Personal Narrative: My Grandpa

A chilly breeze struck my face as I lower the window of the car, a 2010 Dodge, rushing passed buildings while leaves begin to fall off the trees. Mom and I were passing the local cemetery on our way to the store and I think of him. Without a warning, tears slowly make their way down the sides of my face and it takes me back to the Winter of 2010 when I knew, knew that he would be taking his very last breath.
My Grandpa, beloved and cherished, has just passed. Balling her eyes out, Mom falls to the floor as if she was stabbed in the stomach, but she hadn’t been stabbed or injured in any way, instead she had to hear the news. I help her up and hold her tight, almost to the point of suffocation. Overwhelmed with emotion, I left her and headed to my room. The house feels different now, it doesn’t look the way it once had. The white walls that are supposed to reflect light, didn’t anymore. I lay in bed and release a sigh of relief, knowing I was safe and away from all the death that filled this house, only, death is inescapable, it follows you. At that moment I see him as I look out my window and witness the first snowfall. “He loved snow.” I thought. The snow gently lands and disintegrates into nothingness on my windowsill.
I continue watching the snow, resting on
my windowsill one minute and vanishing into thin air the next. Keeping my gaze on the snowfall, I think of him and at that moment it hits me, all the anger that’s been building up inside finally is exposed, the realization that I was never able to tell him “I love you.” Only meeting Grandpa once and saying those three words was too embarrassing for me, because of this, I won’t get the chance ever again. As all these thoughts of regret come rushing through my head, I relive the moment when I saw him at his worst.
Throwing up blood, the paramedic carried Grandpa on his back and onto the ambulance.
As he’s being rushed out of the door, tears begin falling out of my eyes. My aunt heads over to me holding tears back while she hands me a Hoodwinked movie disc, “Watch this while we’re gone.” She says. Looking back at this, I realized that the reason the disc was given to me, was to preserve my innocence, shielding me from all that was going on, and I am thankful for that. The ambulance truck fleeted while I watch as my family hops in the car and makes their way to the hospital. Tears dripping, heartbeat racing, I hurried outside as the car gets farther and farther away, the feeling of my insides twisting, suddenly hits
me.
Reminiscing of all of this makes me sick in the stomach, just as I begin to gag. “He isn’t dead, he can’t be.” I thought. “Someone you just meet can’t just die!” My face heats up while anger yet again fills my veins. I put the pillow over my head in hopes of falling asleep, but instead I start to sob. Mom hears my loudness and comes up to my room. She wasn’t crying anymore, but her eyes were so puffy as if she had just woken up. She walks over to me, removes the pillow from my head and holds me, “Everyone cries at some point, it’s okay, let it out.” She says in a gentle, calm voice. “Can we go to the funeral?” I ask, but I already knew the answer. Grandpa’s death was so sudden that it was too inconvenient for us to attend. Although, I am grateful to have met him, I want more time. Mom tells me, “Things take time to heal, but it’ll get better, you don’t think so now, but they do.” Her words comforted me and made me become aware that time is a very valuable thing and shouldn’t be taken for granted. Time, it didn’t have to be my enemy, in the end it’ll be the one to save me from all these emotions of guilt, regret, and anger by slowly healing me.
Almost 6 years now and I still miss Grandpa, but I have learned so much from his death and it has changed my perspective on life. I have learned to appreciate even the most little of things and live life to its fullest.
Time is very valuable and shouldn’t be taken granted for.