What Is My Life End Up Like A Disaster?

“Que sera sera, whatever will be will be, the futures not ours to see, que sera sera”! How true is that? Who would have thought that my life would end up like a disaster?
It was 1964 when I was born in a north Indian family in a small South Indian city; Vijayawada. When I was a little girl I read a story; that there was a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and many people chase it, even I am chasing it since then not for the money but for a happy life but it is still elusive. An almost idyllic childhood, although we were from a mediocre family with minimal comforts there was loads of love and values imparted by my hardworking parents. I started reading at a very young age and actually lived the stories I read. If I was reading Cinderella
Now that both were working, I thought I could breathe a little easy when unexpectedly I was suffering from severe back pain, the prognosis was a herniated disc and I needed surgery to correct it. I took opinions of 6 doctors and the first doctor, I went to, performed a micro surgery and botched things up and instead of getting better I was worse. I was totally bedridden and within a month I went for another surgery. It was as if the devil was controlling my life and during the surgery, the anesthesia didn’t work. I felt the scalpel cut and slice my skin. I thought I was hallucinating due to the anesthesia, but the doctor started grinding the vertebrae or bone with a grinder which gave a grating sound just like the one workers use to cut tiles or marble. The pain was excruciating and it was far worse than what hell is made out to be. I knew when my open skin was sutured and then stapled as if I was a piece of cardboard. I lost my job and could not work full time as I was not supposed to strain my back. I didn't have any insurance and my savings account showed zero. Three years after my surgery I am still gathering the jagged ends of my life and trying to make a parachute out of it.
It is a curse to be a widow in Indian society. You are expected to stay single; dating is taboo, wear drab clothes and talk only when spoken to. All men in the family and in the workplace eye you like vultures and do not let go of any chance to make a pass at you. They think that you are desperate and would like to mingle because you are single. I have been raped by a young member of the family but I kept quiet as it would lead to their marriage breaking up. My ex-bosses have resorted to all kinds of ploys to get me into their beds. Yes, I am single but I am not