Personal Narrative-The Life Of A Substandard Perfectionist
The Life of a Substandard Perfectionist When I do something extremely impulsive and wrong, what do I feel? Deep down inside, I know what I am doing is unacceptable, but my conscience lacks consistency in those moments. All my pain is internalized until I release it in a rush of instability and loneliness. I never heard a song that described the emotions I felt when I made those spontaneous decisions until a couple days ago in a dimly lit computer room. I was sitting in a black uncomfortable chair listening to numerous gut wrenching songs but none that I truly felt connected to. Then a song called “Someone Who Cares” by Three Days Grace started wailing lamentations of guilt and sorrow, my thoughts drifted into the past.
The First Verses …show more content…
I would skip school to avoid the fear of failure. I had fallen far behind in my classes and was feeling overwhelmed. I would feel so guilty and shameful that I could not be a “normal” teenager like everyone else. These feelings led me to believe that I did not belong anywhere and that I was causing too many problems for my family. I ran away from home in October of 2010, alone and out of place. The feeling that no one would care if I left and that my family would just be upset with me compelled me to run as fast I …show more content…
Who cares about you?
When it 's easy enough to find someone who looks down on you?
Why is it so hard to finds someone who can keep it together when you 've come undone? Why is it so hard to find someone, who cares about you? (Someone Who Cares 3)
This August, I attempted suicide. The pressure of school felt increasingly tremendous. I did not want to fail my family yet again academically. I knew this was my last chance. With everything that I had been though, I still could not cope with issues in a healthy way. I felt that if I failed in school this year, I would always be a failure. My family would label me as the broken one for the rest of my life. If I ended my life then, I could finally stop hurting the ones I love. That evening, I overdosed on fifteen pills of Prozac; I hoped I would have felt some relief from my mistakes.
The Last
The First Verses …show more content…
I would skip school to avoid the fear of failure. I had fallen far behind in my classes and was feeling overwhelmed. I would feel so guilty and shameful that I could not be a “normal” teenager like everyone else. These feelings led me to believe that I did not belong anywhere and that I was causing too many problems for my family. I ran away from home in October of 2010, alone and out of place. The feeling that no one would care if I left and that my family would just be upset with me compelled me to run as fast I …show more content…
Who cares about you?
When it 's easy enough to find someone who looks down on you?
Why is it so hard to finds someone who can keep it together when you 've come undone? Why is it so hard to find someone, who cares about you? (Someone Who Cares 3)
This August, I attempted suicide. The pressure of school felt increasingly tremendous. I did not want to fail my family yet again academically. I knew this was my last chance. With everything that I had been though, I still could not cope with issues in a healthy way. I felt that if I failed in school this year, I would always be a failure. My family would label me as the broken one for the rest of my life. If I ended my life then, I could finally stop hurting the ones I love. That evening, I overdosed on fifteen pills of Prozac; I hoped I would have felt some relief from my mistakes.
The Last