Alcoholic Family Research Paper
Alcoholism Affects The Entire Family
When one thinks of alcoholism, we initially think of the alcoholic. We think of the tragic consequences of alcohol abuse on the abuser, his community, and society. What isn’t always apparent, however, is how alcoholism affects the entire family. In this paper I will illustrate how families in alcoholic homes are sick and need recovery as well. It’s easy to blame our problems on the alcoholic, unfortunately, growing up with an alcoholic forces the family to change in order to accommodate the chaos caused by the drinker.
What is normal? Normal is a nebulous term at best. Claudia Black discusses the clearest indicator of a “…smoothly working family is consistency.” (1) On the contrary, “…living in the alcoholic home…inconsistency and unpredictability are considered normal.” (2) While some alcoholics have less of an effect on the family unit, “Steinglass makes a distinction between alcoholic families, in which the family is organized by the alcoholism and the members’ reaction to it, and families with alcoholism, which have a sick member whose illness causes distortions, but does not dominate family life.”(3) …show more content…
In Family Sollutions for Substance Abuse, Clinical and Counseling Approaches McCullum etal describe the common patterns of family functioning consisting of Rules, Roles, Communication, Proximity, and Boundaries, and Hierarchy: 1.
Rules-“All families operate according to a recognizable set of principles …” 2. Roles- “…a universal aspect of family operation, defining each member’s function in the family” 3. Communication-“Family members perpetuate rules and roles by communicating their intentions and needs through a variety of means, both verbal and non
verbal.” 4. Proximity Closeness and distance relationships’ are established and constrained by the family’s patterns of communication. 5. Boundaries and hierarchy. Some family members display appreciation of one another as distinct beings and respect one anothers rights (4)
In an alcoholic family the rules are vague, mainly, “act like everything is normal”, and “don’t speak of mom or dads alcoholism. As black explains “Members in this family system act and react in a manner that makes life easier and less painful however, emotions are repressed and become twisted.” (5) Black also describes the roles annotated above which families in alcoholic households adopt in order to cope.
These roles, according to Black, can be categorized as: * The Resoponsible Child * The Adjuster * The Placater * The Acting Out Child (6)
Are these roles set in stone? Levin etal reply to this question with “…most COA’s (children on alcoholics) do not fit neatly into one specific role, and many manifest behaviors of more than one role.” (7) The Responsible Child, according to Black, is most often the oldest child. (8)
“This is the nine year old going on thirty. The seven year old putting mom to bed.” Or the “…12 year old driving dad home from the bar, because he’s too drunk.”(9)
The responsible child may do all of the cooking and household chores. The responsible child feels they must take control of family life to substitute for the lack of control they feel with their unpredictable parents. These children look great on the outside, taking charge of school clubs, becoming captains of sports teams, even becoming class presidents. Later on in life the Responsible Child may become a supervisor or manager, often a workaholic. He can be very giving, and might end up doing everyone’s job for him or her. Inside the Responsible child is restless, irritable and discontent, running from his pain by staying busy: carrying the world on his shoulders. Next is the middle child who acts as the Adjuster. The Adjuster does not find it necessary to be responsible for himself or others. “ For him it is easy to simply follow directions, handle whatever has to be handled, and adjust to the circumstances of the day.” (10) The Adjuster feels like that by acting as if nothing is wrong they can disappear within the woodwork oblivious to the conflicts and emotions at home. This behavior is less painful for these children (at the time anyway) and easier on the rest of the family as well. The Adjuster is more of a C student. He may participate in a school activity, and he may not. He’s not necessarily unpopular, usually on the sidelines remaining unmemorable. When the
Adjuster grows up, if left untreated, he may fall into a job that seems safe and ok, which may in fact be far below his skill level or intelligence.
The third common pattern in the chaotic alcoholic home is the role of Placater. As per Black: “
“This is the family social worker. The placater finds the best way to cope in the inconsistent and tension-filled home is by acting in a way that will lessen his own tension and pain as well as that of the others.” (11).
