Xacc 280 Week 8 Checkpoint

Welcome to WritePoint, the automated review system that recognizes errors most commonly made by university students in academic essays. The system embeds comments into your paper and suggests possible changes in grammar and style. Please evaluate each comment carefully to ensure that the suggested change is appropriate for your paper, but remember that your instructor's preferences for style and format prevail. You will also need to review your own citations and references since WritePoint capability in this area is limited. Please see the other helpful writing resources in the Tutorials and Guides section of the Center for Writing Excellence. Thank you for using WritePoint.

[NOTE: WritePoint comments are computer-generated writing and
grammar suggestions inviting the consideration and analysis of the writer, not infallible statements of right/wrong, and they should not be used as grading elements. Also, at present, WritePoint cannot detect quotations or block-quotes, so comments in those areas should be ignored.]

Dorthea Orem
Learning Team B
Nur/403 Theories and Models of Nursing Practice
April 11, 2010
Sandra Ulmer, RN, PHN, MSN

Traditionally in nursing there has been a lag between learning and practice. This resulted in the development of nursing theories, which guide our [Use "we," "us," or "our" to mean yourself and coauthors, not general humanity (or yourself and the reader)] clinical practice. Dorthea Orem is a woman who developed just such a theory and approach. Dorothea Orem devoted over 50 years ["Over" is used to describe something physically above something else (e.g., over the rainbow) or time (over a period of years); "more than" is used for amounts larger than something else (e.g., more than 50 years)] of her life to studying and coming up with a theory that not only help save many lives, but [For parallel construction, "not only" must be followed by "but also" later in the sentence] help nurses make better decisions when it came to taking care of the most simple yet essential part of anyone’s care; themselves. Born in Baltimore, Maryland in 1914, Dorothea Elizabeth Orem has devoted the majority of her nursing career and studies into developing a theory that helps those who cannot help themselves (Taylor, 2007). Known for her theory, her books and to her friends as a great [Clearer writing suggestion--"great" is an overworked word, too frequently seen, and too vague. It has too many meanings: huge, superior, numerous, etc. Besides "much," a "great deal" can mean an excellent transaction. Use a more specific adjective] leader in the nursing profession, Dorothea Orem has committed her life into developing the Self Care Deficit Nursing Theory [Do not capitalize the name of a theory unless it contains a proper noun (someone's name)] (SCDNT) that basically was “laying out the structure of nursing knowledge and explicating the domains of nursing knowledge” (Taylor, 2007, p. 22). Orem’s theory influenced many because health is based [The passive voice is a form of "be" (is) and a participle (based). Over-use of the passive voice can make paragraphs officious and tedious to read. Try to use the active voice most often, e.g., the student completed the paper on time. The passive voice version--The paper was completed on time by the student--See eCampus > Center for Writing Excellence > Tutorials & Guides > Grammar & Writing Guides > Active & passive voice] on the individuals need for self-action to maintain and manage health and recover from illness and disease, and cope with the effects (Berbiglia, 2006). In order to [Clear writing suggestion--the meaning will be the same (and less wordy) by removing "in order"] achieve optimal physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing an individual needs to be able to [Wordiness: Remove "be able to"; the sentence will read more smoothly without it] have some form of self-action in improving there over all [Try to eliminate "all" or "all of"; most often the meaning is the same without these words] health. Orem’s theory model is based [Passive voice] on three core concepts or theories. These three theories support that nursing is required [Passive voice] to assist patients in the performance of self-care; mature adults purposely seek to administer their survival, quality of life, and well-being; and nursing uses the nursing process to assist the patient in the management of their [Check pronoun agreement--if "their" refers to "patient" (or a singular subject), it should be singular, too (his or her)] self-care needs (Berbiglia, 2006). The basic premise of Orem’s model is easily adapted [Passive voice] to the acute care setting. In the acute setting, patients generally present with a condition or illness that requires education for him or her to have the necessary skills for self-care. Using Orem’s model, nurses first use the nursing process to gather information and diagnose the self-care deficits. Next, the nurse plans and prioritizes the actions needed to accomplish self-care and finally, the nurse evaluates the plan. This is a simplistic [Check spelling: "simplistic" means "oversimplified; missing something important"; "simple" means "uncomplicated, without elaborations"] approach to Orem’s model and can be expanded [Passive voice] on depending on the situation. Dorothy Odem felt [Clearer writing suggestion: if "feel" or "felt" is used in the sense of "to believe or think," it is a cliché and vague; use "believe" or "think"] that people had to take responsibility for their own actions related to their health.
