A Study of Interrational/Intercultural Marriages

It is difficult to agree someone when they say they know “culture differences” while them never meet anyone from other cultures or never leave the place they live until they finally get the chances to explore the differences. However, even when people have the chance to experience the exotic culture, they may still only see the most obvious and common differences. Only when people spend quantity of time to live with people from different cultures/races could learn and understand more of the cultural variances. Therefore, there is no other way to understand “culture difference” than having an interracial/intercultural marriage.

Definition of Interracial/Intercultural Marriages As people talking about learning, knowing, accepting and respecting different cultures and races, there is no deeper way to learn the “diversities” than living or forming a family together with people from different culture or ethnicity. Interracial/intercultural marriages refer to those marriages between people of different races, ethnicities, faith, culture and geographic regions- and they have become more common nowadays. Interracial marriages are not necessarily intercultural marriages, as in some countries, such as in the United States, people of different races can share the same or similar cultural backgrounds.
Interracial/intercultural marriages provide true opportunities for the couples and their families to learn mutual respect and acceptance. Different cultures or races have diverse moral, ethical and value foundations that influence individual, family and societal lifestyle. When these ground rules are going against the fundamentals of different cultural roots, as in intercultural marriages, problems, disagreement or conflicts oftentimes occur.

Interracial Marriages in United States
Interracial marriages has been fully legalized in all U.S. states since the 1967 Supreme Court decision that deemed anti-miscegenation laws unconstitutional in Virginia and 15 other states- even though many states already legalized interracial marriage at much earlier dates. The number of interracial marriages has soared ever since then.
Married Couple in United States in 2010 (thousands) White Wife Black Wife Asian Wife Other Wife
White Husband 50,410 168 529 487
Black Husband 390 4,072 39 66
Asian Husband 219 9 1,568 28
Other Husband 488 18 37 568
Source: U. S. Census Bureau

One important factor that increases the intermarriage rate is because many minorities/immigrants in Unites States now are here for the second or third generation- that means many interracial couples are actually grown up in similar background or environment. The surge of interracial/intercultural marriages and multiracial children is making America more diverse than ever, with the potential to become less stratified by race. According to the 2010 Census report, multiracial Americans numbered 9.0 million, or 2.9% of the total population, but 5.6% of the population under age 18.

