Romanticized Marriage Research Paper
Molly McGrath SC024: Gender and Society Final Paper, Option #3 December 10, 2010
Romanticizing Marriage and Heteronormalizing Society
Over the years, weddings have developed from a sacred ritual to a moneymaking industry. Bridal magazines cover the shelves of grocery stores and doctor’s offices. Television shows and movies show scenes of women dressed in white and associate these images with happiness and wholeness. The divorce rate in America may be high, but the social fascination with and desire for the fairytale wedding is even higher. Chrys Ingraham, Jyl Josephson, and the marginalized LGBT community all address the issues created by the romanticism of marriage and compare the pressure to have the perfect …show more content…
wedding with the social demand to have the perfect heteronormative marriage. The wedding planning website “The Knot” has everything that your average bride would need in one place. It boasts the names and reviews of wedding vendors in your area, dictates proper wedding etiquette, and lets women shop the most popular contemporary wedding styles. It serves as a concrete example of society reinforcing heteronormativity on a daily basis. Chrys Ingraham states that heteronormativity is the institutionalization of heterosexuality, which dictates the standards for legitimate and acceptable social and sexual relations. “The Knot” reinforces acceptable sexual relations under its tab “Real Weddings,” which features pictures of real couples at their weddings. Every single “real” couple that is depicted is the same; white male and female glowing with happiness. However this depiction of a “real” couple is prejudiced racially and further dictates heteronormativity. Ingraham believes that weddings reinforce this standard for “normal” heterosexual relationships through the notion of a “white wedding.” The “white wedding,” as Ingraham finds, is the traditional Christian ceremony between a white woman and white man that not only reaffirms their love for each other, but also reaffirms their dedication to the institution of marriage and the certain behaviors that it dictates. In this same way, “The Knot” dictates that the “white wedding,” or “real wedding,” meets the standards for a legitimate and socially acceptable wedding. On the left side of the browser under “real weddings” are sub-categories of these weddings, which include: African-American Weddings, Jewish Weddings, and Gay Weddings. Although these diverse weddings and relationships are recognized, they are literally marginalized into an “other” category because they do not fit the romanticized model of the “white wedding” that calls for a white, Christian, heterosexual man and woman. “The Knot” shows racial prejudice because of its lack of multi-raced models featured on the site and the exclusion of African-American weddings from the “Real Weddings” category. Why must black brides be separate from white brides? Isn’t a bride a bride? Although the African-American section of the website has specialized tips for African-themed weddings and make-up tips “for your skin tone,” the distinction between the white wedding and the black wedding proves that most people view them separately and see whiteness as the standard. Acker speaks of whiteness as a standard and found that white men make more money than men or women of any other race because they are deemed the standard in our society. This statistic is not only proven in the workplace, but is also proven in the world of weddings. Ingraham finds that blacks and Hispanics spend less on weddings than white people do, which can probably be attributed to inequality in pay between white and colored people. The fact that people of color will spend less on a wedding also reinforces the notion that weddings “belong” to white couples because of the lavish, fairy-tale ceremonies that they are able to pay for. “The Knot” also shows prejudice against homosexual couples by marginalizing them into a sub-category of “real weddings.” The gay weddings page is smaller and less-detailed than the real weddings page, and has many links for advice on etiquette and how to make an unconventional wedding go “more smoothly.” The deeming of a heterosexual wedding as a “real wedding” proves that heterosexuality is promoted and enforced by the institution of marriage. Josephson would argue that this glorification of the “white wedding” or “real wedding” acts as a kind of sexual shaming that reinforces heteronormativity. Sexual shaming marginalizes those who don’t follow the norm of a heterosexual marriage and makes them feel shame or guilt for straying from the standard that society dictates. Same-sex couples and single mothers are most subject to sexual shaming because their lifestyle does not coincide with the heteronormative standard of marriage. Discrimination against single mothers also stems from Acker’s notion of the white man as the standard in the workplace. Single mothers must work to support their families but because they don’t fit the white male standard, they cannot make an adequate amount of money and therefore hold a lower position in the hierarchy of society. Single mothers are also discriminated against because they serve as living examples of alternatives to the heteronormative institution of marriage and prove that other options do exist. “The Knot’s” support of engaged and newly wed women does not extend to single or divorced women, and the website even has a tab that gives advice on how to “Get Engaged!” and secure a husband. The heteronormativity supported on the website “The Knot” proves that heterosexual behaviors are produced socially.
