Teenage Trafficking Research Papers
2 out of ten. Needs a major rewrite.
CONCEPT: Teenage trafficking ring finds a new home in a Las Vegas brothel. Timely idea, but not executed properly. Needs to dig deeper into the teenage trafficking problem by more research on the subject.
LOGLINE: The owner of a locative Las Vegas brothel becomes involved with a teenage trafficking ring and needs find a way out before it kills her.
PLOT: The show opens up when a group of teenagers and migrant workers are burnt alive in a truck. From there the show sets up the life of a local Las Vegas brothel. The main characters are introduced as they go about their daily ives. Donna, the owner of the brothel, meets a powerful gangster at a fun raising golf outing where he suggests that they go into
business. She refuses and angers the gangster. When a high powerful senator dies from a heartache in her place of business, she must find help from the gangster to help survive the scandal. The gangster disposes of the body. He makes it look a car accident. Now Donna is indebted to this gangster and must house teenagers until he see’s fit that the debt is repaid in full. While this all happening the FBI is surveilling Donna and interviewing her employees. In a final act of panic, Donna shoots Madison in the head to keep the FBI from learning the truth to what really happened to the senator.
CHARACTERS: Glamours, glitzy characters with no heart, wants or needs.
DIALOGUE: Too much and too much on the nose. None of the characters have a unique voice.
PACE: Slow due to lack of action. Character’s never act or make important decisions to quicken the pace or add conflict to the action
SETTING: Las Vegas
TONE / SHOOTING STYLE: Dark crime drama.
APPEAL: To an audience that enjoys crime drama.
ESTIMATED MINIMUM BUDGET: Could be a cheap series to shot if keep to minimal locations.
SUGGESTED CASTING OPTIONS:
READER COMMENTS: The script is 20 pages too long. When I write a television script, it should be no longer than 55 pages. None of the act breaks ends on a cliff hanger. That’s important to keep the audience from flipping to a different TV channel. The teaser scene has nothing to do with the overall storyline. I believe the writer has a lack of understanding how to structure a television pilot. Technically the first scene should be considered a cold open. Nothing really changes for the character’s until page 55. Everything before that is filler and drags down the story to a halt. The story should start when the corrupt senator dies of a heartache or when Donna shoots Madison in the head. Also, the FBI character’s are not introduced until the end of the first act or beginning of the second act. A television show needs a catalyst to propel the show into multiply seasons. I don’t see this having any legs to survive five years. There are to many characters to keep tract of and to make any kind of connection. I did like to teaser, but after the first few pages, the audience would change to a different show. To properly analyze this television pilot, a reader should have availably a show bible. A show bible has a show synopsis, episode loglines, standing set description, character descriptions and five years of season arcs. Besides that, the writer doesn’t have the proper training in writing a compelling television show. The structure of this pilot is poorly developed.
OTHER POTENTIAL MEDIA WHERE THIS THEME COULD BE EXPLOITED
TV SERIES: Yes, but it needs an overhaul of concept and storyline.
CONCEPT: Teenage trafficking ring finds a new home in a Las Vegas brothel. Timely idea, but not executed properly. Needs to dig deeper into the teenage trafficking problem by more research on the subject.
LOGLINE: The owner of a locative Las Vegas brothel becomes involved with a teenage trafficking ring and needs find a way out before it kills her.
PLOT: The show opens up when a group of teenagers and migrant workers are burnt alive in a truck. From there the show sets up the life of a local Las Vegas brothel. The main characters are introduced as they go about their daily ives. Donna, the owner of the brothel, meets a powerful gangster at a fun raising golf outing where he suggests that they go into
business. She refuses and angers the gangster. When a high powerful senator dies from a heartache in her place of business, she must find help from the gangster to help survive the scandal. The gangster disposes of the body. He makes it look a car accident. Now Donna is indebted to this gangster and must house teenagers until he see’s fit that the debt is repaid in full. While this all happening the FBI is surveilling Donna and interviewing her employees. In a final act of panic, Donna shoots Madison in the head to keep the FBI from learning the truth to what really happened to the senator.
CHARACTERS: Glamours, glitzy characters with no heart, wants or needs.
DIALOGUE: Too much and too much on the nose. None of the characters have a unique voice.
PACE: Slow due to lack of action. Character’s never act or make important decisions to quicken the pace or add conflict to the action
SETTING: Las Vegas
TONE / SHOOTING STYLE: Dark crime drama.
APPEAL: To an audience that enjoys crime drama.
ESTIMATED MINIMUM BUDGET: Could be a cheap series to shot if keep to minimal locations.
SUGGESTED CASTING OPTIONS:
READER COMMENTS: The script is 20 pages too long. When I write a television script, it should be no longer than 55 pages. None of the act breaks ends on a cliff hanger. That’s important to keep the audience from flipping to a different TV channel. The teaser scene has nothing to do with the overall storyline. I believe the writer has a lack of understanding how to structure a television pilot. Technically the first scene should be considered a cold open. Nothing really changes for the character’s until page 55. Everything before that is filler and drags down the story to a halt. The story should start when the corrupt senator dies of a heartache or when Donna shoots Madison in the head. Also, the FBI character’s are not introduced until the end of the first act or beginning of the second act. A television show needs a catalyst to propel the show into multiply seasons. I don’t see this having any legs to survive five years. There are to many characters to keep tract of and to make any kind of connection. I did like to teaser, but after the first few pages, the audience would change to a different show. To properly analyze this television pilot, a reader should have availably a show bible. A show bible has a show synopsis, episode loglines, standing set description, character descriptions and five years of season arcs. Besides that, the writer doesn’t have the proper training in writing a compelling television show. The structure of this pilot is poorly developed.
OTHER POTENTIAL MEDIA WHERE THIS THEME COULD BE EXPLOITED
TV SERIES: Yes, but it needs an overhaul of concept and storyline.