White Girl Monologue

I’ve been labeled several times as just a white girl by people who don’t really know me too well. I’ve been told that I “don’t really act like a mexican girl”,”I don’t sound spanish”,” or “you’re pale for a latina.” I am aware that yes, I am pale, I don’t speak spanish, and that I’m quiet or shy. I’m made aware of this whenever I visit my mom or my dad's families. One one side, i’m too white. On the other side, too dark. I’ll be the black sheep in a house full of blonde-blue eyed christians, or the white sheep in a house full of tan spanish speaking catholics. I’m just not the same.

Flashback to about 5 years ago on christmas at my mexican grandparent’s house. I was about 11 when I was watching some mexican movie with my cousins and eating pozole. I don’t remember too much, but I can remember I couldn’t understand what was going on in the film because everything was in spanish. My uncle Richard said something in spanish behind me. I could very clearly tell it was something bad about me. “What about me” I bravely asked, hoping it was actually about me. “Oh no, we were just talking about how you just look like that one girl from the Addams Family” “Wait, you mean the weird looking little girl??” “Yeah because you’re so pale and your hairline…” “What do
It wasn't really even that offensive, he only said that I was pale. But 5 years later and i’m still thinking about my complexion. Sometimes I just think maybe it’s one of those stereotypical “teenage girl self image” problems. Possibly one linked to my other self image issues. Other times I believe it’s a totally justified feeling towards my cultural identity- ya know, being called the wrong ethnicity and all. As much as i’d like to deny it, they’re right. I reject being white. I reject something that’s probably more than half of who I am. I hate this pale and- let’s face it, uncultured chunk of