Unforgettable Day

Heart racing, breathing becomes more shallow, and all of my senses seem to suddenly become heightened to somewhat extraordinary levels. These are but a few symptoms of an adrenaline rush. Anyone of us can experience this during moments that scare or excite us. What if all of this was experienced during a life impacting moment? The only thing going through your mind, "Damn. I messed up this time." Where can you hide to when hiding would be morally and legally wrong? Only thing you can do is face the music and pray everything will be alright. The judges arrive and you sit in the middle, the guilty one because in this trial everything you say can and will be held against you. The wolves seek to devour the lamb, the pastor your savior, no where to be found.
I have always had something for speed, it helps mimic a true adrenaline rush. Although no where close, it is a tease that helps build an appetite for more. The craving for more, insatiable. Even when unnecessary, if there is an open road and I am behind the wheel, I will test the limits of any machine. The sound of the wind and the sound of an engine screaming to its limits, a divine symphony. Too much of a good thing almost always ends up deadly, I was too young and naive to acknowledge this life lesson that is preached to us from a young age. My care free attitude at the time didn't help much either.
It wasn't even that late at night, my mother just woke me up from my daily nap. I had a very lazy personality, my mother woke me up to go get milk for my niece. Why did I have to get it, she was perfectly capable of getting up and driving to the super market for a gallon. She mentioned she was hungry and I had to get her food. Now it was two for two, I'm only getting more aggravated. What I thought was going to be a quick 5 minute drive was turning into what seemed an epic adventure to conquest some holy relic from savages in a land far away. In reality I was not going to drive for more than 5 miles but you know how the youth is these days. I tried anything possible to get out of performing these tasks, but I failed.
"Oh by the way, get me my lotto!" That damn lotto my mother always played, the only reason why I drove a majority of the time was to play her numbers. As I got my shoes on and washed my face in an attempt to wake myself up something was different, I wasn't aware my life was going to change. I shrugged it off while trying to have someone come with me. Traveling alone was something I never liked, always felt I needed a witness incase of my own death, stupid morbid thoughts. I tried for someone to come with me, but failed at every attempt. Everyone lazy, but quick to demand for me to do something. Fine by me I get to drive the car and get to play speed racer in my own mind for the night.
The faster I go, the faster I'll get things done, makes sense right? Perfect sense, so I hop in my fathers 1997 Toyota Camry and off I go. Not the fastest car but being young and stupid it got the job done. The roads were more empty than usual, I didn't care I only wanted to go fast and get home faster. Stop signs, didn't care for them. Traffic lights, they're only lights and this was before the red light cameras. Speed limits? You really think a sign was going to slow me down? Just me, the road, and the rush. I arrive to my first destination. A nice little break between my run even though I was still dying to get home very soon. Paid for the food and off to part 2 of my adventure.

Now time to drive to the other side of town, so close but yet so far away. Kill two birds with one stone, get the lotto and milk from the same spot. Going more than double the limit, hitting triple digits on the dash only because I can. The sign said 40 MPH, I would give it the finger when I flew past it. Not care in the world for my own life or for anyone else's, I only cared about my soft warm bed. I still don't know how I could have done this without a single police officer pull me over, but the life changing event was meant to happen. It was preplanned, everything worked together for a lesson that I had to learn the hard way. If only I could have listened to my parents.
I arrive at my second destination, a drive thru mini mart notorious for selling tobacco and alcohol to underage kids. Always at the window was some new and different middle eastern or indian man who always gave me an attitude but more than friendly to my mother. I hated all of them, I don't know why but it was a tradeoff. Deal with some stupid foreigner so I wouldn't have to get out of my car, lazy american stereotype at its finest. They always loved to try to start a conversation even though they would ask what I wanted with an attitude. My precious time being wasted, this guy didn't care he was going to be up all night working. Once he handed over the lotto and milk I threw him the money and drove off before he could even count it. Finally, the home stretch.
Pedal to the metal, RPMs going higher, shifting gears like a professional racer. Just a little more I though, you're almost there. Thoughts are thoughts though, far from reality, but can a thought be a vision of reality? Bright as day, I saw in my mind a car accident, my fault because i couldn't slow down. Like i said, thoughts are thoughts so I ignored the vision. Once I hit 110, I left off the gas, something was wrong terribly wrong. That gut feeling, still ignoring it, I can always let the car slow itself down. Then there it was, fate. Time to answer to it, time to learn something.
The car was in the oncoming turning lane, I saw him. I didn't think he was going to go but he did. Maybe he'll speed up, nope he didn't, he took his sweet time. Slam on the brakes, tires lock up and ABS starts kicking in. This can't be happening, I just got my license. Please speed up, drive faster, Im going too fast. If only he would have. I try steering away to avoid him, not happening. Brace for impact, 90 to 0 in faster than you can think. Nothing ran past my mind except for the "F" word. This was it, punishment for a night of reckless driving, it was fun before this. What will the outcome be? I had no clue.
I don't remember seeing the car while I hit it, all I remember is a loud bang. Airbags deployed, hot steam with some kind of powder in the air. My ears were ringing, I held onto that steering wheel for my dear life. The car kept sliding, I couldn't hear and things went from reality to dream like. My heart pounding, my breaths shallow, I was shaking. I was alive, I was in one piece. Nothing broken, I got out and ran to the other vehicle. My car slid easily another 25 meters after impact. I run over and just feel confused, still not able to hear, I see sadness. Life without sound is sickening, torture. To see agony and grief and not be able to confirm it is, I stood there just watching a father weep, his daughter loose self-control.
Only thing worse than silence is when the sound comes finally comes in. Shouting, crying, sirens, foreign words being shouted from a woman's mouth. She was more than sure she was going to die, her final prayer. All the while there I stood in one piece, unscratched. What came after to this day haunts me, in my dreams i see her but it causes a self conflict. A little girl, only 4 years old, bleeding. The news claimed she was ejected from the vehicle but i cant believe it she was still alive. Right side of her face bleeding, dripping blood her eye almost closed shut. I watched and felt no emotions. An innocent little girl almost lost her life, her vision, her family and I still felt nothing.
People begin to show up, a bunch of middle eastern people. All of them blaming me, one of them who i thought was my friend even told the officer i didn't have a driver license when I really did. I messed up, I know I did but they were after me now. They wanted me to be punished, luckily the legal system in the US protected me and the insurance took care of it. This could have been avoided if I wasn't speeding, if I thought about more than a warm bed. I could have been in a warm bed forever, six feet under.
The little girl, she haunts me. I think about my niece who is 4 now and pray to avoid something like that. The blood dripping, so vivid in my mind, a color no one can forget. The sound of her crying, resonating within my soul. Demons that follow closely at my heels that remind me I can be next, it can happen again. One demon tortures me the most, the demon that whispers, "Don't worry about it." I want to care and worry, but I don't. A life event so surreal it had to have been a dream. It wasn't and the news article is witness to it. If only it could be undone, but it was a lesson I learned in a very hard way. Whenever I get in a car i slow down even though I indulge in a speed rush, Im more picky of when and where I indulge in it. Forever I walk around unharmed, while a little girl walks wearing a scar I gave her.