Abusing A Jj
1. Identify and describe three strengths in this draft?
Your story had a great beginning. You set things up very well with reasons why AJ and his mother had to leave and go undercover from abusive ex. You pick a great theme for your story. It really hard one to write about, especially domestic violence, but you did it very well.
2. Identify and describe three weaknesses in this draft?
Your story has such a great start, but feels like there is so much more to your story. We know ‘Elizabeth” on the run with her son because of her abusive husband or boyfriend, but what made her go to hiding. Was he after her? Was he trying to get custody of A.J.? or was the father also abusing A.J. I would have love if you had elaborated on the Aunt and why
she was estranged from the family. I think this storyline would add to the overall success of your story. You had a couple of grammatical errors, but nothing major that couldn’t be fixed with proofreading.
3. How does this draft meet the requirements of the assignment? If not, what is it missing?
Your story flowed nicely from beginning to end. If you add the elements that I mention above would really add a nice touch to your story.
4. What should be revised in this writing? Why?
Really look into developing your characters, especially the Aunt. I think there is a real good story hiding in that plot. Develop the mom and son character also, so we can feel for those characters along with you.
5. After reading, I was left wondering………
Why was mom estranged from her sister? Why was the police so awe of “Elizabeth”. What happens with Aunt and “Elizabeth” when they were finally able to sit down and talk with each other. Thank you so much for allowing me to read your story, I enjoyed it very much.
Your story had a great beginning. You set things up very well with reasons why AJ and his mother had to leave and go undercover from abusive ex. You pick a great theme for your story. It really hard one to write about, especially domestic violence, but you did it very well.
2. Identify and describe three weaknesses in this draft?
Your story has such a great start, but feels like there is so much more to your story. We know ‘Elizabeth” on the run with her son because of her abusive husband or boyfriend, but what made her go to hiding. Was he after her? Was he trying to get custody of A.J.? or was the father also abusing A.J. I would have love if you had elaborated on the Aunt and why
she was estranged from the family. I think this storyline would add to the overall success of your story. You had a couple of grammatical errors, but nothing major that couldn’t be fixed with proofreading.
3. How does this draft meet the requirements of the assignment? If not, what is it missing?
Your story flowed nicely from beginning to end. If you add the elements that I mention above would really add a nice touch to your story.
4. What should be revised in this writing? Why?
Really look into developing your characters, especially the Aunt. I think there is a real good story hiding in that plot. Develop the mom and son character also, so we can feel for those characters along with you.
5. After reading, I was left wondering………
Why was mom estranged from her sister? Why was the police so awe of “Elizabeth”. What happens with Aunt and “Elizabeth” when they were finally able to sit down and talk with each other. Thank you so much for allowing me to read your story, I enjoyed it very much.