It is the Placater who often tries to make others in the home feel better, as if he is responsible for whatever pain the family is experiencing. The Placater is a great listener, taking away moms sadness, brother’s fear, sister’s embarrassment and dads anger. Placater children grow up to be great counselors due to their heightened empathy and listening skills. Untreated, the Placater child can become dangerously codependent, attracted to people they can “fix”. It is necessary that the placater lose there self in someone else to avoid the pain of growing up with a parent or parents who neglected their duties as loving care givers. Parents tend to feel successful in bringing up such responsible, caring and resourceful children. These survival mechanisms which, outwardly, give the children locked in these roles, or combination there of, the appearance of looking good, often lead to unhealthy extremes. These behaviors, if gone unchecked, often result in emotional psychological deficits. The American Counseling Association states that: “Children of alcoholics are four times more likely than non COA’s to develop alcoholism.”(12) The ACA also says “COA’s are at a risk for behavioral problems and tend to be aggressive and impulsive.”(13) As these children grow up they become workaholics, marry alcoholics and addicts, or become one them self. Needles to say they will have a large number of problems later on. This brings us to our final category in the alcoholic family; the role of the Acting Out Child (AOC). According to Black “The AOC displays delinquent problematic behavior. Their behavior more adequately typifies the true state of the family.” (14) These children take attention away from the drinking or drugging parent by getting in trouble in school, doing drugs as a preteen, dropping out of school, getting pregnant at a young age, running away from home, being sent to juvenal hall, or jail, and being admitted to psychiatric hospitals. The child of the alcoholic or addict only knows extremes. Like his parents, everything is black or white, no greys. These children grow into adults addicted to drama and the people who make it. They feel uncomfortable later in life with peace and serenity. This is why COA’s gravitate toward practicing alcoholics or addicts. Their parents may have been alcoholics, and they leave home only to meet someone who is a compulsive gambler, overeater, or workaholic. This fools the young man or woman into believing they have found someone different than their folks, when in fact they have merely found someone with a different addiction. In this paper I have illustrated how families in alcoholic homes are sick and need recovery as well. It is a misconception that the alcoholic is the problem. Alcoholism is a disease and effects the whole family. The same 12 steps that have saved countless alcoholics from the disastrous effects of alcoholism have helped as many family members from the insanity of living in an alcoholic home. There is the Al -Anon family of groups including Al-Ateen for teen and preteenagers, as well as ACOA-adult children of alcoholics. In his book Chemical Dependency Counseling Perkinson strongly suggests “The family members should be immediately encouraged to begin attending Al-Anon meetings. The best place to feel understood is with people who are in recovery.” (15) Al-Anon has it’s critics including Phills Hobe-
“Children of alcoholics she met would be better off learning improved coping skills than undergoing the ritualistic self-labeling that Al-Anon encourages. If you want to participate in a group, make sure it is one that will help you with problem solving and support you in your efforts to change, not one that focuses on long-ago conflicts and insists that you fit yourself into a preset mold.”
Fitting oneself into a “preset mold” as Hobe remarks to Al-Anon, is precisely what the children of the alcoholic parent did growing up, as was shown in the roles they adopted. Why not trade the role of Responsible Child, Placater, Adjuster, or Acting Out Child with a Recovered Child of an Alcoholic?
Bilbliography
* (1),(2),(5),(6),(8-11),(14) Black, Claudia, 1996, It Will Never Happen To Me: Growing Up With Addiction as Youngsters, Adolescents, Adults, Hazledon Publishing, P 72
* (3). Bennett, L, Reiss, D, Steinglas, P., Wolin, S, 1987. The Alcoholic Family, New York: Basic Books p 48
* (4) McCollum Eric E, PhD, Trepper Terry S, PhD. 2001, The Haworth Family Sollutions for Substance Abuse, Clinical and Counseling Approaches, Clinical Practice Press New York London pp18-21
* (7) Culkin, Joseph, Ph.D, Levin, Jerome, D, PhD, Perrotto, Richard, S, PhD, 2001, Introduction To Chemical Dependency Counseling, Jason Aronson Inc. London p 167
* (12-13) . A Contemporary Approach to Substance Abuse and Addiction Counseling, 2009, Edited by Fred Brooks and Bill McHenry American Counseling Association, Virginia p145
* (15) Perkinson, Robert, R., 2002, Chemical Dependency Counseling A practical Guide, Sage Publications CA, p188
* (16) Hobe, P., Lovebound: Recovering from an Alcoholic family (NY, NY American library, 1990, p17 * (Brodsky, Archie, Peele, Stanton, PhD, 1991,The Truth About Recovery: The Life Process Program For Outgrowing Destructive Habits, Simon & Schuster, New York, p212)
When one thinks of alcoholism, we initially think of the alcoholic. We think of the tragic consequences of alcohol abuse on the abuser, his community, and society. What isn’t always apparent, however, is how alcoholism affects the entire family. In this paper I will illustrate how families in alcoholic homes are sick and need recovery as well. It’s easy to blame our problems on the alcoholic, unfortunately, growing up with an alcoholic forces the family to change in order to accommodate the chaos caused by the drinker.