The website targets an audience of mainly women, and the home page supports “normal” female interests by advertising wedding dresses, shoes, hairstyles and the like. Ingraham looks at this phenomenon of the “girly-girl” and states that girls are not born brides with the desire to dress up, do their makeup, and someday be brides. These desires have everything to do with the dictations of culture. Culture reinforces that women care about their looks and dress a certain way, and “The Knot” further reinforces this by creating a wedding site geared at women with all of the things that any bride-to-be should be interested in. Ingraham would find that this proves that the institution of marriage acts as a symbolic rite of passage for heterosexual men and women. There is a constant promotion of heterosexual behavior in our culture, which is supported by norm and rule-guided behavior. “The Knot” believes that brides that act according to the heteronormative standard occupy their time with shopping for shoes and dresses and wondering what floral arrangement would look best. Weddings reinforce this hyper-feminism and women willingly enter into an institution that upholds female
oppression. The “Beyond Same-Sex Marriage” manifesto speaks out against heterosexuality as the standard and calls for laws and society to change with modern times. With economic hardship and poverty increasing, unconventional couples and single parents need governmental acknowledgement and support in order to properly care for themselves and their children. Heterosexual marriage should not be the only option for citizens to gain these necessary rights. The manifesto rejects the institution of marriage as a whole and states that the LGBT community wants to gain the right to the economic benefits that married couples possess without the restricting institution of marriage. This points out an alternative to marriage that abolishes the requirement of a heteronormative marriage in order to secure economic rights such as social security and joint home ownership. This substitute for marriage calls for a recognition of families of all kinds and states that diverse families are now the new norm. The manifesto accuses the government of narrowly defining legitimate families, which is supported by the narrow representation of families and couples shown on “The Knot.” This simple marriage planning website represents the obsession that our society has with marriage, and the unfair marginalization that comes with stepping outside of the norm. In conclusion, heteronormative behaviors are promoted through the institution of marriage and weddings act as just another rite of passage for entering into the heteronormative world. “The Knot” is a small website that represents the bigger picture of this promotion of heteronormativity and the marginalization of those who do not fit into the societal norm. However, Josephson would probably argue that even if this simple website did fairly include the ceremonies and relationships of people of all sexual preferences and races, and even if the state allowed equal access to marriage and its benefits, inequalities would still exist. Even a transformation of the entire institution of marriage will not make women and sexual minorities free and equal citizens because society is already ingrained with certain notions that support heteronormativity and excludes those who refuse to conform to the societal norm.
Romanticizing Marriage and Heteronormalizing Society
Over the years, weddings have developed from a sacred ritual to a moneymaking industry. Bridal magazines cover the shelves of grocery stores and doctor’s offices. Television shows and movies show scenes of women dressed in white and associate these images with happiness and wholeness. The divorce rate in America may be high, but the social fascination with and desire for the fairytale wedding is even higher. Chrys Ingraham, Jyl Josephson, and the marginalized LGBT community all address the issues created by the romanticism of marriage and compare the pressure to have the perfect …show more content…
wedding with the social demand to have the perfect heteronormative marriage. The wedding planning website “The Knot” has everything that your average bride would need in one place. It boasts the names and reviews of wedding vendors in your area, dictates proper wedding etiquette, and lets women shop the most popular contemporary wedding styles. It serves as a concrete example of society reinforcing heteronormativity on a daily basis. Chrys Ingraham states that heteronormativity is the institutionalization of heterosexuality, which dictates the standards for legitimate and acceptable social and sexual relations. “The Knot” reinforces acceptable sexual relations under its tab “Real Weddings,” which features pictures of real couples at their weddings. Every single “real” couple that is depicted is the same; white male and female glowing with happiness. However this depiction of a “real” couple is prejudiced racially and further dictates heteronormativity. Ingraham believes that weddings reinforce this standard for “normal” heterosexual relationships through the notion of a “white wedding.” The “white wedding,” as Ingraham finds, is the traditional Christian ceremony between a white woman and white man that not only reaffirms their love for each other, but also reaffirms their dedication to the institution of marriage and the certain behaviors that it dictates. In this same way, “The Knot” dictates that the “white wedding,” or “real wedding,” meets the standards for a legitimate and socially acceptable wedding. On the left side of the browser under “real weddings” are sub-categories of these weddings, which include: African-American Weddings, Jewish Weddings, and Gay Weddings. Although these diverse weddings and relationships are recognized, they are literally marginalized into an “other” category because they do not fit the romanticized model of the “white wedding” that calls for a white, Christian, heterosexual man and woman. “The Knot” shows racial prejudice because of its lack of multi-raced models featured on the site and the exclusion of African-American weddings from the “Real