According to her theory, self –care agency is a person’s ability to perform activities for oneself. The nurse then has to assist the patient’s needs by showing, teaching, and supporting. When assessing for patients needs, there are several universal self care categories. The first one is related [Passive voice] to life processes and the normal human functioning level. Activities of daily living are assessed. Is the patient getting [Doctoral rule (although good advice for any academic writer)--"getting" is informal English and can mean many things; in academic writing, use forms of "arrive at," "can," "could," "grows," "is able to," etc.] enough air, water, and food? [Unless in a quote, avoid rhetorical questions in academic writing] Care is addressed regarding the elimination process. Is the patient getting enough rest and activity? [Unless in a quote, avoid rhetorical questions in academic writing] Also [In academic writing, avoid starting a sentence with a conjunction ] , is the person safe in reference to well being? [Unless in a quote, avoid rhetorical questions in academic writing] The goal is to promote the best human function as possible. As stated before, the patient has to take control of his/her [This awkward construction is a shortcut appropriate in a legal document, but avoid using it in academic writing. Write it out] own actions, and be responsible for their own health (Current, 2010). As stated before, Orem defines health state as the person that [Possible error--If this word refers to a human being, people are never "that" or "which," they are "who"] is [Clearer writing suggestion--Remove "that is"] characterized [Passive voice] by soundness or wholeness of developed
human structures and of bodily and mentally functioning (Fawcett, 2005, p. 239). Dorothea Orem defends her position by defining health as “A state of physical, mental, and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity” (p. 184, cited in Foster & [If not in a company name or an in-text citation, do not use an ampersand in the text; spell out "and"] Bennett, 2001). Orem also sees health as a state of well-being, which refers to a person’s perceived condition of existence, characterized by experiences of contentment, pleasure, happiness, and movement toward self ideals and continuing personalization (Chinn & Kramer, 2004). Health state is how and individual values their well-being or state of illness or wellness. Orem also separated the term health state from illness, disease, or injury.
In describing Orem’s self-care theory, she believed the patient was responsible for their [his or her] own health. Meaning, each patient has to take into account their actions towards [The preferred spelling is "toward"] their [his or her] own health. Health care professionals also have to do their part to help the patient maintain a state of well being. Dorothea Orem has further [Check spelling--"farther" means actual physical distance; "further" is an abstract space, like in metaphors] expanded her definition of health to include the concept of preventive health care (Foster & Bennett, 2001). Whether it is preventive medicine such as annual check-ups and screenings, or being compliant with their medications or doctor’s recommendations, patients had to do their [his or her] part to take care of themselves. She viewed health as a goal of nursing. Dorothy Orem believed that the nurse held an important role in patient’s care. She followed a nursing process that was specific for each patient. The first step to her process was to assess the patient. She would determine why nursing is needed. [Passive voice] The factors that are addressed in her process are the following : the patients health status, the doctor’s perspective of the health status, patient’s ability to perform self care, their [his or her] requirement for self care, health goal including history of lifestyle , [Avoid leaving a space before a comma] and patients perspective of his/her [This awkward construction is a shortcut appropriate in a legal document, but avoid using it in academic writing. Write it out] health. After assessing the patient, a plan of nursing is developed based [Passive voice] on wholly compensatory, partly compensatory or [Check punctuation--insert a comma before this word if this is the last in a list of more than two--or if it begins a new clause] supportive educative. The goal is to have the patient do the best of their [his or her] ability and the nurse teach and help them [Check pronoun agreement--if "them" refers to "patient" (or a singular subject), it should be singular, too (him or her)] in areas that are needed. [Passive voice] The patient is to do the most they [Check pronoun agreement--if "they" refers to "patient" (or a singular subject), it should be singular, too (he or she) and perhaps require adjusting the following verb] are able for themselves [Check pronoun agreement--if "themselves" refers to "patient" (or a singular subject), it should be singular, too (him or herself)] , and the nurse is to be there to give assistance (Current, 2010).
Quoting from the website of, KU’s Unit I: Introduction to Theory Terminology, 2001- {Metaparadigm: “Represents the worldview of a discipline (the most global perspective that subsumes more specific views and approaches to the central concepts with which it is concerned). There is considerable agreement that Nursing’s’ metaparadigm consists of the central concepts of person, environment, health, and nursing.” [Move the period to follow the citation] (Powers & Knapp, 1990, p. 87).}
Dorothea Orem’s metaparadigm concept concerning environment and nursing are applied by ensuring that the Dorthea Orempatient’s surroundings are conducive to, his or her, progress toward health management, or wellness. The client’s environment has an affect on his or her ability to perform self-care activities. The nursing metaparadigm concept recognizes specially trained individuals that [Possible error--If this word refers to a human being, people are never "that" or "which," they are "who"] will help the client with actual [Cliché: "actual" and "actually" are weak words whose meaning is nothing more than "in point of fact." They are often used as intensifiers but usually can be deleted with no change in meaning ] or potential self-care deficits. [Move the period to follow the citation] (E. Bruce, et. al., 2006). Dorothea Orem continues to contribute to nursing education today. Mosby published a nursing education book, in January 2001, written by her. The book is titled, [Passive voice] Nursing Concepts of Practice, 6th edition. [Move the period to follow the citation] (Nurses.info, 2010).
Even though Dorothea Orem died in 2007, she continues to be a pioneer of leadership. Her theory is applied to nursing, education, and practice through her books, Nursing: Concepts of Practice, which has undergone six revisions, and created six editions, all written by Ms. [Avoid using salutatory titles] Orem’s. [Move the period to follow the citation] (P. Clark, et. al., 2009).