What is normal? Normal is a nebulous term at best. Claudia Black discusses the clearest indicator of a “…smoothly working family is consistency.” (1) On the contrary, “…living in the alcoholic home…inconsistency and unpredictability are considered normal.” (2) While some alcoholics have less of an effect on the family unit, “Steinglass makes a distinction between alcoholic families, in which the family is organized by the alcoholism and the members’ reaction to it, and families with alcoholism, which have a sick member whose illness causes distortions, but does not dominate family life.”(3) …show more content…
In Family Sollutions for Substance Abuse, Clinical and Counseling Approaches McCullum etal describe the common patterns of family functioning consisting of Rules, Roles, Communication, Proximity, and Boundaries, and Hierarchy: 1.
Rules-“All families operate according to a recognizable set of principles …” 2. Roles- “…a universal aspect of family operation, defining each member’s function in the family” 3. Communication-“Family members perpetuate rules and roles by communicating their intentions and needs through a variety of means, both verbal and non
verbal.” 4. Proximity Closeness and distance relationships’ are established and constrained by the family’s patterns of communication. 5. Boundaries and hierarchy. Some family members display appreciation of one another as distinct beings and respect one anothers rights (4)
In an alcoholic family the rules are vague, mainly, “act like everything is normal”, and “don’t speak of mom or dads alcoholism. As black explains “Members in this family system act and react in a manner that makes life easier and less painful however, emotions are repressed and become twisted.” (5) Black also describes the roles annotated above which families in alcoholic households adopt in order to cope.
These roles, according to Black, can be categorized as: * The Resoponsible Child * The Adjuster * The Placater * The Acting Out Child (6)
Are these roles set in stone? Levin etal reply to this question with “…most COA’s (children on alcoholics) do not fit neatly into one specific role, and many manifest behaviors of more than one role.” (7) The Responsible Child, according to Black, is most often the oldest child. (8)
“This is the nine year old going on thirty. The seven year old putting mom to bed.” Or the “…12 year old driving dad home from the bar, because he’s too drunk.”(9)
The responsible child may do all of the cooking and household chores. The responsible child feels they must take control of family life to substitute for the lack of control they feel with their unpredictable parents. These children look great on the outside, taking charge of school clubs, becoming captains of sports teams, even becoming class presidents. Later on in life the Responsible Child may become a supervisor or manager, often a workaholic. He can be very giving, and might end up doing everyone’s job for him or her. Inside the Responsible child is restless, irritable and discontent, running from his pain by staying busy: carrying the world on his shoulders. Next is the middle child who acts as the Adjuster. The Adjuster does not find it necessary to be responsible for himself or others. “ For him it is easy to simply follow directions, handle whatever has to be handled, and adjust to the circumstances of the day.” (10) The Adjuster feels like that by acting as if nothing is wrong they can disappear within the woodwork oblivious to the conflicts and emotions at home. This behavior is less painful for these children (at the time anyway) and easier on the rest of the family as well. The Adjuster is more of a C student. He may participate in a school activity, and he may not. He’s not necessarily unpopular, usually on the sidelines remaining unmemorable. When the
Adjuster grows up, if left untreated, he may fall into a job that seems safe and ok, which may in fact be far below his skill level or intelligence.
The third common pattern in the chaotic alcoholic home is the role of Placater. As per Black: “
“This is the family social worker. The placater finds the best way to cope in the inconsistent and tension-filled home is by acting in a way that will lessen his own tension and pain as well as that of the others.” (11).
