The Paradox Of Belonging Analysis

We gain more from belonging to a group than we lose
Everyone needs to belong to a certain group as it helps to develop a sense of “us” and “them” that helps to define who and what we are. The interaction between people within the group makes us to feel acceptance, satisfaction and recognition of our own personal values. However, as the fear of rejection and disparity are often associated, sometimes we must sacrifice in order to belong. This may result of a trapped individuality and we behave in a different way that is contrary to our “true selves”. The paradox of belonging hence makes both positive and negative impacts on our selves. In order to define our identities, one must find a balance to live between these two.

In Abraham Maslow’s
hierarchy of needs, it outlines the importance for an individual to belong.
In starts with the basic human physiological needs such as shelter, food and water resources. Then the needs of safety and security, and follow after that is the need to belong, be loved, connected and accepted by others. For this reason, the sense of belonging established since the existence of human being, where human hunted and lived in groups. By working together, it made hunting more successful and avoided the potential danger of predators. Even in now day’s society, we still feel the needs to belong and to fit into a group. When I came to Australia from a foreign country, where the cultural background is utterly different, I felt the strong urge to make friends so I can become a part of their groups. When I discovered that I could not fit into the “white group”, I turned to become friends with some of the Chinese oversea students, where I was able to talk and felt comfortable with because I am also Chinese. Even now, most of my friends are Asian and my best friends
are all Chinese. Therefore, individuals are who they are because of the group they belong to. Apart from that, groups are generally not found but made. It does not occur naturally, but rather formed when certain individuals believing in the same concepts are gathered together. In my case, the “Chinese group” was formed because we all share the same experience of leaving our motherland to come to Australia. Similarly, in the film “witness”, the Amish group was formed because they all believe the sacred “Ordnung” and the police group because of their rule in maintaining orders in the modern society. Consequently, since everyone needs to belong, the specific group that we choose will help in defining and identifying who we are.

Belonging to a group helps us to understand who and what we are by knowing what and who we are not.
In Witness, there are many indications that John Book does not belong to the Amish group. He drinks the lemonade by gulping it down quickly and spilling on his neck and shirt whereas Daniel, the Amish man, takes little sips at a time. The difference in behaviours strongly highlights the contrast of cultural backgrounds in these two men, and stresses the point that John Book does not fit into the Amish society. And clearly, John himself realizes this as ultimately he chose to go back to his own world, “where he longs”. When I first came to Australia, I also recognized the fact that I did not belong to the white group because we look differently, we speak differently and we behave differently, therefore, I chose to join the Chinese group where everyone else is same as me and I do not feel left out. Other than that, belong to a group also satisfy our position in the group as we often have to put individual needs second and put the needs of the group ahead of our own interest. As a result, we tend to move from “me” to “us”. In the film, the Amish refer themselves as “ours”. In the ice cream scene, Eli says, “this is not our way,” while John Boo said, “but it is myway.” The careful selection of pronouns implies and shows the unity of the group and individuality by contrasting between the Amish group and John Book. Furthermore, belonging to a group also helps to create one’s sense
of value and worth as everyone works in a team. At school, I am a Science Captain, where I have to conduct fortnightly meetings with all the science reps in the school. Such experience has made me gain confident with myself as everyone works in a team. Similarly, in Witness, during the barn building, everyone works together, and even young children are there to help out. This creates a sense of unity, and everyone contributes in their own parts to build the house, and as we can see, belonging brings joy and peace in people who belong to a group.

However, in many cases, we must sacrifice a certain part of ourselves in order to belong to a group as the fear of rejection may discourage people to be their true selves. There are times when you wish to say something but yet afraid to say it because it would hurt other people’s feeling. There are times when you want to reject your best friend’s offer but yet you didn’t because you are afraid of she won’t be your friend anymore. Thus this fear of isolation tends to trap individuality and often we behave differently than we think. In witness, Rachel’s affection for John Book is held back because she is afraid that she would be “shunned” from her group and she would not be able to sit with her family in a dinner table. She faces a choice between her love for John and her place within her community. In the end, she stands on the verandah with her bonnet and she turns back into the house, facing away from John suggests that she decides to stay with her group. She chooses to be with the Amish community than to be with John Book to a world where she doesn’t belong. Therefore, there are often conflicts and contradictions between our true selves and our desire to belong and generally, we would give up part of our own identity to be accepted by the group.

Being a part of a group helps to define who we are as it creates a sense of value and attachment to the people whom we share similar experience with. It prevents the individuals from loneness and despair and the type of groups that we choose to belong to also helps to shape our own sense of self. Nevertheless, in belonging, we also lose a certain part of ourselves so that we can fit in. Thus belonging is a paradox in which we both gain and lose from belonging to a group, and our true identity lies within the balance between.