Reference:

Allison, V. Berbiglia, P. Clark, & S. Taylor. [Move the period to follow the citation] (2009). The impact of Dorothea E. Orem’s life and work: An interview with Orem scholars. Nursing Science Quarterly, 22(1), 41. doi: 1636195001 Nurses.info. [Move the period to follow the citation] (2010). Dorothea Orem. Retrieved April 9, 2010 from http://www.nurses.info/nursing_theory_person_orem_dorothea.htm

KU Unit I: Introduction to Theory and Knowledge Development. [Move the period to follow the citation] (2001). Terminology. Retrieved April 11, 2010 from http://www2.kumc.edu/instruction/nursing/nrsg750/unit1/term1.html

E. Bruce, C. Gagnon, N. Gendron, L. Puteris, & A. Tamblyn. [Move the period to follow the citation] (2006, October). Dorothea Orem’s theory of self-care [ PowerPoint slides]. Retrieved April 10, 2010 from http://www.slideshare.net/jben501/dorothea-orem-theory. Current. [Move the period to follow the citation] (2010). Nursing Theories. Retrieved from http://currentnursing.com/nursing_theory/self_care_deficit_theory.html

Meleis, A. [Move the period to follow the citation] (1980) Theoretical Nursing: Development and Progress. [Move the period to follow the citation] (4th ed). [Move the period to follow the citation] (pp. 396 [The abbreviation for "page" in an in-text citation is "p."] ) Philadelphia: Lippincott
Fawcett, J. [Move the period to follow the citation] (2005). Contemporary nursing knowledge: Analysis and evaluation of nursing models

and theories (2nd ed.). [Move the period to follow the citation] (pp.239 [Leave a space before the number] ). Philadelphia: F. A. Davis.

Foster, P.C., & Bennett, A. M. [Move the period to follow the citation] (2001). Self-care deficit nursing theory Dorothea E. Orem. In J.

B.George, Nursing theories: The base for professional nursing practice (pp. 184). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall.

Chinn, P. L., & Kramer, M. K. [Move the period to follow the citation] (2004). Integrated knowledge development in nursing (6th ed.).

St.Louis: Mosby. Taylor, S. [Move the period to follow the citation] (2007). The development of self-care deficit nursing theory: an historical analysis. Self-Care, Dependent-Care & Nursing, 15(1), 22-25. Retrieved from CINAHL Plus with Full Text database.
Berbiglia, V. [Move the period to follow the citation] (2006). Orem's self-care deficit nursing theory in practice. In M. R. Alligood & A. M. Tomey,Nursing [Leave a space after the comma] theory: Utilization & application (3rd ed., pp. 255-281). St. Louis, MO: Mosby Elsevier.