It is the Placater who often tries to make others in the home feel better, as if he is responsible for whatever pain the family is experiencing. The Placater is a great listener, taking away moms sadness, brother’s fear, sister’s embarrassment and dads anger. Placater children grow up to be great counselors due to their heightened empathy and listening skills. Untreated, the Placater child can become dangerously codependent, attracted to people they can “fix”. It is necessary that the placater lose there self in someone else to avoid the pain of growing up with a parent or parents who neglected their duties as loving care givers. Parents tend to feel successful in bringing up such responsible, caring and resourceful children. These survival mechanisms which, outwardly, give the children locked in these roles, or combination there of, the appearance of looking good, often lead to unhealthy extremes. These behaviors, if gone unchecked, often result in emotional psychological deficits. The American Counseling Association states that: “Children of alcoholics are four times more likely than non COA’s to develop alcoholism.”(12) The ACA also says “COA’s are at a risk for behavioral problems and tend to be aggressive and impulsive.”(13) As these children grow up they become workaholics, marry alcoholics and addicts, or become one them self. Needles to say they will have a large number of problems later on. This brings us to our final category in the alcoholic family; the role of the Acting Out Child (AOC). According to Black “The AOC displays delinquent problematic behavior. Their behavior more adequately typifies the true state of the family.” (14) These children take attention away from the drinking or drugging parent by getting in trouble in school, doing drugs as a preteen, dropping out of school, getting pregnant at a young age, running away from home, being sent to juvenal hall, or jail, and being admitted to psychiatric hospitals. The child of the alcoholic or addict only knows extremes. Like his parents, everything is black or white, no greys. These children grow into adults addicted to drama and the people who make it. They feel uncomfortable later in life with peace and serenity. This is why COA’s gravitate toward practicing alcoholics or addicts. Their parents may have been alcoholics, and they leave home only to meet someone who is a compulsive gambler, overeater, or workaholic. This fools the young man or woman into believing they have found someone different than their folks, when in fact they have merely found someone with a different addiction. In this paper I have illustrated how families in alcoholic homes are sick and need recovery as well. It is a misconception that the alcoholic is the problem. Alcoholism is a disease and effects the whole family. The same 12 steps that have saved countless alcoholics from the disastrous effects of alcoholism have helped as many family members from the insanity of living in an alcoholic home. There is the Al -Anon family of groups including Al-Ateen for teen and preteenagers, as well as ACOA-adult children of alcoholics. In his book Chemical Dependency Counseling Perkinson strongly suggests “The family members should be immediately encouraged to begin attending Al-Anon meetings. The best place to feel understood is with people who are in recovery.” (15) Al-Anon has it’s critics including Phills Hobe-
“Children of alcoholics she met would be better off learning improved coping skills than undergoing the ritualistic self-labeling that Al-Anon encourages. If you want to participate in a group, make sure it is one that will help you with problem solving and support you in your efforts to change, not one that focuses on long-ago conflicts and insists that you fit yourself into a preset mold.”
Fitting oneself into a “preset mold” as Hobe remarks to Al-Anon, is precisely what the children of the alcoholic parent did growing up, as was shown in the roles they adopted. Why not trade the role of Responsible Child, Placater, Adjuster, or Acting Out Child with a Recovered Child of an Alcoholic?
Bilbliography
* (1),(2),(5),(6),(8-11),(14) Black, Claudia, 1996, It Will Never Happen To Me: Growing Up With Addiction as Youngsters, Adolescents, Adults, Hazledon Publishing, P 72
* (3). Bennett, L, Reiss, D, Steinglas, P., Wolin, S, 1987. The Alcoholic Family, New York: Basic Books p 48
* (4) McCollum Eric E, PhD, Trepper Terry S, PhD. 2001, The Haworth Family Sollutions for Substance Abuse, Clinical and Counseling Approaches, Clinical Practice Press New York London pp18-21
* (7) Culkin, Joseph, Ph.D, Levin, Jerome, D, PhD, Perrotto, Richard, S, PhD, 2001, Introduction To Chemical Dependency Counseling, Jason Aronson Inc. London p 167
* (12-13) . A Contemporary Approach to Substance Abuse and Addiction Counseling, 2009, Edited by Fred Brooks and Bill McHenry American Counseling Association, Virginia p145
* (15) Perkinson, Robert, R., 2002, Chemical Dependency Counseling A practical Guide, Sage Publications CA, p188
* (16) Hobe, P., Lovebound: Recovering from an Alcoholic family (NY, NY American library, 1990, p17 * (Brodsky, Archie, Peele, Stanton, PhD, 1991,The Truth About Recovery: The Life Process Program For Outgrowing Destructive Habits, Simon & Schuster, New York, p212)