someone else’s. He always wondered if she was virgin. He wanted her to love him as much as he loved her. Beginning of the story, he was weird meaning he always wondered weird things about her. For example, “He would sometimes taste the envelope flaps, knowing her tongue had been there.” (Tom O’Brien 484) This example proves how weird Jimmy can be. He knew that, Martha would place her tongue in the letter to close the cover so, he can taste her saliva or feel her. Sometimes, he thought she loved him back by saying the word “love” in the letters. However, mentioning the word “love” does not mean it was meant like real love between two people. Because he was thinking of her all the time, he became more careless during the war. He did not want to be in the war bet he had no choice. In the story it says, “He was just a kid at war, in love. He was twenty-two years old. He could not help it.” He did not want to be a soldier. However, who would blame him, it was the age for love. Sometimes he, himself started to think about his love to be distracted from the war and also wanted to be avoided by others. Sometimes, he would pretend he did not hear his men and sometimes he would give instructions to other angrily. During the war, when Jimmy Cross started to think about Martha and could not control himself from thinking, then he started to be distracted by thinking of Martha. He went on and off to his imaginary world from the real war. All he was doing was thinking about him spending time with Martha in his imagination. He could not pay attention on the war. For example, “Yet he could not bring himself to worry about matters of security.”(Tim O’Brien 489) In other words, all he was cared that time was his love for Martha. He was distracted by missing her badly that, he could not think about his and other soldiers' safety on the war. He went to his imagination again, again and over again. The distraction stopped until one of the soldiers died during the war who was Ted Lavender. He was shot from back in his head during peeing. The story says, “He had loved Martha more than his men, and as a consequences Lavender was now dead, and this was something he would have to carry like a stone in his stomach for the rest of the war.’’(Tim O’Brien 492). During the whole war, every soldier has to carry something for the war, but for him he has to carry all the guilt, blame and regret of Lavender’s death. He started to realize what he was doing was his stupidity. He cared about his love more than his man and the war he was on. He had his men with him from beginning the war and they were together to look after each other. Martha was not there with Jimmy during the war, neither she mentioned about it nor she said good luck to him in the letter. So, what kind of love is that where for own love, someone else has to die. He started to regret for being careless and selfish which is why his men died. Otherwise, he would be alive with him. He started to regret the fact he loved a girl named Martha. He wanted to become a real soldier who cares about others before caring about oneself, who fight for others rather than oneself, wanted to be a real leader who can teach and show righteous to his followers. In the other hand, Lieutenant Jimmy Cross's love for Martha was beneficial during the Vietnam war.
Jimmy was not ready for war because he was too young to attend at war. It is hard for a soldier to see the pain of others especially in a war. People die in a war, get injured, get wounded and it is a huge thing to handle which Jimmy was not ready for. He always, was wondering about Martha which kept him away to feel the actual war and helped him to keep his mind off from the war. In the text it says, “On occasion he would yell at his men to spread out the column, to keep their eyes open, but then he would slip away into daydreams, just pretending, walking barefoot along the Jersey shore.” (Tom O’Brien 488) In other words, once he starts thinking of her, it becomes difficult to stop that he goes deep into his imagination which take his mind off from the war. He even feels annoy to be in the war, which is why he sometimes becomes irritated to be disturbed by the war which distract him to stop thinking about the daydreams he was
having. Ted Lavender’s death proved that loving Martha was a mistake for Jimmy Cross. Loving her did not give him anything rather than destroying him. Loving her might benefited him taking his mind off from the war however, it is a negative benefit which he had. He came to war to fight not to go away, he came to war to fight for others and for his own country. It was one sided love which led Jimmy to his current position. If he did not love her from the beginning, then, he would not be careless, neither Lavender would die, nor Jimmy had to carry the pain, guilt and blame for the rest of the war. He became emotionless after the death of Lavender. He did not know what to feel and whatever he felt, there was a confusion in his feelings. From the text it says, “He realized it was only a gesture. Stupid, he thought. Sentimental too, but mostly just stupid. Lavender was dead. You couldn’t burn the blame.” (Tom O’Brien 495) In other words, he might have burned all the memories of Martha but he could not bring Lavender back in exchange. Neither he could not cross out all the remorse. In conclusion, I would say, it was a mistake to love Martha from the beginning of the story because not only he was affected by her also, him being affected also affected others in the war. Martha was only a distraction for him nothing else than that. He was distracted physically which was being careless, mentally which was being in his imagination, emotionally hurted by the death of Lavender. I think when something is beneficial, it has to be for everyone meaning make sure more people are being benefited by that thing. In this case Only Jimmy was getting happiness by thinking of Martha which he regretted later because it was a negative influence. However, if he did not love her from the beginning, it would have been beneficial for everyone. Neither Jimmy would have distracted by her, neither Lavender would die. It has proved that it was a mistake that Lieutenant Jimmy Cross made by loving Martha during the Vietnam war.