Reflective Essay: Dynamics Of Complementary Relationships

Introduction
This year, my supervision with Alan revolved around my difficulties in working relationally both in therapy and supervision and considered the need to escape the push and pull, “doer–done to” dynamics of complementary relationships.
I explored Benjamin’s notion of thirdness, a combination of the ‘Third in the One’, developed through experiences where the mother holds in tension her desires and the needs of the child, and the ‘One in the Third’, a tendency to respond symmetrically, to match and mirror—the shared reciprocity of two active partners (Benjamin, 2007).
In parallel, I explored the impact of my supervision work on my clinical practice through the case of Kev, a 30 year old White English man I see through an NHS bereavement counselling service. In particular, I examined parallel processes (Mothersole, 1999;
Resistance I started this second year with Alan expecting to jump straight back into a fully functioning relational supervision that would not generate any storming (Tuckman, 1965) as we had done all that last year. Our early sessions alternated fairly smoothly between Practice Based, Clarifying and Relational Field contracts (Chinnock, 2011), while focusing on my clients’ bereavement needs.
In the therapy room, I took an immediate liking to Kev and, as I first met him, I surprised myself by feeling distinctively feminine, not something I had experienced before with any of my clients. Kev’s build and beard reminded me of a strong furry bear, cuddly but dangerous.
I had expected some power play in the therapy room due to our respective roles as therapist-client; however, I was surprised by the intensity of the additional gender dynamics and wondered why it seemed weighted in the opposite