Potential Pitfall and Challenges of Interracial/Intercultural Marriages Interracial/intercultural marriages have complications and challenges while such couples also face high divorce rates, therefore the relationships need extra attention. Nevertheless, there are challenges and difficulties in any marriage whether the couple is interracial or not, but there have been some common troubles that interracial/intercultural couples have identified in their marriages. Some of the common challenges including values, life style, religion, eating habits, sex, gender roles, friends, families (especially in-laws), and raising children. Some of these issues may overlap, but there are still certain distinctions between each other. In general, these potential challenges may have greater degree of influence to interracial/intercultural couples than the normal marriages.
Values: The first challenge the mixed couples would face is the different value in many things. Values may vary from races, cultural background, religions and many other factors. Even couples from the same racial group and background may have different value standards, not to mention couples from different racial groups or culture background are more likely to have total different value systems. Value differences can cause misunderstandings, conflicts, disagreements, and arguments between the couple, which may lead to many struggles in their relationship. Therefore, in order to overcome value differences, interracial/intercultural couples have to pay more attention to the differences and learn how to accept, compromise or tolerant their parties. Communication and negotiation is important to ease the value differences. An open-mind helps when there are more differences in their value systems.
Life Styles and Religions: Different life styles are also troublesome to interracial/intercultural couples. For some mixed marriages, the new life style is extreme critical and harsh in their relationships especially when one of them need to move to a different country. A new foreign language and environment, different culture and customs, separation from family, and misunderstandings with in-laws and new friends can be overwhelming and cause many fights to the couples. In addition, if the couple has different religion/faith, they will also encounter some divergence decisions regarding to religious observances, holiday celebrations, dietary restrictions, and even in what religion to raise their children.
Eating Habits/Behaviors: Eating habits also become a problem to many mixed couples. The problems are not only what ingredients of the meal consumed, but also how the meal is prepared, what time to serve, where to eat, and how to eat. For example, a mixed couple with Caucasian American and Asian immigrants may find out they have very different opinions upon choosing their dinner. Husband may find the wife like “ disgusting food” while the wife think the husband only eat “unhealthy food”. In addition, in some cultures, mealtime is also family time that requires table manners. If a couple have different eating customs, eating can become a form of pitfall in the relationship.
Gender Roles: In many western cultures, the boundaries of gender roles are blurring in the past decades- women now have more equality as men. People seem not to put too much emphasis on gender roles anymore. However, in some other eastern cultures, gender roles are still prevalent with clear family structure. An Asian woman may not want her husband to become a stay-home dad while an Asian husband may not wish his wife to have better job than he does. Moreover, in some cultures and religions, gender roles have strong and clear definition- females are considered as belongings of their husbands and should stay home taking care the family. Gender roles issues are just like traditions and values that cannot be easily changed in one day- they needs a lot of communications and listening to understand each other and find a balance between the interracial/intercultural marriages.
Children Rearing: Conflicts often occur over child raising issues. Mixed couples are shocked when they become parents and realize that they have very different perceptions of how to raise and educate their kids. Parents from interracial/intercultural marriages usually face the dilemmas such as different raising methods, teaching and learning philosophy, expectation and discipline techniques. Furthermore, the parents may also need to decide if they want to raise and create a suitable learning environment for bilingual kids. The parents also need to find a balance in teaching manners, appropriate behavior and racial identity since these can be very culturally derived. Differences in child-rearing theories can break a relationship so the couples need to be open-minded and respectful to their spouse- they both love their kids and wish them the best.
In-Laws and Friends: Family value is very different between western and eastern cultures. In western culture, a family may send their elder relatives to the nursing home while eastern family thinks having elder family member living with them is a blessing. In some cultures, parents believe their children are owners of their life and respect their decisions. However, in other cultures parents hold the belief that children owe them eternal respect and gratitude therefore they have the authority over their children and the spouse of the kids. This patriarchal authority can sometimes become serious between couples that increase the disharmony in the family. Couples need to take into consideration the pros and cons of being along or away from the in-laws before they make the moving decision. Relationships with friends can be also critical in the interracial/intercultural marriages. The boundaries among friends may vary from different cultures, therefore, the couple have to understand each other’s standards and boundaries to avoid potential arguments.
Conclusion
Interracial/intercultural marriage requires more than just getting along with each other. It needs both partners to be open, flexible, and good-natured about the unexpected situation in their daily life. They have to learn to understand the differences of each other’s culture background and show respect to each other. Sometimes the societies may put some pressure on the interracial/intercultural relationship; therefore, the couple also needs to know how to deal with those eyes and keep positive attitudes. Communication and negotiation is extremely important to keep the intercultural relationships- every good communication can make them understand more about their partners. Tolerant and compromise are efficient ways to show your respect to the differences. Finding a great balance between the relationship and the extended families can also increase the harmony of the marriage. After all, it needs a lot of efforts and attention to keep the relationship.

Reference:
Interracial Marriages, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interracial_marriage
Interracial marriage in the United States, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interracial_marriage_in_the_United_States

David Crary, Associated Press, Interracial marriages surge across U.S, USA Today, April 12, 2007, http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2007-04-12-interracial-marriage_N.htm

“Married Couple Family Groups, by Presence of Own Children In Specific Age Groups, and Age, Earnings, Education, and Race and Hispanic Origin of Both Spouses: 2010 (thousands)". U. S. Census Bureau
Rebecca R. Kahlenberg, The I Do's and Don'ts of Intercultural Marriage, Washington Post, http://www.interfaithfamily.com/relationships/marriage_and_relationships/The_I_Dos_and_Donts_of_Intercultural_Marriage.shtml Gender Roles, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_role