Short Story: Hills Like White Elephants

Hills like White Elephants, in the original short story clearly the narrator is watching the couple converse, in my short story I chose to place the narrator in the conversation, for the most part. I wanted to express the same feel as a couple talking , or lack of communication because in my short story I have a lonely solider talking to a girl he meets in the cafeteria in the Georgia airport (hills like white elephants was set at an airport.) The clouds were mentioned in the original as looking like elephants, in my short story I took the time to describe the clouds to some extent but I didn’t focus on the clouds. I know I didn’t use much of the original short story elements in my own short story. I basically took a man and a women, placed