Simulated Prison Evaluation

An Evaluation of “A Study of Prisoners and Guards in a Simulated Prison”
“A Study of Prisoners and Guards in a Simulated Prison” is a research article written by Craig Haney, Curtis Banks and Philip Zimbardo. The basis of the psychological experiment performed was to study and research the effects of being a prisoner and a guard in a simulated prison environment. The focus being the patterns and behavior characterized by both parties and to investigate how easily the subjects were susceptible to conforming to their assigned roles. Some passages within the paper are understandable and easily read, but the overall sentence structure is poor and messy making easy ideas complicated and unnecessarily confusing. Many examples throughout the paper
can be found that could be structured a different way to create clear writing. While the overall paper could be improved, it is for the most part easily understandable to just about any reader, prior background knowledge on the subject or not. The sentence found in the last paragraph on the seventh page can be used as an example to demonstrate confusing sentence structure and word placement, “To optimize the extent to which their behavior would reflect their genuine reactions to the experimental prison situation and not simply their ability to follow instructions, they were intentionally given only minimal guidelines for what it meant to be a guard” (Haney, et al., page 7). Not only is this sentence long and confusing, but many unnecessary words can be taken out and still get the point across in a more efficient matter. The sentence can be rewritten like so, to obtain the most genuine result in the guard’s behavior in the simulated prison, they were given minimal guidelines as to how to behave. The idea of the sentence is simple, so it should be written simply. The sentence is not only easier to understand rewritten, but shorter with the idea of the sentence still intact – the guards received minimal instruction for the most genuine results.

“The ‘guards’ were free within certain limits to implement the procedures of induction into the prison setting and maintenance of custodial retention of the ‘prisoners’" (Haney, et al., page 7).
The word implement in this sentence is an example of the use of a fuzzy verb, it says something happened, but not what. Replacing the fuzzy verb, implement, with an action verb will make the sentence much less indecisive. An action verb that can be used here to replace implement could be the world perform, a much more concrete and clear word which is necessary in science writing. Using short direct words can keep the writing from getting
confusing.
Filler words are something to watch out for in science writing, they can take a sentence from well written to confusing quickly. “Being a guard carried with it social status within the prison, a group identity (when wearing the uniform), and above all, the freedom to exercise an unprecedented degree of control over the lives of other human beings” (Haney, et al., page 7). Not only can this sentence be condensed to be shorter and more to the point, but it can be structured to be fluid and easier for the reader to understand as well. Taking out several unnecessary words and creating more fluidity, the sentence can be rewritten like so, “Being a guard carried a social status within the prison, a group identity, and an unprecedented degree of control over the prisoners”. Here the main point of the sentence is still obvious to the reader. The most obvious filler words found in the first sentence to take out would be “and above all”, “the freedom”, “exercise”, “with it”, and “human beings”. None of these words or phrases are necessary to create a sound sentence.
Structure and word use will either make or break a statement made through a sentence, an example of this is found at the beginning of the paragraph on page seventeen, the last page of the article.
It does an excellent job setting the rest of the paragraph up for the reader. “In conclusion, we believe this demonstration reveals new dimensions in the social psychology of imprisonment worth pursuing in future research.” (Haney, Banks, Zimbardo, page 17) This short, to the point, and precise sentence clearly gets the point across and is easy for the reader to understand. There is a clear subject, verb, and object easily found and understandable all while making a bold statement.
Paragraphs that begin with a strong well written topic sentence that tie in the whole purpose of the paragraph make for well written and easy to read writing. The last paragraph on page 14 begins with an excellent example of a strong topic sentence. “We might also question whether there are meaningful non-violent alternatives as models for behavior modification in real prisons” (Haney, Banks, Zimbardo, page 14). This sentence does an excellent job setting the paragraph up, it grabs the reader’s attention and transitions into the topic of the paragraph
fluently.
Having a strong opening sentence can be the key to creating a well written paragraph, it can also be noted that having a powerful well written sentence at the end of a paragraph can have a similar effect. The section Pathology of Power has a weak start, but the final sentence compensates for the paragraphs poor beginning. “Many of the guards showed in their behavior and revealed in post-experimental statements that this sense of power was exhilarating” (Haney, et al., page 7). The final sentence brings the paragraph together leaving the reader with clear understanding. Although the beginning of the paragraph is confusing the final sentence redeems the entirety of the paragraph giving the reader a clear summarization of what was just read. Although the paper presents an interesting topic of study it is poorly written with many examples of unclear and unnecessary language found throughout. Albeit the confusing language used throughout it does successfully break down and discuss the study in an educational and thorough manner. Using the knowledge gained from the research done in the article can provide valuable information that can be used and applied to many instances in the real world. The United States prison population is rapidly increasing, creating severe issues that this article immediately addresses.