Weddings” category. Why must black brides be separate from white brides? Isn’t a bride a bride? Although the African-American section of the website has specialized tips for African-themed weddings and make-up tips “for your skin tone,” the distinction between the white wedding and the black wedding proves that most people view them separately and see whiteness as the standard. Acker speaks of whiteness as a standard and found that white men make more money than men or women of any other race because they are deemed the standard in our society. This statistic is not only proven in the workplace, but is also proven in the world of weddings. Ingraham finds that blacks and Hispanics spend less on weddings than white people do, which can probably be attributed to inequality in pay between white and colored people. The fact that people of color will spend less on a wedding also reinforces the notion that weddings “belong” to white couples because of the lavish, fairy-tale ceremonies that they are able to pay for. “The Knot” also shows prejudice against homosexual couples by marginalizing them into a sub-category of “real weddings.” The gay weddings page is smaller and less-detailed than the real weddings page, and has many links for advice on etiquette and how to make an unconventional wedding go “more smoothly.” The deeming of a heterosexual wedding as a “real wedding” proves that heterosexuality is promoted and enforced by the institution of marriage. Josephson would argue that this glorification of the “white wedding” or “real wedding” acts as a kind of sexual shaming that reinforces heteronormativity. Sexual shaming marginalizes those who don’t follow the norm of a heterosexual marriage and makes them feel shame or guilt for straying from the standard that society dictates. Same-sex couples and single mothers are most subject to sexual shaming because their lifestyle does not coincide with the heteronormative standard of marriage. Discrimination against single mothers also stems from Acker’s notion of the white man as the standard in the workplace. Single mothers must work to support their families but because they don’t fit the white male standard, they cannot make an adequate amount of money and therefore hold a lower position in the hierarchy of society. Single mothers are also discriminated against because they serve as living examples of alternatives to the heteronormative institution of marriage and prove that other options do exist. “The Knot’s” support of engaged and newly wed women does not extend to single or divorced women, and the website even has a tab that gives advice on how to “Get Engaged!” and secure a husband. The heteronormativity supported on the website “The Knot” proves that heterosexual behaviors are produced socially.
The website targets an audience of mainly women, and the home page supports “normal” female interests by advertising wedding dresses, shoes, hairstyles and the like. Ingraham looks at this phenomenon of the “girly-girl” and states that girls are not born brides with the desire to dress up, do their makeup, and someday be brides. These desires have everything to do with the dictations of culture. Culture reinforces that women care about their looks and dress a certain way, and “The Knot” further reinforces this by creating a wedding site geared at women with all of the things that any bride-to-be should be interested in. Ingraham would find that this proves that the institution of marriage acts as a symbolic rite of passage for heterosexual men and women. There is a constant promotion of heterosexual behavior in our culture, which is supported by norm and rule-guided behavior. “The Knot” believes that brides that act according to the heteronormative standard occupy their time with shopping for shoes and dresses and wondering what floral arrangement would look best. Weddings reinforce this hyper-feminism and women willingly enter into an institution that upholds female
oppression. The “Beyond Same-Sex Marriage” manifesto speaks out against heterosexuality as the standard and calls for laws and society to change with modern times. With economic hardship and poverty increasing, unconventional couples and single parents need governmental acknowledgement and support in order to properly care for themselves and their children. Heterosexual marriage should not be the only option for citizens to gain these necessary rights. The manifesto rejects the institution of marriage as a whole and states that the LGBT community wants to gain the right to the economic benefits that married couples possess without the restricting institution of marriage. This points out an alternative to marriage that abolishes the requirement of a heteronormative marriage in order to secure economic rights such as social security and joint home ownership. This substitute for marriage calls for a recognition of families of all kinds and states that diverse families are now the new norm. The manifesto accuses the government of narrowly defining legitimate families, which is supported by the narrow representation of families and couples shown on “The Knot.” This simple marriage planning website represents the obsession that our society has with marriage, and the unfair marginalization that comes with stepping outside of the norm. In conclusion, heteronormative behaviors are promoted through the institution of marriage and weddings act as just another rite of passage for entering into the heteronormative world. “The Knot” is a small website that represents the bigger picture of this promotion of heteronormativity and the marginalization of those who do not fit into the societal norm. However, Josephson would probably argue that even if this simple website did fairly include the ceremonies and relationships of people of all sexual preferences and races, and even if the state allowed equal access to marriage and its benefits, inequalities would still exist. Even a transformation of the entire institution of marriage will not make women and sexual minorities free and equal citizens because society is already ingrained with certain notions that support heteronormativity and excludes those who refuse to conform to the societal norm.