March 1, 2013
My Sweet Alcohol Paper
Boone’s Farm is Pretty Good Alcohol seems like a cornerstone piece of the college experience. As a college student, it would seem that alcohol would become a part of my life. While I often drank in high school, living independently makes it much easier to partake in alcoholic activities. I think I drink because it is such a social lubricant. What better way to easily talk to the female gender and vigorously bump against each other with loud music in the background (this is basically an image of me at every party I’ve ever attended), than with a little bit of alcohol in your system. I also can’t wait to tell my children my college stories when they become of age. My drunk stories are much better than my sober stories. Such as the time I went to my friends birthday party in a skirt, proceeded to singlehandedly attempt to finish a keg, leave and throw up all the way down the street on the way back to campus, pass out in the COG, come back to DeSmet and realize its only 6, take a nap, wake up and go to a party under the alias Josh DiBernardo (a high school senior considering playing on the baseball team), and then capping the night by getting carried home by my buddies. That definitely beats my sober stories of being in the library for hours studying for a stupid Business Law test that probably will have no effect on my life outside of class. Also my tweets are exponentially better when I’m drunk and Twitter is basically my life. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve been approached by girls saying, “Oh my goodness are you Jody Highroller from Twitter? You are so funny and dreamy and muscular. I love you.” Sometimes its hard being a Twitter superstar, but I guess that’s just the life I chose to live. I don’t think drinking really affects my life as a student at this time. It definitely did at the beginning of freshman year when I had a competition on who could drink the most days in a row when we first got here. That was pretty harmful to my scholarly lifestyle, but I got it all out of my system so I think I’m good now, good thing I lost. I usually save my drinking for the weekends so it never interferes with the reason I’m actually at school, which is to become the greatest accountant the world has ever seen. My personal relationships aren’t really affected by alcohol. I really enjoy the people I hang out with even without adult beverages. Its not like I hang out with people because they drink. One of my best friends in high school didn’t drink throughout high school and that didn’t stop him from being in my wolf pack (this is Joe, but now he’s an alcoholic. Seriously, tell him to write this essay too). I did meet a lot of people who now are some of my best friends while I was drunk at school, but I think that’s just how college is. Maybe I wouldn’t have met them if I didn’t drink, so shouts out to alcohol for making me cool (just kidding). But on a serious note, I drink alcohol with my friends because I have a good time doing it. If there is a person who drinks alcohol just to look cool then that sucks for them. Do something you enjoy, follow your dreams, build an aquarium. I just really enjoy how ridiculous and entertaining it is to recap a night with your friends after drinking. Also it’s really funny to me when I meet someone drunk at a party and then awkwardly see them all the time around campus when I’m sober. Then we make eye contact and look uncomfortably at each other. I don’t know where I could get this feeling somewhere else without alcohol. I also got my highest score in bowling when I was drunk. I bowled a 200 on my birthday. That is absurd. I don’t think I’ve ever even bowled in the triple digits before. But I did complete this feat when I was drunk, and now it might be #1 on my ESPN Top Ten plays of Nick’s life. With no bumpers too! I think that my binge drinking and alcoholic lifestyle (just kidding) will actually help me in my life outside of graduating. I know a big part of businesses is going to bars with your coworkers and they want to hire people that they generally get along with. I know a guy who graduated that tells me he is always at the bars with the people he works with and that was a part of the hiring process for him. If I become comfortable with drinking now, I won’t make a drunken fool of myself in front of my colleagues in years to come. Also I can get adjusted to the taste of beer and won’t have to embarrassingly order an apple martini at the bar after work (Joe will probably do this). Another thing is that I’ve done some extensive research into the business world by viewing Mad Men and they drink like a gallon of scotch a day, so I’ve got some work ahead of me before I graduate (Don Draper is the man I want to become, minus the cheating on his wife. January Jones is such a babe! What is he thinking?! I’m only on the first season so other things might happen). Alcohol is an important, yet it is not necessary to college life. If I start to see negative effects from drinking, then I will probably stop. I seriously had a great time writing this paper.