Dr. Seuss books for me, so this gave me an incentive to really try to overcome my fear of not reading out loud perfectly. The best part about getting a new book was that I did not have to read those ones out loud, they were only for me. I am pretty certain that I could not read my own books out loud because my parents would make sure that there would be words I would have trouble with in the ones they picked.
This became a huge learning experience for me in many different ways and definitely still impacts me to this day. One thing that this taught me was that positive reinforcement is more efficient and can help more when learning than giving negative feedback. Thinking negatively overall makes any situation worse and makes things difficult. Getting yelled at when I was upset about not knowing something did not bring us any closer to coming to a solution for the problem at hand. The sticker chart was a way to try to fix the issue without a negative attitude, and I can see that it was very impactful. I always loved putting my stickers on the chart just because I thought it was fun, even though I was technically being bribed. At the time it was just getting a new book to me, but each book represented a significant accomplishment I had made. I could never have read through so many books if no one took the initiative to try something new to make me want to read better. Staying positive is the best way to accomplish what you want. It will make you feel better about what you are doing overall, and will make whatever you are doing seem easier. Negative attitudes toward anything, including your own writing, will not get you very far. If you feel negatively toward something you are writing about, chances are that that is evident in the words you use, too.
This experience also made me deal with my anxiety of reading. Sometimes I still get anxious when I read out loud because I do not want to say something that sounds dumb or mess up, but I had to learn to get over that anxious feeling at least a little at a young age. If we just had let the way I acted go, it could have turned into a bigger problem with how I acted in school in the future. Reading is essential to everyday life, and it was important that my parents had me better my reading skills. Everyday we use these skills to stay up to date with news. “We read newspapers and websites to learn about the events of the day” (Bullock, Richard, Maureen D. Goggin, Francine Weinberg 396). I had to face the consequences of getting lectured when I would have temper tantrums and cry my eyes out when I overreacted while reading a book. I had to realize that it is okay to not read something perfectly, and that mistakes are going to be made sometimes. This was not something that I was aware of when I was that young, but it is clear to me now that my parents were not trying to torture me. I had to know it is okay to make mistakes, and that idea can be transferred over into my writing. Nothing is going to be perfect, especially the first time through. I can not sit around for hours trying to make my first drafts of writing perfect because it is not supposed to be perfect the first time. I learned that there are ways to brainstorm ideas, and not all of them will be good ideas. I always try my best to take as many opportunities to learn from my experiences as I can. Making mistakes is how I grew as a person and learned new things. This mental block was a huge hurdle I eventually got over. It was definitely an event that came to impact and shape my attitude toward reading and literature for the better.
mispronounced any words. My feeling toward literature at this point in my life was negative because I was not perfect at reading. The solution my parents came up to solve my discontent with reading was with a sticker chart to positively encourage improvement of my reading skills and to better my overall attitude toward literature.
Ever since elementary school I have listened to and read stories. My parents often would read to me. The way they read would seem so amazing to me. Each line would sound so fluent and effortless, and I could not help but want to read that way too. They would read anything from fiction books about talking animals, to educational books about learning new words and working with numbers. Before I fell asleep is when they read to me the most so that the words would leave a lasting impression. Practicing to read out loud was the next step into expanding my literacy capability, and I was anxious to begin.
The time put aside for me to read to my mom and dad became a time I always dreaded. Reading out loud was not my favorite because I would stumble over my words, which meant I was far from perfection. My parents still had me practice every day so that I would improve. Although I was petrified that I would not know a word in the book I had to read, I did love to read, and I still do. The issue was that stumbling over difficult words would give me a strong feeling of embarrassment that I despised. When this would happen, I would stop reading immediately. Tears would fill my eyes as I sat there and stared at the page, too stubborn to attempt to say the word. Since I did not know the word I would try and skip over it to avoid making a mistake, but my mom would stop me. She would ask if I needed help with the word, but I never would want to admit that I did.
I knew that my parents would never be mad if I did not know something.
As an elementary school student, I needed to come to the realization that I was not going to know every word I would come across. I was very, very young. The purpose of reading out loud was to expand my vocabulary. My anger toward myself when reading was what upset my mom and made her start yelling. It was frustrating to her that I could not accept a mistake. Keeping my stance on reading was a reflection of how stubborn I was. Stance is the attitude someone has toward something. The way you express that stance affects the way you come across to others (Bullock, Richard, Maureen D. Goggin, Francine Weinberg 12). This is evident in my attitude and writing to this
day.
My parents knew that something had to be done about my inability to read an entire short book without having a panic attack. The time put aside for me to read became less for practicing reading out loud fluently and more of a test to see if I could get through an entire book without getting frustrated. They decided to make reading the books seem as fun as possible by making it seem like some sort of game. They came up with the idea of a sticker chart that they put on the refrigerator. This was way more helpful than the yelling tactic that had failed many times before. Basically, every time I got through an entire book without breaking down I would get a sticker to add to a row. Once I filled up an entire row of stickers, I could go to the library to buy a new book. This always gave me something to look forward to, and I would really try my best to get through the books because of this. I always bothered my parents to buy Dr. Seuss books for me, so this gave me an incentive to really try to overcome my fear of not reading out loud perfectly. The best part about getting a new book was that I did not have to read those ones out loud, they were only for me. I am pretty certain that I could not read my own books out loud because my parents would make sure that there would be words I would have trouble with in the ones they picked.
This became a huge learning experience for me in many different ways and definitely still impacts me to this day. One thing that this taught me was that positive reinforcement is more efficient and can help more when learning than giving negative feedback. Thinking negatively overall makes any situation worse and makes things difficult. Getting yelled at when I was upset about not knowing something did not bring us any closer to coming to a solution for the problem at hand. The sticker chart was a way to try to fix the issue without a negative attitude, and I can see that it was very impactful. I always loved putting my stickers on the chart just because I thought it was fun, even though I was technically being bribed. At the time it was just getting a new book to me, but each book represented a significant accomplishment I had made. I could never have read through so many books if no one took the initiative to try something new to make me want to read better. Staying positive is the best way to accomplish what you want. It will make you feel better about what you are doing overall, and will make whatever you are doing seem easier. Negative attitudes toward anything, including your own writing, will not get you very far. If you feel negatively toward something you are writing about, chances are that that is evident in the words you use, too.
This experience also made me deal with my anxiety of reading. Sometimes I still get anxious when I read out loud because I do not want to say something that sounds dumb or mess up, but I had to learn to get over that anxious feeling at least a little at a young age. If we just had let the way I acted go, it could have turned into a bigger problem with how I acted in school in the future. Reading is essential to everyday life, and it was important that my parents had me better my reading skills. Everyday we use these skills to stay up to date with news. “We read newspapers and websites to learn about the events of the day” (Bullock, Richard, Maureen D. Goggin, Francine Weinberg 396). I had to face the consequences of getting lectured when I would have temper tantrums and cry my eyes out when I overreacted while reading a book. I had to realize that it is okay to not read something perfectly, and that mistakes are going to be made sometimes. This was not something that I was aware of when I was that young, but it is clear to me now that my parents were not trying to torture me. I had to know it is okay to make mistakes, and that idea can be transferred over into my writing. Nothing is going to be perfect, especially the first time through. I can not sit around for hours trying to make my first drafts of writing perfect because it is not supposed to be perfect the first time. I learned that there are ways to brainstorm ideas, and not all of them will be good ideas. I always try my best to take as many opportunities to learn from my experiences as I can. Making mistakes is how I grew as a person and learned new things. This mental block was a huge hurdle I eventually got over. It was definitely an event that came to impact and shape my attitude toward reading and literature for the better.